I am a Physical Therapist in Denver. My mother lives with her husband in Iowa, but, because she has started wandering he is afraid she will get out if he isn't right there. He is putting her in a locked facility. Should family members visit, call, send flowers the first week or do they need time to adjust to their new surroundings?
Slyonspt - Bless you and your parents as you move down this road. Never let someone else determine what's right for your situation.
We moved her to a "locked nursing home unit" for people with dementia and she enjoyed the new people, and was very comfortable for the first few weeks. She then began to think she was in a hospital, forgetting where she was. Then she became agitated more. I kept asking her if they are taking good care of her. She always said, "oh yes, they are wonderful here." I always followed with "good, I'm so glad they are taking good care of you." Then we would move on to another topic. Sometimes other residents would jump in and say to her, "hey just think, we don't have to make meals, do laundry..... We are lucky!" I would thank them and she became more comfortable as we all got to know the other residents and she became a "part of the group." I feel she is getting much better care than I was able to provide.
BTW - she never got to a stage where she was a wanderer. There are so many different types of dementia. She now can't walk, and barely talks, but is comfortable.
It takes time, but you are doing what is right for you and your mom.
StaceyLee- I find here on this site and in my own surroundings that every family situation is different. You sound like you have good family support; so important where many of us do not have that. If you think ur Dad is in danger of hurting himself or others, than you might want to start investing places around you. But it sounds like he is still able to walk and care for himself? Not sure. You can always have your local social services/human services department come over and make an evaluation. That's what they are there for. Good luck!
-SS
I think at a point there is a risk/freedom/cost matrix that every family has to deal with. NOTHING can guarantee that your loved one won't get hurt (folks fall in locked facilities with supposed 24 hr supervision all the time).
Just my two cent's worth -- if your loved one is wandering out of the house at night & firing the caregivers they are likely not able to make rational judgement (though they may be socially adept -- seen this one first hand) & it may be time to "be the parent" -- night person or facility & "no choice" or "let's talk about it later" NOT options. If you don't already have DPOA get it.
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