I came home and found dishes in the sink, a mess on the counter, I went in the bathroom and found my toothbrush holder on the floor with my toothbrush thrown in another bin alongside the one I generally keep it in...She has a congested cough, yet wont take any otc cough med or even mucinex...dr. is aware..she even tried to refuse her insulin shot, but took it after I hinted she needed it...oh well, another day
hopefully it will be better..you never can tell from one day to the next but its just
her nastiness that really bugs me..although I act like it doesnt bother me, it does-alot-i just dont want her to know...Im sure she picks up on it.!
You deserve a chance at happiness. I don't think you are going to find it stuck in this situation.
Move out.
These slipping personal hygiene and housekeeping standards were a sign that just about everybody around her missed as dementia flags. Everybody in the community around mom just marked it up to her being nasty and then simply avoided her at all costs. This willful ignorance did not help her get services, help, or make changes that she needed to make to stay safe. Maybe there were some folks who were just plain ignorant about what dementia starts to look like, but I know there were some there who knew what was going on and didn't care enough about her to intervene because she would be mean as a snake to preserve her privacy and independence.
It got so bad I made a call to Adult Protection to report her as vulnerable, but she did her song & dance for the social worker, made up a story about being so busy lately that housework had gotten behind, and totally fooled the woman. Mom had not left the house in weeks. She wasn't busy. She was covering up.
If normal reasonable discussion about the house & hygiene aren't working anymore DO NOT assume it's because the person is just nasty now because they are old. They might be doing a fantastic job of covering up what's really happening and it is going to take a really strong personality in their life to dig in and uncover the real problems that need fixing - besides the dirty house.
Question = If an Adult is ..... what? ....somewhat out of control like in this situation, what can Adult Protective Services do ?
APS ? = Short Term and Long Term what APS does, please be specific with actual examples vs. theory or what their
flier states they will do = the county we live in is cutting, cutting, cutting everywhere!
I am not calling them yet, but my wife has problems too - not as bad as this situation but still problems for me -
Thanks!
pete
If that's all that is bothering you you could always try getting used to it. You won't remember when you used to flush your mum's toothbrush and make a mess on the floor, but she will have had plenty of that to put up with when you were younger.
If you mum has other conditions besides the ones you mention, and if you mention them, you will get some specific answers that might be helpful.
How old is she? Has she been diagnosed with any other conditions besides Diabetes? Are you her de facto caregiver or just her room,/house mate?
???
So frustrating i come home to cook dinner after a long day shopping getting her meds etc... then have to clean the whole house AGAIN! oh and i declined on the scones they look lovely BUT i saw the raisins were there from ww2!
Yep the day in the life of a "carer" oh and to add to my stress her latest thing now is taking the loo roll from the toilet? i shouldve known better to check BEFORE i pee so again have to come out of the loo with pants half down to look for loo paper! I asked her why she takes this and she denies all knowlegde says it wasnt her???????? i know its the cat??
When folks get to this point, they really truly require some outside help. It's going to get worse, not better. This is when the family needs to make decisions about whether it's safe for mom & dad to stay at home or what. If it's not feasible for family to pitch in, then someone needs to coordinate outside services, or start looking for an alternate residence. Don't wait for a crisis to start this thinking process, but way too many people do wait until a crisis happens out of denial.
to take her medicine so be it...I just tell her doc and go from there. Its not worth stressing about anymore. And the messes..I leave them and she cleans them up as she knows I ve had enough!! On the days she works I chip in at night but thats about it. Thanks to this site I dont sweat the small stuff anymore...It is just not worth it. I can tell her attitude has changed as well..plus shes on her thyroid medicine as well so shes (should I say) calmer? Well, thanks for the great posts-All the best...sandiw50....