My Mom (87) lives at home. She complains constantly about her, that she does not get along with her. When we, my sister and I, suggest that the lady should stop she is not keen anymore. We both live away from home. However, I took time to go home and observe as what the problem was. My mom is the one in the main to be blamed. She is slave driving her, she makes her do impossible chores. The lady's mandate was to give her care and attend to her needs but also keep the house clean, her space,clean as well. Now she is being treated as a cleaner by her and my brothers who partially live at home. They sleep at their homes but come during the day. When my sister intervene in the lady's favour, they, herself and they becomes resentful. This is causing a division between us siblings.
Yesterday, I received the call that Medicare will not pay past tomorrow. I've seen how people treat the residents in this facility. I've seen the social activities involved. I've seen the food (it's great, better than anything she gets here). She dines with a 'friend); She plays Bingo, which she loves. Elvis comes in every so often and shakes up the house) along with good old Bing and Frank) Christmas trees were everywhere this year. Way better than I could have done. And the option of family coming in and dining anytime during the year is huge).
I will be meeting with a Medicaid facilitator (can't do this myself, she knows the ropes) that was recommended by the facility. She will be staying another 60 days (as a Medicaid pending) and I will go home knowing my mother is SAFE. The CNA's are excellent and take the nonsense the residents hand out with a smile on their face but with the skill they have in just listening and taking everything with a grain of salt.
I'm sorry, but I am not my mother's caregiver, I have her daughter. I'd rather visit her in her new home rather than have to keep arguing about the stuff we argued about, the tissues, the tv, the bathroom, the TOILET PAPER!!!!!!.
So while this may not help you with your caregiver problem, it may help you decide whether or not assisted living and/or whatever it is you can afford, will make your life happier along with your mother's and your siblings.
Good luck.