We have cameras around our property (we both work) mom is going in and out of the front door every 3 to 5 minutes all day long. She keeps insisting on going up the hill (we live in the mountains) she always loses her balance and either falls or ends up running out of control. I told her it is to hot to be outside in the afternoon stay in where it is cool. She is seeming really odd sometimes. She is 80, has very serious health conditions. I thought about a nursing home, but just couldn't do it. I am seeing things my husband doesn't. Is it normal for me to notice things he doesn't or am I just seeing things that are not there?
This pretty much like a disaster waiting to happen. Her behavior is indeed very odd. In and out of the house every 3 - 5 minutes? Perhaps a little beyond odd. I also think this is extremely dangerous. She is going to get seriously hurt, sooner or later. Falling ans running out of control? This has got to end, somehow.
Does she have dementia?
If she does, I do not think it is a good idea to leave her home alone. Which either means getting an aide to come in while you're at work or re-looking at the nursing home option. Sometimes it becomes the only safe option. It's not what you or she wants, BUT when the person in question is not safe, you have to take some kind of action. Comes a time when none of the options seem very good.
What is your husband not seeing? Is he looking at the video showing her going in and out of the house? Maybe he just wants to put his head in the sand?
Sounds like your mother has dementia and is exhibiting typical OCD type behavior by going in and out of the front door all day long. She's putting herself in real danger by losing her balance and falling, or running out of control. It's just a matter of time before she winds up in the hospital with broken bones or worse.
You say you 'just couldn't do it' about placing your mother in a nursing home. Is it safer for her to be living in the mountains and putting herself in REAL danger all day long, doing what she's doing, or for her to be cared for by a team of care-givers 24/7? My mother is 93 and lives in a wonderful Memory Care Assisted Living Facility for the past 6 years. I'd never have her living anywhere else but in professional care, where she's safe, and I never feel guilty about it. She's lucky enough to have the money to afford a lifestyle such as she's being afforded, and when she runs out of money in 2021, I'll apply for Medicaid and get her into a nice nursing home here where she went for rehab last year.
You are obviously not 'seeing things' if you have a camera filming your mother's antics. Believe what you see and make an appointment for her to be evaluated by her PCP asap. You say she's suffering 'very serious health conditions' in addition to what may be dementia, so you've got to get her to the doctor before something awful happens!
Good luck!
No way can you have her move to a NH or ALF? You can't watch her 24/7.
My DH doesn't notice ANYTHING. I've painted rooms, cut my hair from waist length to a pixie cut, bought a new car. He didn't notice for weeks.
You are best to evaluate. I doubt DH has an opinion about your mom's behavior. My Dh could not care less about my mom. Not being mean, just being a guy. (No offense to the many male CG's on this site!)
And yes to 'Boots on the ground!'
I always come back to 2 standards: health and safety. Walking is usually a very healthy activity and should be encouraged. However, balance and mobility issues that lead to falls is not healthy or safe. If your mom will use a walker when she is outdoors, that would partially help with the safety aspect. Her lack of discernment about the weather conditions and constant "indoors-outdoors" behavior sets little alarms ringing in my head... She has progressed to a point that she needs a caregiver with her. Please consider how you and your husband can provide her with the in-person supervision she requires. Consider a home health aide or sitter for when you must be away from your mom as the minimum.
At the very least, your Mom needs a daytime caregiver! She may know her way around now, but might not tomorrow. Imagine if she couldn't find her way home?
If Mom has dementia, it's a possibility. Wandering is a common symptom.
Many of us understand how painful the decision to place our loved ones in assisted living or memory care is. Keep in mind that sometimes it's a positive step. There are lots of activities and other people to interact with every day.
Maybe Mom's wandering is because she's bored and lonely.
Best wishes and prayers!