My mother who lives alone in a independent living senior apartments, makes me feel uncomfortable because I am not visiting her or being a caregiver to her like I use to be. Before my 63 year old husband was diagnosed with Parkinson Disease, Demenia (maybe early stage Alheimer), I am spending most of my time taking him to doctors appointments being his caregivers. My husband takes a lot of my time doing the day with his medication, preparing meal and going to his specialists for Parkinson, Chron's Disease and Enlarged Prostate. My mother calls me and want me to come over to take her to the store, most of the time its just for shopping. She has 3 other children, which another daughter is in the same area my mother and me. My sister calls her on the phone and talk to her everyday as well as my other siblings. My two brothers lives out of town, one in Maryland and the other in Charles City. My brother in Charles City and myself use to work well together in taking her to the doctors, but, unfortunately, he is sick, now. My brother in Maryland has step up to the plate and coming to visit her more often. She is living in a place where there are activities, and people she can socialize with, but, she calls constantly just to talk and hassle me on when I am coming to see her. She has seen my husband and know his condition because after her visit she tells me I know your hands are full, but, several hours letter she makes me feel like I am doing too much for him and I should not forget who raise me...I am your mother. I did tell her that I can not do what I use to do for her, but, she does have other children who should step up to the plate. Am I being a bad daughter for letting her know I can not do for her like I use to. What do you do when your mother appears to be jealous of the care I am giving my husband?
I am so sorry that your husband is facing these health issues so young. Is he on disability?
Generally the most common dementia diagnosis in his situation would be Parkinson's Disease with Dementia (PDD). This is one of the Lewy Body diseases. This is quite a bit different from Alzheimer's. You might want to look these up and see which seems a better match for his symptoms to you. In any case, he has a serious chronic condition and it is natural that your attention has to shift to him at this time.
I think our parents still view us as "children" which I can understand. And they still think we are in our 30 with a ton of energy. As we all know that ship had sailed some time ago. We are seniors trying to take care of older seniors.
I have finally in the past year been able to say to my folks "sorry, I can't possibly do that". They still will throw a bit a guilt back at me, but hey, they made the choice to remain in their home instead of moving to a retirement village that would have given them MORE freedom instead of trying to work around my work schedule.... [sigh]