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No. I am no contact with my mother for 8 years, and I will never have contact with her again. I too, suffer from PTSD given to me at her hands.

She is toxic, let her go...for your and your families sake. There is no written law that you should take care of your mother, that is a choice, based on many factors, abuse to a child or caretaker does not entitle another to be cared for.

Be honest, tell her the truth, move on.
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Stuck4ever Nov 2019
I’m so sorry you had to go through that with your mother. Having PTSD is indescribable and it’s hard sometimes. I know I have had a rough life but I never knew my symptoms of the PTSD.

When she moved in , I felt like a kid again and the responsibility of taking care of her and kids also overwhelmed me. Yes I suffered so much in her hands as a baby, child, teen. I tried and was so much happier without her contacting me. The minute I see her name on my phone my heart drops and I want to hide.
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NO...do NOT allow her to visit for the holidays! What if her sister (and your cousins) kick her out with the intent to make YOU take care of her again? I can see this being a real possibility!

Mean abusive parents do NOT get to decide who gets to do what for them. Your sister walked away, and so should you.

You deserve a better life than what it would be if your mother is in it.
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Stuck4ever Nov 2019
Thank you! I have a feeling that cousin and aunt are tired of her and are asking her to call me. I have this internal battle that nobody understands “ she’s your mother” they tell me. and I say there must be a way out of it.
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No. You don’t have to explain why. Just, “No!” And don’t attach any guilt to it. Someday if you want to visit her, do it under your terms and give yourself permission to leave if you need to.
I wish you peace and comfort for the coming holidays.
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Stuck4ever Nov 2019
right. I told her I will call her when I’m ready and that I’m hurt. She kept saying I’m your Mother though, what you don’t want to see me? I wish we had a Hallmark family but we don’t. She’s a bitter old woman.

Happy Holidays to you as well
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Good for you
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Stuck4ever Nov 2019
Thank you. Something I never thought I would go through.
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"It didn’t work when you lived with me, and it hasn’t worked while you live with your own sister. Family must trigger a lot of problems for you, and it seems that you will be happier living a bit more independently. So no, I can’t have you here, but I am looking forward to seeing you when you are getting professional care. Then I can be a daughter and you can be my mother, without all these other issues. It would be good if you could look at respite care for the holidays, and AL after that."
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Stuck4ever Nov 2019
The family trigger is unreal. The things I can tell would make people gasp. How did I survive to adulthood?
at one point mom and I got along great but when she moved in my house it was hell. I even looked to move out. of course her family thinks I’m a selfish mean daughter leaving her dear mother homeless.
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Unfortunately, that just doesn't work for me.
We have other plans for the holidays this year.
We'll be out of town.

She likes to say "I'm your mother" but conveniently forgets that mothers don't call their daughters ugly names. Nor do they cause them to suffer PTSD or require a doctors care or have their work unravel.

Remember that you are dealing with a manipulative person whose probably been kicked out of her sisters home and is now in need of new living accommodations. And using a visit for the holidays as her way to weasel herself back in the door.

Uunfortunately, that just doesn't work for me.
We have other plans for the holidays this year.
We'll be out of town.
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Stuck4ever Nov 2019
Yes! I’m afraid they are tired of her. She’s not easy to live with. They probably want their space. I told her I’m not ready to see her and I will call when it’s time. I’m sorry
But she again even after I told her that. She calls me like 5 times straight leaves texts, then calls husband 5 times... Ughhh I want peace.
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No. It is a complete sentence.

I am your mother, yep and the sunrises in the east and I can't help or change that either.

Stick to your guns and don't let her ruin your holidays.

I would block her number if I had to.

Sending you hugs with strength to say, NO, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
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Stuck4ever Nov 2019
Thank you :)

Im thinking of blocking her. I’m tired of feeling sad, scared and frustrated. She doesn’t take No. you would think at an older age she would be different. Plus the fact she sounded intoxicated made me angry.
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I know it’s hard to say no, especially to your mom. Look at it as saying yes to your husband and your children and most importantly to yourself.
I am so glad that you are in therapy and getting the help you need.
Probably she would want to stay longer than the holidays and of course there would be drama all the way through.
So stay strong. You are doing the right thing.
Look at this as a little test to strengthen your resolve. I’m so sorry it’s this tough. Focus on your family. Hugs
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Stuck4ever Nov 2019
Thank you :)
It’s hard because then you feel guilt. She gives me the worst kinds of feelings. Before all this we got along great and I thought no problem she can live with us and I will take care of her. But then I felt a dark shadow overcome me from the past. I’m not even sure if I make any sense. She always asked “where you going, hurry up come back, your dog wants to go out etc”.
I felt like a child in my house that I worked to buy.
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