as i said my mom 90 lives alone in her home her wish she is able to take care of herself, we clean for her groceries laundry doctors appts. call her many times a day just to say hi how are you . undrstand my husband and i have our own business that is all time consuming i am doing the best i can but the worst she can make me feel the happier she seems. i am sad i can't take this abuse of her no more love it is mentaly harming me and my marrige. i almost don't want to see her anymore we yoused to be close.i am58. help
Too bad she doesn't want to go into independent living so she can be with others of her own generation.... look at all the new friends she can make... but she made her choice to remain in her own home.... thus she has to take the responsibilities that come with that choice.
Maybe the only way you can have your Mom move to independent living, if she is physically capable of moving, is to cut back on the amount of things you do for her.
For you, cleaning two homes and doing laundry for an extra person [especially an elder] is a lot of work, I can barely keep up with my own, so I never started to help my parents with those chores. For grocery shopping, for 6 years I went to the grocery store with Mom's long list, then the next day I went back to the grocery with my own long list... that became too exhausting for me [I, too, am employed]... so now I do on-line grocery once a week, what a life saver that has been for me. And all those doctor appointments, don't you feel like screaming if you see one more waiting room? I'm fixing that with getting doctors who are just around the corner from my parents, so I am not on the road so much.
Instead of feeling bad that you can't make her happy, give yourself credit for everything you do for her. If there is a big shortfall between what she wants and what you can humanly provide, then it's up to her to deal with it. You are not her only option.
Do you have any siblings? One person can't provide all the attention that an elder can crave. Tell us a bit more about your mother and maybe someone will have an idea.
One thing to remember is that no matter what she says, this is not your fault. You are doing the best you can. There are so many things your mother could be doing to make her life better. It is up to her to do them, though. You can't make her.
I think I agree with the others though. You can't wear yourself out physically or emotionally for her.
Maybe she can hire help a few times a week?
If not assisted living sounds perfect. She really does need to be around people her own age.
Whatever she is going through, it is not your fault and you can't be the entire solution.
The weeks vacation sounds pretty good :)
Good luck!