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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Hmmm See I have a different point of view to everyone else on this. She may just actually have lived long enough and feels its her time. Of course the professional will prescribe antidepressants - its their job to but is she depressed or just a realist. She knows at 97 there is not a great deal of time left - perhaps she is just expressing her prefernce over a long drawn ailment with failing everything and total dependency on people she never wated to have to depend on. Tough call ....if you asked me how I wanted to die I would say exactly the same thing. And I cannot for one second imagine that will change - when I have to depend on others then ...for me... and I stress for me - we are all individuals so all have different views...but for me once I cannot do for myself then let me shuffle off my mortal coil and learn how to haunt all those devils that I have met over the years
Paxil is an SSRI, but if it is not working, ask the MD to try something else. There are many newer drugs available. Some SSRI's lose effectiveness over a long period of time. Also ask about a monthly B12 shot for her. Last but not least, sunshine and fresh air are good for everybody. Get some.
Good grief, I have to agree with JudeAH53 and TooYoungForThis. Between my 86 year old Mom and 89 year old Mother-in-Law, I've heard it all. When the elderly's quality of life (what THEY feel not what WE feel their quality of life is) is such that they feel "tired" of living, you can't blame them. My Mother-in-Law (MIL) is a realist. She's told me over and over in the last year, "I'm tired. It's getting harder and harder for me to get around, hear people (she's lost a lot of her hearing), etc. Dying is a lot of work." Wow. But she's right.
She's done a lot in her 89 years -- raised 5 kids, grandchildren, great grandchildren and great-great grandchildren! Good Lord, the woman needs a rest and she's telling us about it! (smile) I love my MIL dearly and I get what she's saying. She's tired and ready to go. Her ailments are basically that she's old -- no underlying illness to speak of -- just old. I get it.
My mother, however, (age 86), is also hard of hearing (with 2 hearing aids), moves at the pace of a snail, barely eats to sustain her weight, can't see very well, can't hear on the phone, depends on my brother and myself to drive her places, won't give up the check writing duties to me, and she wants to live FOREVER! Her ailments are basically the same as my mother's --- old age creeping up on her. My MIL was quite active all her life; my Mom -- not active at all -- so she can barely walk now because she's never exercised during her life, never worked a job, her friends are all dead (same with my MIL), so exactly what are they living for they're thinking. It's not depression, it's not being fatalistic --- it's being REALISTIC in their minds.
I don't know, bm0508ps, what I said is probably not what you wanted to hear and I apologize if I've offended you, but at 97 years of age, you don't say what your Mom's health status is, but how much longer do you think she has? Just love her and try to be as upbeat as you can. Is she living with you? Is she in a nursing home? Assisted living?
As someone else said on another thread, "I didn't put my parent in a nursing home to die." Well, unfortunately, that's exactly what's going to happen. You try to care for your parents as best you can. When you can't do it anymore, you enlist the assistance of home CNAs, visiting nurses, or get them placed in a nursing facility or assisted living as appropriate. We can only do the best we can, try to not feel guilty about it (boy, THAT'S hard), and love them while they're here. Hugs to you.
My 91-yr-old mom frequently used to talk about wanting to die. After a long bout in the hospital and skilled nursing last year a case mgr. came over to finish out her case and see how she was doing. He asked her what short term goal she would be willing to commit to, to improve any aspect of her life important to her. She replied by saying, Well I'd really like to go to sleep sometime very soon and not wake up. Poor guy. He's a mandatory reporter and took that as a possible suicide wish vs. my mom not really getting the question and saying how she felt. Not that she'd do anything about it. Anyway, I spoke to her doc about it and he put her on a low dose of Zoloft since she's so small now. I've seen a fairly substantial positive change. She winks and me and smiles more, wants me to take her for a walk, etc.
Well, is she old & weak & ready to die? At 97 years old, I'd have to say she's lived a very long life. Sometimes, very elderly folks just want to die. Their siblings, friends, spouse, etc. are already dead. It is frustrating for the ones that are around her to constantly hear this. I don't think I'd necessarily call this "depression", though.
Everybody makes a big deal over living to be 100 years old. People say "I want to live to be 100 years old". I sure as heck don't want to live to be 100 years old. What quality of life would somebody have at 100 years old? I don't think sitting around in a chair all day long, looking out the window, a good quality of life.
