Mom is convinced that her neighbor is coming into the house and stealing her things. What can we do?

Paranoia is a phase of dementia and will transition into another behavior but when is different for each person. Has her doctor been asked about meds for anxiety? You won't be able to convince her of anything since memory, reason and logic are disappearing from her abilities.

Here is advice from the ALZ.org website:

Don't take offense. 
Listen to what is troubling the person, and try to understand that reality. Then be reassuring, and let the person know you care.

Don't argue or try to convince. 
Allow the individual to express ideas. Acknowledge his or her opinions.

Offer a simple answer. 
Share your thoughts with the individual, but keep it simple. Don't overwhelm the person with lengthy explanations or reasons.

Switch the focus to another activity. 
Engage the individual in an activity, or ask for help with a chore.

Duplicate any lost items.
If the person is often searching for a specific item, have several available. For example, if the individual is always looking for his or her wallet, purchase two of the same kind.

They too recommend exploring medication if the delusion is persistent and bad enough.

You're not going to 'change' this dementia behavior in your mother; it is 'coming from' her broken brain and the fact that it's misfiring and sending her messages that are wrong. This is HER reality now, and nothing you do or say is going to change it. What you can and should do is learn all you can about dementia/ALZ so you and your father can best help your mother.

I suggest you read this 33 page booklet ( a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

She also has published a workbook entitled, “It Isn’t Common Sense: Interacting with People Who Have Memory Loss Due to Dementia.” For people to understand that reality and context as perceived and experienced by a person with dementia, is altered by the dementia; and, that their reality and context is continuously changing as the dementia progresses, requires learning and an attitude shift; it is not ‘common sense.’

Here is a list of useful tips from her e-book I found to be excellent:

The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience
The Do's
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment
Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently

Care Needs
· Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive
· Reassure with your tone and manner
· Do one thing at a time
· Talk through the care “play-by- play”
· Be aware of your body language and use it to communicate relaxation and reassurance
· Be sincere
· Use a soft, soothing touch
· Be aware of the individual’s unique triggers
· Be aware that a person with dementia may not accurately judge whether a situation is threatening to them
· They may respond to fear, pain or anxiety by defending themselves with what we call “aggression”
· If they become distressed, stop immediately and allow them time to calm down – don’t try to restart the activity right away
You need to change your behaviour to adapt to the dementia because the person with the disease cannot.

Another good book is Living in the Labyrinth: A Personal Journey Through the Maze of Alzheimer's, by Diana Friel McGowin. Learn all you can about AD/dementia b/c knowledge is power!

Wishing you the best of luck with all you have on your plate.

This is common with dementia. There are medications that can help with the paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, anxiety. Discuss with her doctor what is going on and if it is happening at a particular time of day.
If dad it trying to take care of mom by himself there are a few things you can encourage him to do.
1. If there is an Adult Day program in your area get mom involved.
2. Dad needs to hire a caregiver that can help him so he can get out of the house and also do some of the things he is trying to do. If mom resists take it slowly let the caregiver do "stuff" around the house then work into "direct care" (Example..day 1 caregiver is a "friend" that comes to visit. This is also an "evaluation" visit. Day 2 caregiver comes and may do a load of dishes, helps get lunch and dad realizes that he has run out of milk and has to go to the store. He leaves for an hour. Mom and caregiver chat caregiver helps while dad is gone. A few visits like this mom will get used to having someone in the house)

It does sound like one of the concerns dad should have is that mom at some point might wander away from the house. At least with a Ring Door Bell he would know when she left, and what direction she went.

The Alzheimer's Association has a number that is answered 24/7 you can call at anytime. There are trained counselors that answer the phone.
they also have a list of Support Groups in your area.

