Both orthopedist and gp have approved so far. She's had two cortisone shots in hips, one in shoulder in last 8 months. They work but only for 2-3 months' time. She also had physical therapy which medicare just stopped. In the last year she has grown a bit more irrational, obsessed with what her money is doing, wants constantly to change her will, empty her annuities (which are making enough money in interest to practically support her with retirement) to move them to checking account (which is sitting there with $100,000 in it) or buy gold to keep in her safe she has lost the key to. I have been handling her with kid gloves so far, but am worried now that she perhaps is more mentally off balance than I thought. I am now worried that she should not have the surgery because her orthopedist surgeon gave her a steroid-pak for inflammation (avoiding another shot), and she became the mad woman of our family. Confusion, irritation, aggressiveness, combativeness, wanting to act out even more (threatening legal action when we took her car keys), very hurtful statements, hiding things, lying about when her doctors called. I know she is trying to hold on to her power at this hard time, but the trust between us before seems to be threatened. So several issues, should she have hip replacement? Should I enact some sort of power of attorney to keep her from doing something irrational? (like getting friend to take her to bank to pull out money) I want to keep the trust between us as much as I can, and it seems any action on my part will make it worse. How can I tell the doctors about her mind and my worry she will get worse with surgery? She is a very good performer and tells everyone she handles her own bills, does everything for herself with no help from anyone (which is totally untrue). Anyone have advice on any of these issues?
Health issues were worrisome. She had the surgery and it has improved her mobility and quality of life dramatically. Each case is different. My mom doesn't
Have dementia as your mom does. I think you have to carefully weigh the risks with the amount of pain and quality of life she has. My mom and I had long disscusions before her surgery and decided even if it didn't go well she wouldn't be much worse off than she was pre surgery. I wasn't sure she wouldvrespond to therapy and discussed with her that if things went bad she may not be able to live at home. Her lifelong depression was a large factor for her. Much to my relief, she did well with a month in rehab and has been home since late December. She is more active and alert than she has been in years. But it ain't over. Mom and dad still have looming issues and I'm struggling to keep them in their home for as long as possible.
What you're describing sounds a lot like dementia. I would be very hesitant to have serious surgery on a 89 yo woman with dementia if there was any other option. Things might be fine and it would increase the quality of life, but I would be afraid what it would do to her mind. I would discuss the possibilities with her doctor to see what he/she thinks is the best course and perhaps even get a second opinion before making a decision. They will know more about potential complications of the type surgery she needs.
My mother went through a time when she was obsessed with her money. She has no concept of figures, so money balances don't stay in her mind. What I do when she talks money is to reassure her that she has plenty of money to last if she remains at home, but it will go quickly if she has to go to a nursing home. This is honest and seems to calm her. I say the same thing consistently. I don't make the loss of money to the nursing home threatening, but just a matter of fact. I don't want her to see a nursing home as a bad thing if she does need it one day.
A few months ago I had a minor surgery and was under for just an hour... oh my gosh, the brain fog took forever to lift, and I am still having some memory issues which I didn't have before, and here I am just in my late 60's.