Help! My mom has always been mean, nasty & narcissistic her whole life, but now, at 91, she's over the top. She is saying horrible things about my dad who passed away 3 years ago, and insinuating that he 'did' something to her to make her hate him for their entire 68 year marriage. She's chomping at the bit to tell me some horrid little secret, and it's only a matter of time before she blurts it out 'by accident'. It's gotten to the point where I can't stand calling her or going over to the ALF where she lives. She's threatening to jump out windows and saying she wants to die, etc, almost continuously now. Does this go along with dementia, or this something entirely different? Do you have a mom like mine and care to share your tips & tricks? Thanks in advance.
I can also say that visiting my mom in the nursing home was an education for me, as well. In the three years she was there, I learned my grandfather committed suicide and did not die of a heart attack as I’d believed for 50 years. I learned she either had an affair with her boss or she was sexually molested by him ( they were both married at the time). I heard about visits she had with her doctor and told her doctor how much she hated sex with my dad. Sex was her obsession. I often felt like taking a shower when I got back home. Once, when I’d had enough I told her, “Mom, be a lady. Ladies don’t talk like that!” It worked. The aides also helped me handle her when they saw me come out of her room pale as a ghost.
People with dementia lose their inhibitions. Whatever they were pre-dementia seems to become magnified as it progresses. But, like me, you are perfectly within your rights to shut her down. Even put your hands over your ears if you need to. I did. You dont have to sit there and take it. I always cut visits short when Mom was in a pornographic mood. It helped me maintain my sanity and cut down on the nightmares.
Sounds like your mom is just acting her ‘normal’ self, only amplified.
And age-related depression is common. She’s remembering the past and focusing on the negative memories.
Try and stay positive with her during visits or phone calls and leave when she starts into a negative pattern. No sense hanging around for that and giving her an audience.
Sorry to hear, best of luck to you.
I'm sorry I couldn't give you any advice and I am so sorry you are going through this. It's an awful, AWFUL, disease!