She decided she can't eat solid food although she can just decided not too. Claims food gets in her teeth. She also won't brush her teeth or shower. Hasn't showered in weeks now. Gets very mad when I suggest she get clean. I offer to help. Tells me to mind my own business. She is still home where I do everything. All cleaning, laundry, etc. She also has a fixation on our dogs eating. Of course I feed all 4 dogs and two cats constantly she is obsessed that they aren't getting fed so hear about this non-stop. I am more worried about her eating. Since she won't eat she drinks Ensure and Boost which are supplemental and at least have some vitamins that she needs. She won't take regular vitamins because she claims she can't swallow pills although she will take pills at bedtime to sleep that her doctor gives her. I love my mother if course and am lucky she is alive for me to take care of her but I am burning out! Sometimes just need to vent to add someone that will listen or care. She asks the same questions over and over. Doesn't remember that I just answered. She hasn't showered or brushed her teeth in weeks. When I ask her to she gets resentful and tells me to mind my own business. Of course I offer to help but she refuses. Asks me if she smells bad, which she does, but then gets mad. I care for her 24/7. I have two older sisters but they are too busy with their lives to help. I am beyond burn out. Just need some advice on how to deal with this. She is literally starving herself to death because she refuses to eat. I know she can because I've seen her "sneak" out to kitchen and eat bread and butter. She has become anorexic. I love her and am real lucky to have her to kiss goodnight. Please forgive me me if I sound ungrateful or have repeated myself. Lack of sleep. Anyway thanks for letting me vent. I'm sure there are others out there with worse situations. Any suggestions or feedback I will be so grateful for. Thank you for listening /reading. Sincerely will appreciate any feedback or suggestions. Sincerely, Jeanne
An outsider, meddling neighbor, or mandated reporter might not see it that way, thinking that you are aware of her starving but aren't doing anything about it.
You need to think about protecting yourself from any charges. I would start contacting her doctors, county social workers, Area Agency on Aging, and ask what you can do about her deliberate starving. I don't mean to sound cruel or unduly upset you, but outsiders can be judgmental and cause problems for a caregiver.
You don't want to have to deal with elder abuse charges as well as all the other issues you're facing now.
As for taking pills, try crushing the pills [if crush-able] and put them into either apply sauce or ice cream. With the Ensure, try adding it to a glass of ice. My Mom didn't like the taste, she would say "too sweet" from her now limited communication, and one of the nurses at the facility tried the ice and it worked for my Mom.
And don't forget that with dementia the mind isn't thinking clearly. My Dad is now showing more signs of dementia and his mind will become stuck on one subject.... like your Mom's mind is stuck on feeding the pets, and in a month or two, she will be stuck on something else.
This behavior can be very frustrating, but it's a part of dementia. It's caused by brain damage and is the body's way of responding. She's not doing this to be mean or difficult. Maybe, if you read a lot about the condition, you will find it easier to accept it. Eventually, the body will shut down and even if the patient eats, their body will not absorb the nutrients.
Eventually, my loved one started back eating in Memory Care Assisted Living. She is on a schedule and eats anything they put in front of her for meals and snacks. I'm not sure why, but she did go on a medication called Cymbalta. She is no longer obsessive and seems pretty content most of the time. That could be why her appetite returned.
You might also discuss it with her doctor. Eventually, most dementia patients stop eating. It's a part of the condition.
I would try to get her bathed a couple of times per week. You might ask her doctor about that too. Can you afford to hire a person to come in and help with that? Sometimes dementia patients will cooperate better with someone from outside the home.