Here's the problem with the answers -- as far as I see it. The thing is: people can and DO steal from people in their homes. I've had it happen to me not just from "houseguests" (admittedly who I didn't know very well) as well as, more recently, from healthcare workers (which I've talked about in this forum). So, is it not possible that in this woman's stage of dementia she is possibly referencing in her mind somewhere a time when someone DID steal from her, and she is (for reasons I don't know of -- no expert here on how dementia works) "reliving" these moments now at a time when she probably feels "out of sorts" and vulnerable in all sorts of ways I can't imagine. It must be terrifying to come to the realization that you're losing your mind, or parts of it. I fully expect that people might "pounce" on me (figuratively speaking of course) for bringing this up, but I think it is part of the reality of the world we live in, which is that unscrupulous people can and do rob old people! Now, how to deal with this reality in this particular situation -- I can't say. I'm thinking one could say, "Well, maybe yes in the past perhaps some people DID steal from you. So let's talk about those times, and see how they are different from accusing your nice next door neighbor of stealing from you" or something like that.

I'm ready for the pouncing....

"We have no idea where this is coming from." It's 100% the dementia. These delusions are common with dementia, and the hiding behavior is extremely common (and often the first sign of a problem). I'm sorry your family is going through this. It can be a rough ride.

You might get some ideas about diverting the behavior, but unfortunately it's probably here to stay for a while. Medication may help. But no amount of security measures will shake this belief of hers—it's not like one day the lightbulb will go off and she'll "get it." Dementia robs people of that ability. She might move on to other delusions or fixations, which could be better or worse. My own mother has cycled through a few.

If you move her to memory care (which may be a good idea for other reasons), the behavior will continue there. I know this from experience. It's a question of managing it more than changing it. For instance, what I learned was that we shouldn't have brought DVDs, photographs, and small tchotchkes from her home ("it will remind her of home and she'll be happier" was the naive thinking at the time) into her first facility, because she only hid them all over the place.

I'm sure you have already, but read up on dementia behaviors as much as you can. Aside from this forum, that's where your answers lie.

Daff, it is part and parcel of dementia. My granny accused my stepmom of stealing her money. She would hide it and forget where or that she had hidden it and the accusations would fly.

We would tell granny that it must of have been mislaid and then start searching. It was really heartbreaking for my stepmom and frustrating with the frequency.

I would get some beautiful flowers and something really nice to eat, maybe something homemade, and go have a talk with the neighbor. Explain what is going on with mom, apologize and ask her if she has any ideas.

From my experience, people are really understanding when things are explained and they are willing to help if we ask for specific things within their ability.

The only thing that stopped this behavior in my granny was time, it felt like forever but, it was only a few months. May your mom get over this phase quickly.

It's coming from dementia. As strange as it sounds, your mom is very normal in the dementia world.

A friend has had this behavior for about 4 years now. She’s a nurse, widowed, and lives alone. Her friends have abandoned her because she’s accused all of them of stealing things, some quite valuable, She’s come up with elaborate stories as to how they managed to steal things from her, like getting a master key to her locks, etc. etc. And she’s forbidden them to come near her. Her daughter is also a nurse and claims she can’t do anything to help her mom because her mom has accused her also of stealing things and banned her from speaking to her doctors. How this is going to end no one knows because this lady is vengeful and vowing to take action against her former friends. The family recently had a meeting trying to figure out what to do. It’s not an easy road for them. Also a question is, where has she put the things she thinks were stolen from her? We know she had some of them but maybe is deluded about some of the other things and never had them in the first place!

Daffodils, you may want to take your Mom to her primary doctor to be tested for an Urinary Track Infection [UTI] as that can cause a person to believe in things that in reality aren't happening.

Adding just a bit, in my experience, attempting to “solve” the problem of paranoia may actually convince the sufferer that what he or she is saying is even more true.

We went through “stealing chickens from the neighboring chicken ranch”, “putting human excrement into the well”, to “stealing the Social Security Check” and on.

It can last for a while then dissipate. Emphasizing it in any way seemed to make it worse. Ignoring it, sidestepping it, saying “I’ll see what I can find out about that” and quickly changing the subject can sometimes help briefly.

In my case, it was worse for me as a teenager who adored her Grandma than it was for Grandma herself.