I have already filed multiple complaints and a state report about this nurse. Both my mom and I have been told by others what things she says. The nurse was removed from my moms care over a year ago due to psychological abuse to my mom, and she’s had it in for my mom ever since (I’ve heard she does the same to some other residents). She has gotten 75% of the staff to not like my mom and it directly affects her care. If I don’t call they will leave her in bed all day and rarely change her diaper. What can do I? I feel like this horrible person has control over most of my moms caregivers. So many used to be my moms friends and now no one will just go and talk to her. Let alone give her the care she needs.
I am considering bringing her home over this, but I don’t know. I have three kids, 5, 8 and 10. They are getting older but still loud and crazy and our house is small. My mom would most likely live in our dining/living room area. Our dog barks. My mom enjoys silence and likes to watch tv all day. I just don’t know...
And no I wouldn't bring her into your home, unless you are 150% sure you and your family can handle it, and you have some kind of outside help lined up to assist you with her. It sounds like your house is already quite chaotic, and adding an elderly person who needs 24/7 care would just add to the chaos. It's very sweet that you are thinking about that, but realistically I just don't think it would be best for anyone. Best wishes for the future for your mom.
Find out if you can install cameras in your mothers room and tell them you will now be documenting any and all abuse and reporting it.
All that being said, how do you know 75% of the staff don't like your mom because of this bully? Is your mom telling you or are you observing some of this?
Is this a small family run facility or a bigger one? Is there a director and is it licensed under the state?
Squeaky wheel often gets the grease but I'm not clear on what type of facility your mom is in- size, etc.
Do not bring her into your home under any circumstances. Your plate is full now.
I can't figure how you can get the evidence you need. How helpless you must feel. I am so sorry. I hope you will update us.
My words, exactly.
So, a nurse was abusing your mom psychologically and was removed from her care.
This same nurse is still contributing to problems by having staff to turn against an innocent elder.
So many used to be your mom's friend but they are so blinded and weak, they are letting this same little nurse control them? I mean they actually believe her?
You have filed multiple complaints and a state report and this behavior continues with staff in a Nursing Facility?
Nothing is being done about it? They are just acting "childish" there and play "follow the leader?"
What a MESS. I hear such nonsense happening in the facilities all the time. Like where is the Administrator? Like why don't they have control over what takes place in their facility.
Come on. These elderly folks are there because they need to be cared for. They are not in need for a playground or a circus.
Honey, Do you want my opinion? If you can, bring your mother home. Do yourself a favor.
Research other SNFs in your area and go take a tour of a few. Find one that feels right to YOU and remove your mother from an untenable situation asap.
Good luck!
Be sure to document all incidents.
You can take her for a few days..try to enroll help from friends,relatives, to visit her ,phone her in between.
Bullying older ones is a crime
My mom is sharp! She told the nurse that she was giving her twice the amount and asked her if it would hurt her to take it all at once.
The nurse told my mom that it would not hurt her to double up on her meds. Mom was skeptical but took it in order not to disagree with the nurse.
Mom is of the generation that doesn’t like to make waves with those who she feels have authority but she was uncomfortable taking the double dose and told me about it when I visited the following day.
I was concerned and called our pharmacy to see if mom was in any danger from taking a double dose.
The pharmacist told me, it was probably not a problem if it was only one occasion of overdosing but if it continues it would be an issue.
The pharmacist also said if this nurse was doing this to mom she was most likely doing it to others too. She told me to report her to the DON and social worker.
I told the DON and social worker at the nursing home. They questioned the nurse and she admitted that she did it because they were shorthanded and that she was trying to save time. The nurse was told that she was never to overmedicate any patient.
You are a caring daughter and have tried numerous times to handle your mom’s situation and the nursing home hasn’t resolved your issue.
If it were me I would start looking at new facilities to place her. I would not bring her home where you know she wouldn’t be comfortable. She is used to watching her television in her own room.
Equally as important, you have your own family in your own routines.
Wishing you all the best. I am so sorry that this nurse is still working there. Unless she has a sincere change of heart and shows genuine remorse, she doesn’t deserve to have a job working with the elderly.
Your mom doesn’t deserve to be mistreated. You are right to be concerned and are doing your best to be an advocate for her.
They had a chance to remedy the situation and failed. So, time to move forward in a new facility where she will receive better care.
