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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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It’s been not quite a month and she is adamant that she wants to go home. I’m at my wits end with calls every day from the nursing home. This is so stressful!
I have not personally dealt with this situation. Others on the forum have, so please stick around for responses to your question.
Best wishes to you and your family. I can see how this situation would become tiresome after awhile and that you would feel hopeless in not knowing what to do. Have you asked the staff or social worker at her facility what they feel is best in this situation?
First I would stop answering your phone. If it's important whether it's the nursing home or your mom calling from it, they can leave a message. Second you just say to her that she is home, that this place is now her home. If she continues on, you continue saying the same things as well. Hopefully in time she will get the message and stop asking. And if not you'll have to try your best to change the subject. I'm sure it is stressful, but you know that she is where she needs to be, and for that, you should have some peace. Best wishes.
This is not how your mom and dad envisioned their elderly years. Separation and the feeling of loneliness are difficult for your mom and dad to adjust to. If your mom is in the late stage of dementia like you say, you can tell her most anything, she won't remember. The home she's referring to isn't a place, it's a time in her life. Even if you showed her pictures of her last home, she wouldn't recognize it. When people request to go home, you have no idea where they think they are at the present time. Maybe they think they're at a restaurant, or on vacation somewhere and it's time to head home (again, not meaning a specific place). This is where fiblets come in handy. “We'll be going home soon, mom”, might work, or, “we'll leave as soon as I'm done with this”, whatever “this” might be. Use Teepa Snow's favorite phrase, “tell me more”, “tell me about home, what are you going to do when you get there?” Or you might say that we've moved and this is our new home. A dementia NH staff should be well acquainted with these strategies.
Your everyday calls from the nursing home tells me that the staff hasn't had any dementia training, and doesn't know how to handle your mom's request to go home. Being able to respond to “I want to go home” is covered in dementia training 101.
There are certain issues the staff should keep you informed about like a change in meds, for example. You might make a list of things you would like to be contacted about, it would be quite short, and if her behavior is not on your list, ask them not to call, you'll check in at your convenience.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Best wishes to you and your family. I can see how this situation would become tiresome after awhile and that you would feel hopeless in not knowing what to do. Have you asked the staff or social worker at her facility what they feel is best in this situation?
Second you just say to her that she is home, that this place is now her home. If she continues on, you continue saying the same things as well. Hopefully in time she will get the message and stop asking. And if not you'll have to try your best to change the subject.
I'm sure it is stressful, but you know that she is where she needs to be, and for that, you should have some peace. Best wishes.
When people request to go home, you have no idea where they think they are at the present time. Maybe they think they're at a restaurant, or on vacation somewhere and it's time to head home (again, not meaning a specific place). This is where fiblets come in handy. “We'll be going home soon, mom”, might work, or, “we'll leave as soon as I'm done with this”, whatever “this” might be. Use Teepa Snow's favorite phrase, “tell me more”, “tell me about home, what are you going to do when you get there?” Or you might say that we've moved and this is our new home. A dementia NH staff should be well acquainted with these strategies.
Your everyday calls from the nursing home tells me that the staff hasn't had any dementia training, and doesn't know how to handle your mom's request to go home. Being able to respond to “I want to go home” is covered in dementia training 101.
There are certain issues the staff should keep you informed about like a change in meds, for example. You might make a list of things you would like to be contacted about, it would be quite short, and if her behavior is not on your list, ask them not to call, you'll check in at your convenience.