don't have any real support from 2 brothers, jumped in without thinking it through,feels like I'm causing more trouble, I have decided to go to school to become a MA not sure if that is feasible with all that is going on with my mom she wants to do everything herself and my brothers think I am not really serious or just complaining and or plain lazy. The reality is I am living in her home and working my butt off with no help because the one brother keeps saying "you brought her home and said you would be able to take care of it" yet still doesn't seem to want to pitch in to help. Yes I was reacting to my moms constant desire to go home where she thought she would be happier and seems to be worse always complaining and now I need help I can't do it all and my family doesn't see how much work I am doing 24 hours a day. I want to follow my dream to be a caregiver or nurse or some sort. Yet, I am overwhelmed with resentment and guilt from family. Years of my own problems, the effects it had on my siblings and parents are not helping matters. I have grown up a lot since, I am not the same person. Today I am responsible and growing daily. Working hard to spend quality time with my mother and afford to go to school. My source of income right now is MOM. One of my brothers says he won't forgive me and is very judgmental of me and puts me down I am working towards a better life and have no help. What should I do? It' just killing me inside. I am the only girl and the youngest of 4. My dad passed away Jan. 2015. Mom finally showed me emotions and shed tears, expressing her pain and loss. I don't want to be a bad daughter. I want to spend time with my mother and care for her.. Her rules are overbearing no privacy, she wants to control everything!!! What do I do? So many brick walls. Feel like if I don't do something I will be blamed for her unhappiness and if I move It could cause more. Like someone once said. "Damned if I do, and Damned if I don't" ugh!! Seems like I'm walking a tight rope that is about to break.
Sounds like you may have brought mom home from a hospital stay? Is she getting better at home? Unfortunately things tend to only go in one direction even if they hold steady for a year or two
If she does require 24/7 care then you need to gather your siblings and collectively come up with a plan - this doesn't mean they will help you though - be prepared to use whatever assets mom has for her care - they are her assets and not your inheritance - if she needs to go into a facility then look into Medicaid if she has no assets
my siblings are some 16-18 years older than me and collecting pensions and will likely soon need eldercare themselves - they offer neither time nor money and truth be told probably don't care about either mom or me
If mom is doing okay at home but is just difficult then that goes with the territory - if you can't find a way to live together in harmony then the situation needs to change
Let us know more -
Did you bring your mom home from a nursing home or what?
1misfit, your brothers are punishing you for thinking with your heart instead of your head. So get Mom back to the nursing home and get on with your life. She will try to make you feel guilty. Ignore the guilt card.
It is hard but if a dog can understand boundaries, rules, and limitations, so can an adult.
We have to set the rules!
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