That person should have been fired on the spot for intentionally doubling a medication and , in her own words, to make her job easier. She should have lost her license or put on some kind of probation with mandatory training on delivery of meds/state NH rules/penal code laws.
If you or I did that to our parent and admitted it to Adult protective, or the police (if it happened to kill them), we'd be in jail.
Absolutely
It's not going to get better for your mom. Dealt with an extremely passive aggressive cna or some title when mom in rehab. Of course she denied it and then my mom called on the phone and had laid it down as lady entered the room - so she had no idea that someone was listening to the conversation. That woman was scary as H*ll - she confronted me when I reported that conversation and catching her dispensing the wrong meds/wrong amts. She got within inches of my face before I had to warn her to back off. I thought we were going to have a good old East Texas throw-down. Facility was aware of her crazy behavior (not the first report_ and 'had a talk with her', so basically did nothing. I could protect my mom, however I worried so much about the other patients who had no visitors.
East Texas showdown, huh? LOL Too funny!
There is a shortage of employees in nursing homes. I understand this but you’re absolutely correct, unacceptable behavior should never ever happen.
In my mom’s case, she was conflicted in her emotions.
Mom did not want to feel vulnerable and be overdosed with meds, yet she had some anxiety about backlash from me reporting the incident.
When I explained to her that the pharmacist told me that I had an obligation to report the nurse in order to prevent this from happening to other residents she agreed and understood completely.
I kept my eye on the facility very closely. Mom knew that I was her strongest advocate.
I was fortunate that the DON and social worker addressed the nurse. I don’t know what the protocol for firing someone is.
I know that people aren’t always fired due to fear of repercussions of lawsuits. This particular nursing home did have a shortage of help.
I would hear the staff talking about pulling double shifts quite frequently which contributes greatly to issues that occur. The staff is exhausted. Not saying this is an excuse.
I hated that the nurse (LPN) overdosed my mom but it is sad there is a shortage of staff in some homes. I wonder how common that is. It’s tough work. That’s for sure.
this has been going on for over a year!! It probably wont stop
Good for you for being such a strong advocate!
You have an advantage of knowing what goes on behind the scenes.
Stuff does happen all of the time. This may seem minor but my mom shared a bathroom with the adjoining room.
The aide told my mom to use the same cup to rinse her mouth with after her neighboring roommate used it.
That’s just gross! I brought a stack of disposable cups for mom to use to rinse her mouth with.
Their priority is making money. You can move your LO to another facility and you are most likely going to still get poor results.
The Administrators and staff will give you a fake smile to make you think it is all going good. You just really do not know.
The staff and Administrators can mistreat your LO and get away with it. You can report it all you want but nothing will be done because no one cares.
Sadly, we are living in times where there is not much love for one another any more. It is all about that filthy lucre.
You have just described the ways that a narcissist can, and will, destroy the functioning of a business, without any legal repercussions. It's a bad sign that all of the staff now ignores your mom. The narcissist will enlist "flying monkeys" - meaning they influence other workers to act for them and to continue doing all kinds of inappropriate things, like bullying. We should never underestimate the power that narcissists can have in a place of business, especially when there are no checks and balances to monitor - and remove - toxic employees.
By the way, it is difficult to impossible to rehabilitate a toxic employee. They will just go to work somewhere else and start all over again. I worked in a smaller mountain hospital that was a dumping ground for toxic staff.
One problem is that even in our legal system, many judges, attorneys, etc, are unaware of narcissistic abuse, and don't recognize the signs. This can prevent appropriate action being taken, and the removal of the narcissistic employees from the place of businesses. Many think this is just business as usual. But it isn't!! It's unethical and often illegal if the right people are interpreting the laws.
There are private consulting businesses today that will train healthcare facility employees in recognizing toxic, destructive behaviors. There should be ZERO tolerance for this type of behavior In any healthcare facility - or any other type of business, for that matter, I'm sorry I don't have any names right now for one of these companies that trains healthcare facilities, but I do know there is at least one woman who has a Facebook page for her business although the name escapes me. She appears to do many trainings for hospitals. The nursing field attracts a high proportion of narcissistic people.
You don't indicate whether you live in a large city - with many available facilities for your mom - or a small town, with very few facility options. Have you thought about moving your mom to a different facility, organizationally unrelated to the one she is in currently?