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No one threw her under the bus !!!! She layed down under the bus herself with her hand out.... and her daughter was simply trying to help, in the beginning... now it is different..... the mom EXPECTS the daughter to help....

Onlychild, take the others suggestions....one at a time.... first set boundaries with your mom..... then proceed on with your life... she is not going to like it. so be prepared to stand your ground.....as you set each boundary you will get stronger for the next one..... let us know how this goes.....would love to be able to come back and tell you how proud I am that you stopped being the victim here...... hugs and prayers to you...
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I am bothered by the number of posts suggesting throwing you mother under the bus. If she gets food stamps doesn't that indicate she is on welfare? You might get better answers if you indicate which state is applicable.

YOU COULD BE RESPONSIBLE:

Filial responsibility laws (filial support laws, filial piety laws) are laws that impose a duty upon third parties, usually (but not always) adult children for the support of their impoverished parents or other relatives.[1] In some cases the duty is extended to other relatives. Such laws may be enforced by governmental or private entities and may be at the state or national level. While most fillial responsibility laws contemplate civil enforcement, some include criminal penalties for adult children or close relatives who fail to provide for family members when challenged to do so. The key concept is impoverished, as there is no requirement that the parent be aged. For non-Western societies, the term "filial piety" has been applied to family responsibilities toward elders.

States with filial responsibility laws
Alaska, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, West Virginia.
In addition, the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico also has filial responsibility laws.
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I agree with Jeanne, your best friend and your grandmother. There are agencies in your mother's locality...if she gets food stamps, does she have a caseworker? It sounds as though she needs to apply for further relief, perhaps go on welfare for a while until she gets things together. SUPPORT I'M HER IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. She is refusing to help herself, and in fact she's the one behaving like a spoiled princess.
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Just. Stop. It.

Stop enabling your mother.

Brutal? Ya. So is not being able to live your own life.

Don't even consider having her move in with you. Tell her that outright. Make it clear that that isn't her ace in the hole. If she thinks she can guilt you into that it is a perfect goal for her.

I'm not so heartless that I don't feel sorry for your mother. She probably does have a mental illness. That it sad. We don't always know how to help our mentally ill. But what you are doing is not helping her and it is hurting you. So stop!

It is sad that Mom has no friends. Not your fault.

It is sad that she has an undiagnosed mental illness. Not your fault.

It is sad that she hasn't been able to land a job. Not your fault.

Helping someone out while they get on their feet is one thing. Helping them out while they plot to come and live off of you is quite another.
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The thing that came to my mind was the thought that it is better to give a man a fishing pole instead of a fish. Giving him a fish means that he will soon be without again. Your mother probably doesn't want a fishing pole, but she does need a paycheck. Does she have any barriers to employment that you could help her overcome, e.g. clothes or nervousness? There are places that hire older workers. The Family Dollar stores come to my mind right away. Maybe you can do a mental inventory of where she lives and see what may be available for her. It is not easy for an older worker to get a job, but they are out there. She just has to know where to look. Maybe you can help her brush up her resume'.

I don't envy you this task. Sending her enough money to support herself in another household is probably something that you can't afford to keep doing. And I have a feeling that bringing her to live with you is inviting disaster. I hope she is able to find a job or to create her own job soon.
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my son has quit my masonry business 50 times in the last 15 years . rough economys ass . he just seems to walk up to someones place of business and start working . they shrug their shoulders and put him on the payroll ..
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That is what my best friend says. My grandmother (her mother in law) also refused to give her extra money. We used to be very close and this issue has created a lot of strife. This week is the first week I have said no and she started saying very mean and hurtful things to make me feel guilty--like how she raised me herself, sent me to college (although I paid for it myself with loans), sent me to girl scouts when I was younger etc. She basically inflicts these guilt trips on me, saying I should help out family. Im not sure how to deal with this--She doesn't drink or do drugs, but she has some non-diagnosed mental health issues---wont go to a doctor.
Is it better to completely cut her off and hope she gets a job? Or getsput on the street?
Ive tried setting a firm limit with her. I agreed to pay her phone bill and her insurance. I thought this would be better for me anyway---no doesn't work. When she calls, she complains about having to bathe in cold water and not having a stove (she is using an electric skillet)---I cannot have a conversation with her anymore. Its so bad now that I don't even tell her when I go have a burger after work---or when I go grocery shopping.
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I am 61. My kids are 31, 29 and 26. I can't imagine asking my kids for money. Your mother is barely a senior citizen. She can't even collect her SS, yet. In fact, she needs to find work to increase her retirement benefits. You really have to show tough love, now. Set boundaries. Do not answer every phone call. You have your own life. As an RN, I bet you can ask some friends for advice and they will tell you the same things that we will tell you here. Do not send money.
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ill bet if you dont send a dime she'll have some kind of employment in a matter of weeks .
just sayin .
if youll start sending me money i wont work either ..
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