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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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This isn't your mom - it's the disease - so try to roll with it, as hard as that is to do. However, a visit to the doctor is in order. She could have developed a urinary tract infection or she simply may have developed anxiety over the increased commotion during the holidays. Whatever the reason, a checkup is likely in order.
My mother also had dementia, it's hard to see someone you love go thru the changes. It's different one day to the next. Just keep reminding yourself its not your mom its the diease. Trust me its easier said than done. Saying thank you and please to everything is no big deal we all forget from time to time. Its not like the world is going to come to an end if its not said. Be grateful you still have your mother with you, mine past away last April and I would give anything to have her with me even with the dementia. Be easy on your mom and cherish each moment you have with her. One day she will look at you and not remember who you are and that will break your heart. Love her for who she is not for who you want her to be.
I have same situation with my mom and the weekly struggle with bathing and clothing choices is exhausting...she gets super aggitated and a mean look and nasty response always in sues ....I too felt upset with her, and discovered that my tone and approach triggered her responses...A soft and loving tone has almost gotten her to be less and less aggressive...All who recommend love and forgiveness to you know that is the only true and effective way to keep peace and harmony as much as possible when caring for a person with dementia/az Give it a try let us know what happens...Good luck!
There are many changes in behavior that you will see with your mother as this disease runs its course. I too was flabbergasted watching my mother turn into a selfish belligerent child at times, scream at me to leave her home and my daughter and I could live on the streets, or her get out of restraints so she could climb out of bed like a caged animal. It is heartbreaking, because these are the people you have loved all your life and they have loved you.
All you can do is continue to say to yourself over and over, "this is simply a progression of Mom's disease." You can forget this at times, especially when you are exhausted. This is not something your mother chose, she is very ill and is getting progressively worse, she can no longer control her behavior, or she would.
Love your Mom and forgive her each day because she would not do these things if she could control them. It is her disease.
My mother passed away from this in September of 2014, and I cared for her for 8 years. I have been in your shoes. God Bless you all.
I think acceptance of these changes helps rather than trying to correct them will be beneficial to both. As a doctor once told me “Play the hand you’re dealt.” It works for me. Blessings.
It could just be that the Holidays have interrupted all her routines, her diet and her regular eating and sleeping habits. If you think it is more than that, get her to the MD and have her checked, and ask about anti-depressants.
Your profile says Mom has dementia. This may indeed be an indication that the disease is progressing. Or as Pam says, the disruptions of the holidays may be causing a temporary decline. Or she may be coming down with some of the dreadful bugs making the rounds this time of year.
If it persists or gets worse, mentioning it to the doctor who is treating her dementia makes sense to me.
How to approach it? Whatever is causing this is not a personality defect or a psychological problem. Dementia has physical causes in the brain. Keep firmly in mind that Mother can't help this change in her behavior. She isn't doing it to annoy your or manipulate you. It is something she can't control. Just reminding yourself of that should help you cope.
Don't take the behavior personally.
It may become appropriate/necessary to set some limits, for example to leave the room when her behavior is particularly irksome. But as her behavior declines yours may have to become more obviously loving and tolerant.
Dealing with a loved one who has dementia is a huge challenge. Hang in there!
When my mother also becomes spoiled like a child, I treat her with the loving patience you give a child. Sometimes I even play the airplane game to get her to eat her meat and vegetables when all she wants is the dessert.
It is not uncommon for the elder to stop with the pleases and thank yous when they are aging and losing some of their mobility etc. They become move focused on their immediate needs which you are providing. I would not read too much into it.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Please keep us posted on how it's going.
Carol
Give it a try let us know what happens...Good luck!
All you can do is continue to say to yourself over and over, "this is simply a progression of Mom's disease." You can forget this at times, especially when you are exhausted. This is not something your mother chose, she is very ill and is getting progressively worse, she can no longer control her behavior, or she would.
Love your Mom and forgive her each day because she would not do these things if she could control them. It is her disease.
My mother passed away from this in September of 2014, and I cared for her for 8 years. I have been in your shoes. God Bless you all.
beneficial to both. As a doctor once told me “Play the hand you’re dealt.” It works for me. Blessings.
If it persists or gets worse, mentioning it to the doctor who is treating her dementia makes sense to me.
How to approach it? Whatever is causing this is not a personality defect or a psychological problem. Dementia has physical causes in the brain. Keep firmly in mind that Mother can't help this change in her behavior. She isn't doing it to annoy your or manipulate you. It is something she can't control. Just reminding yourself of that should help you cope.
Don't take the behavior personally.
It may become appropriate/necessary to set some limits, for example to leave the room when her behavior is particularly irksome. But as her behavior declines yours may have to become more obviously loving and tolerant.
Dealing with a loved one who has dementia is a huge challenge. Hang in there!
I know it's not easy. Hang in there.
acting spoiled and ungreatful as a teen.
Good luck.
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