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My dad has Lewy body dementia and and my mother has classic Parkinson's, my dad is more advanced than my mother is with dementia. He is about six months away from going into a dementia care facility. My mother is spending a lot and even after speaking with her about toning it down, she still spends erratically---to self medicate her mental issues I presume with a touch of dementia. (7k on clothes last year---she doesn't wear them!) She has very little concern over my dads care or well-being, and is essentially checked out. Since my dad spends nothing, how do I protect some of this money for HIS impending care? I have POA and am co-trustee of their trust account. Do I seek to have her declared incompetent and take over? We can't seem to get through to her. Is there any way do help this situation aside from playing hardball (declaring her incompetent).

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You need to stop the waste of money so you can care for these folks. Your are going to have to play hardball one way or the other. Either get guardianship or simply get the checkbook and charge cards away from Mom. Neither is going to be easy but she could wipe out the funds very easily. I went through a similar situation with my Dad a couple of years ago. It took a little trickery and finesse but I was able to save the farm, so to speak.
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I strongly advise you to seek Guardian status for both of them. Yes, that would require a lawyer, but the fees can come from their accounts. It does take some months to complete, but would enable you to move him to a care facility when the time comes. It would also put a halt to irresponsible spending.
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You may be in for a rude awakening. Maybe not so much from him, but from her.
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From personal experience you can't just " get control" over their spending. It's still their life. You can't put you dad in care even with POA because your mom still gets to make all those decissions for him if he is unable. They still have rights. It may be frustrating,but you have no control. You may find the more you try to " help" or give advise the more they resist. I think it's their way of denying what's really happening. I hate to throw water on the issues but I've found you have to step back and let them come to their own ruin.my inlaws are in foreclosure and still refuse to rent or go into a Mobile home. I figure once they are sleeping on the streets in their car that one bedroom apartment will be looking mighty inviting.
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Sounds like the mother is unable to make sound financial decisions. My POA and MPOA gives me every right and I exercise them. I also have a military POA which is even more powerful. Do what you have to do to save your parents Lilpig.
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You could open an account for your father and put money in there safe for him. Then take Mom's credit card or send the company your POA and close the account. When she asks why she can't use them, just say that they were closed because she spent too much.
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I understand completely. Slightly afraid as well. She doesn't even want to be in same facility as him. She's no interest in him sadly. We are treading carefully and trying to be respectgul, yet protect the money for BOTH of them. Thank you for your thoughts.
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I agree with Windy above, get those charge cards and checkbooks away from Mom. Tell her from now on everything will need to be bought with cash [make up some excuse, say her credit cards were compromised].

Then give Mom an allowance. "We are now on a budget plan". If Mom wants more money to shop, then ask her from what column should she take the money? From the utility column? Ok we will turn down the heat and turn off the cable. From the grocery column? Ok, oatmeal every day for the next two weeks. If she plays your bluff, then turn down the heat and unplug the TV, and make that oatmeal.

Eventually it will sink in. Your Mom probably was so use to shopping back when her hubby was bringing home a regular paycheck. Unless she had worked outside the home, and that money was her play money.
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Since you have POA, stop all access to money with banks, credit cards, and inform your mother if she needs something to ask you. You had better stop the outflow or there is be nothing to put your father in a facility. Dementia care is very expensive - about $5,000 - $7000+ per month depending on where you live.
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"there is be nothing" - What I meant to say was there will be nothing to put...have to eat breakfast!
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