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She complains constantly about everyone and every thing. She's so negative, no one wants to even talk to her.

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It depends on if you live with her or not. Are you her caregiver? If you are, you can always just tell yourself her negativity is her problem and try to let it roll off you. It won't help to ask her why she is so negative, because she'll just give you a bitter list of what is wrong with you and the world. It is better to just let it roll off and walk away when it gets to be too much. Negative people can be toxic, so we have to protect ourselves from an overdose of them.
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Oh, we must be sisters and have the same mom!!! Okay, I have the benefit of 3 yrs of this now. My mom is 90 lives independently and has dementia. At first I argued with her, got mad, frustrated, went thru all the emotions and have finally "matured enough" thru the process to better try to understand and have patience.

I don't live with her and live long distance so I can get away from it.

Mom has alienated all friends, neighbors, and family at this point with her stubbornness and orneriness and hateful outlook on life. I'm the only one left who even calls and visits. It's not easy. I have finally set boundaries and wisely chose my battles and make sure I'm emotionally ready for our visits or calls.

How?
I call her when I know she will be most alert.
I've stopped asking her questions about eating, health, moving, etc which I used to nag her about.
I let her lead, and take a deep breath when she repeats a story I've heard a hundred times
I let her go ahead and be negative about a bank teller, neighbor, plumber, etc and just nod but don't feed into it anymore
I try to talk only about neutral things like her interests, fashion, positive news, grandchildren, etc.
if she is really negative or in foul mood, I just keep it short and call again later
I end every conversation with " I love you mom"
I go sit calmly somewhere have a drink or cup of tea and regroup for the next time.

I remind myself every time, that her negativity is due to her disease and aging process where everyday is a struggle to keep going, loneliness without friends or spouse, and general grief over losing control and no longer being able to do all the things you once did easily, knowing your mind is slowing and going and realizing you aren't as sharp as you were and its not going to get better...that is what mom faces everyday when she looks in the mirror or attempts to pay bills, go shopping, make a meal. So while friends and family have given up (and I want to many times too), I try to be cognizant of how she feels, and suck it up and call or visit anyway -- I can't abandon her knowing I'm her only link left. I can't leave her feeling she isn't loved or cared about or marginalized.
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My Mom at this time is living in a Senior Apts complex. She is so negative to almost everyone. Complains constantly. I just don't want it to get out of hand and she gets kicked out of the complex. I talk to her manager allot. My siblings have nothing to do with her, neither does her only living sibling nor cousins. She asks me all of the time why she never hears from anyone.
It's been hard for me, we left California in 1981, only saw my family once a year for a very long time, then in 2009, a year after my Step-Dad died, she was living in Oregon and had some health problems, so I had to move her up to WA so she'd be near me. My husband was diagnosed with Brain Cancer, the whole time I was caring for him, she was jealous. As soon as he passed away, she became very needy and wouldn't give me time to even grieve for him. It's always her!
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Our Mom is 87 and was pretty much a diva all of her life. She was the mother of seven children. That's right seven children! Four girls and three boys. The girls were her house cleaners while her sons were the apples of her eye. Our Dad passed away 3 years ago from cancer and the last five or six years of his life consisted of him waiting on my mother had and foot. His day started with my mother getting up from bed and moving into the den into HIS lounge chair wrapping herself in a blanket. He would then walk to the end of their long drive way to get the morning paper for her to read and proceed to make them coffee and some breakfast. IF someone happened to stop by they were only allowed in IF my MOTHER agreed they could come in or liked them. My Mom now lives with my oldest sister and complains about everything. Most days she is unhappy and her mantra is she wants to die. Her favorite comeback to our trying to get her to get out of the house to do something and get a change of scenery is " wait till you get my age, you'll see how fun it is!". She complains of pain all the time and that she can't do things or move her legs or arms, but when she thinks people aren't looking or when we are inside and she is outside we see her throwing her leg up on chairs or putting her arms in sweaters that she was to feeble to do in your presence the day before. When healthcare workers were here to assist her when she was constantly complaining of being unable to walk and unable to get herself out of bed she hissed and slapped at them that she could get up and down fine and proceeded to show them. Signed off on the discharge papers for the in home care and the next day proceeded to act out that she couldn't get up or walk again! She also complains a out how her grandchildren don't have anything to so with her and won't come to see her. What she refuses to acknowledge is that while they were growing up she never acknowledged them, had no time for them. When they were born, she never went to the hospital to see them or to their home to see them or their mother to help out after their birth. Nor did she ever remember their birthdays or give them Christmas presents. She also made it very clear to their parents growing up by saying just because I'm their grandmother doesn't mean I'm their babysitter! She now wants them to be lovey dovey all over her when they see her just because she is their grandmother and gets upset and pouty when they aren't. Please don't misunderstand we don't hate our mother we try hard to be patient and understanding, but when you know that the majority of the daily events are because they feel they are entitled because they are your mother it tends to grate on you after awhile. I think it drove my poor Father into an early grave and I try not to resent her for that!
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Don't sugarcoat anything and give it to her straight. That toxicity -- and perhaps quest for a 1st place on the Pain & Misery Contest -- might be grounds for eviction from that complex. This kind of attention-seeking behaviors, without palpable consequences, are apt to be repeated; and she can't afford to alienate/antagonize people and later flip the script on them by playing the victim. Check it.
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I can be a troublemaker. Sometimes when I talk to someone like that, I do just "feed into it" and play the game of saying more and more negative things until it becomes absurd. What I want to do is to get a laugh.

I did this mostly with my BFF's mother. I understand it would not be fun at all for the daughter with many mothers. But do try to have a sense of humor. "Tell me, mom, what a** screwed up today? Yes, it's true that no one calls you. They're waiting for you to win the lottery. Then they'll all come around."

I understand how it can get a person down. My husband often shifts into a negative mood, and I want to kill him! Fortunately, he always laughs when I call him a poopyhead, or bring him his cat.
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Dear Dana24, you mother did not have seven children, she had eight. I think she misplaced me somewhere. Or maybe it was that your mother and mine are twins separated at birth. I could have, and this is the honest truth, written your posted almost verbatim. Except my mother does send out "checks" on Christmas and birthdays. She did help me, but only during the day time on her clock, when I had twins and a two year old but like your mother made it a point of pride she would not baby sit, ever.

When we moved to another state she and my father visited for a few years. Could never make either one happy, so they just stopped visiting about 16 years ago. My kids don't know her and don't care anymore. And she pouts and complains constantly that "she has no one". Her own fault.

Lord, help all of us dealing with these unbelievable, selfish, miserable people. But my husbands does say, "she is happy in her misery." Must be, she will be 83 soon and is healthy as a horse. Go figure.
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Wow! So much the same in our situations!
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My mom was the same way - she was miserable due to chronic pain and it made her attitude miserable because of it.
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Which reminds me! Tell her doctor about her behavior, and ask for pain medication and antidepressants for mer mood. In her presence, call them all pain pills!
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