I live with my 84 year old mother who has always been narcissistic and spiteful, but since a fall 6 weeks ago, and 2 trips to the hospital, she is giving me h***. Accusing me of "taking her pain pills", "ripping off the rest of the pills that were in the blister pack that came home with her from the SNF". She's trying to manipulate everyone around me, by telling me "she doesn't trust her caregiver, and what should she do??" She has a financial advisor who has made it clear there is nothing amiss, she lives in HUD housing, and I am her live in caregiver. If she fires me I have 3 days to leave. I just got hired on a new job, so I am in no position to move right now.. she's mad because I still speak to my siblings who won't speak to her. HELP!!
I'd say stand your ground and when she starts going off on you, leave the room. Tell her you'll come back when she's in a better mood or calmed down or treating you respectfully. Do you have any friends you could stay with if she does "fire" you? I doubt she'll really do that, as she NEEDS you. You just need to rebalance the power in the relationship by not taking her guff. Stand your ground respectfully, but don't subject yourself to verbal abuse.
I'd also NOT engage when she starts saying dumb stuff to you. If she says you're an alcoholic, don't try to argue or dispute it, just walk away. If she wants to engage with you, she has to treat you with respect. Otherwise, you'll leave the room or just not talk to her. Every time you "play the game" with her, you're encouraging her to push your buttons because she knows she'll get a reaction out of you. It's a sick way to get attention, but at this point, evidently that's they only way she knows to behave. It's really pretty pitiful when you think about it.
I honestly considered getting some weed, making brownies and giving her one. Of course I didn't do that, at that point I would have wanted a doc's note because I wasn't sure if weed would or could cause her harm with all of her medical/mental issues, but yeah, had I thought for one minute when she was younger and still of sound mind, that she'd smoke some...I offered back in the day, she refused, more fool her, I'd have RUN to get it myself, legal or not, if that's what it took to get some peace from all that craziness and when she got old, if the doc gave the go ahead... Wonderful! lol Ahhhh, nice and quiet...