My mother has been taking care of my grandmother for the last 2 years. She is bed ridden, cannot take care of herself and is under Hospice care. My mother cannot physically or mental continue to care for her. My grandmother's social worker has found a very nice hospice facility that has a space for her immediately. The only caveat is that my grandmother refuses to go. Apparently she needs to give her consent and cannot be taken there against her will. But, if she doesn't go there will be no one to care for her. I was wondering what my mother's legal rights are. We were told that if she leaves it would be considered abandonment? My grandmother is dying and needs more care than anyone outside of the medical profession can give her. We do not want to lose the space at the Hospice so time is of the essence. Does anyone have any suggestions? Any help would be greatly appreciated. She lives in California. Thank you!
It's a terrible position for your mother and your grandmother. So very sad.
When legal ramifications enter the picture it seems to require an attorney.
Is your GM competent? I assume there are no other family members to take over for your mom. It's such a terrible burden for your mom to be in such a position. I can't imagine. Did your GM just recently go on hospice? Could your mom manage to visit with GM in the hospice facility? To sit with her there while others did the nursing? I'm sorry I'm not more help. Perhaps someone with more direct experience will answer.
Then, after 30 days or so, the temporary guardianship would end and responsibility transfer back to your mom. Hopefully, your mom has POA that can be invoked once grandmother is hospitalized.
Have a meeting with your social worker and grandma's dr and see if they can help expedite temporary guardianship (health) for grandma and get her placed.
If that doesn't work; see if doctor or hospice representative can come into the home and convince grandma that hospice outside the home is best for her care and well being and that it isn't advisable to stay in the home, yada yada. -- maybe others will be more persuasive than family.
Good luck.
Is GM still in her home and receiving care from mom? Unfortunately mom could be charged with abandonment if she leaves without proper notification to POA. Is there someone threatening your mom?
Get an elder law attorney to advise mom. She can leave but needs to go about it the right way. Tell those in charge that she will not provide the care, and other arrangements must be made.
A friend of mine gave me some sage advice on the concept of caring for a loved one and having it be too demanding: She said, " when you get instructions on an airplane on who to use the oxygen, the fight attendant will tell you to put the oxygen on yourself before you put it on your children." The point being, that if your mother can't breathe, your grandmother cannot get what she needs. So see if either of my suggestions is workable.
I know it's a white lie -- except for the vacation part -- but once she is established in the facility she will probably like the routine and care there.
I would suggest that you hire caregivers at night and maybe a nurse during the day (to give meds). Once your grandma sees that her daughter (your mom) isn't coming back, she might consent to go to the hospice. If there is not enough money to hire people, call her social worker to see if she can apply for emergency Medi-Cal and sign up for IHSS (In home support services) and see what other paid services would be available to her, so she could remain at home.
Once your mother leaves, your grandmother may realize she would be alone (without family) and want to be cared for at the hospice. Every effort should be given to keep GM at home BUT she may need to adapt to living at hospice if no other solution can be found.
You care for them both & seem in a tough spot - tell granny what your concerns are - quite often very ill people become extremely ego-centric to point of selfishness - they stop seeing beyond themselves plus everyone hides bad news from them to protect them so they are unaware of everything around them - granny may be unaware of how bad off mom is
See All Answers