I'm not sure a doctor would even venture into territory to prescribe a 97 year old woman a new anti depressant.
I'd say tolerate it as well as you can. Don't egg her on to continue talking about wanting to die, but remind her of the good things in her life right now. Tell her that you love her & spend some time with her. At 97 years old, what's she got left at this point? When life turns into getting up in the morning, eating breakfast, brushing your teeth & washing up, getting dressed, sitting in a chair until lunchtime, eating lunch, sitting in a chair until dinner, eating dinner, sitting in a chair until bedtime & going to sleep, only to do it all over the next day, it can't be all that motivating to want to live.
I don't think this was an answer or advice in any way. I can just understand how she feels.
Paxil is already an antidepressant. If she has been on this med for years, better talk to the doctor about a change in med. Medication to help clinical depression is really meant to be taken for short periods of time to correct the chemical imbalance. Research shows depression will cure itself if given enough time, so perhaps she needs to stop taking Paxil. Have her talk with her doctor or psychiatrist because at 97 yrs. she is old, and she will die and that is a depressing thought to most. Love her patiently for the remaining time...
I also have a different view. Does she have a reason to get up every day? Does she have anything to look forward to? Does she see friends? Does she spend time around little kids or pets or things that are very much alive? Does she go out to lunch or dinner or to a show or concert? Does she listen to music? These are the things that make life enjoyable and interesting. Can you spark up her life for her before going to drugs?
I believe people have the right to decide how they want to live and how they want to die. Dignity is what matters. Your mom has led a dignified life and is making her wishes clear to you. Now is the time to get her paperwork in order. For example, does she have a DNR? Now also is the time to spend as much time as you can talking to your mom and recording her memories so that you can celebrate her life while she's still with you. I hope you find peace in her decision.
My mother was on Paxil for 15 years. She has dementia and was experiencing sundowners syndrome during the later afternoon hours. She used to get very angry, sad and upset. She was very unhappy and also wanted to die. The first time she went to a geriatric psychiatrist, he said that she was on Paxil for a long time and it no longer is helping her. He prescribed an antidepressant. We had to try different ones because of the side affects, but my mother is now on Fluoxetine (Prozac), which is helping her with her moods. She is much happier now.
At 97 I'm not sure if she should start another anti depressant or not but no matter how much longer she lives, her days should be happy and peaceful. My mom is only 73 but struggles with depression and has for years. After trial and error on a few different anti depressants her doctor put her on Zoloft in January. They started with 25 mg and then raised her to 50 mg ( she is very petite too). She definitely had to endure some of the initial side affects but she is doing SO much better now. Happier and more peaceful and even some of the pain she used to complain about has subsided. So, if you do decide to add or change something I recommend asking her doctor about Zoloft. I know decisions like this are tough to make but also understand that a lot of elderly people will say that they are ready to die. One of the ladies at my mom's A.L. says that all the time but she's actually one of the more active ones. That may just be how they deal with the realization that their time on earth my be coming to an end. Best of luck to you!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Last but not least, sunshine and fresh air are good for everybody. Get some.
She's done a lot in her 89 years -- raised 5 kids, grandchildren, great grandchildren and great-great grandchildren! Good Lord, the woman needs a rest and she's telling us about it! (smile) I love my MIL dearly and I get what she's saying. She's tired and ready to go. Her ailments are basically that she's old -- no underlying illness to speak of -- just old. I get it.
My mother, however, (age 86), is also hard of hearing (with 2 hearing aids), moves at the pace of a snail, barely eats to sustain her weight, can't see very well, can't hear on the phone, depends on my brother and myself to drive her places, won't give up the check writing duties to me, and she wants to live FOREVER! Her ailments are basically the same as my mother's --- old age creeping up on her. My MIL was quite active all her life; my Mom -- not active at all -- so she can barely walk now because she's never exercised during her life, never worked a job, her friends are all dead (same with my MIL), so exactly what are they living for they're thinking. It's not depression, it's not being fatalistic --- it's being REALISTIC in their minds.
I don't know, bm0508ps, what I said is probably not what you wanted to hear and I apologize if I've offended you, but at 97 years of age, you don't say what your Mom's health status is, but how much longer do you think she has? Just love her and try to be as upbeat as you can. Is she living with you? Is she in a nursing home? Assisted living?
As someone else said on another thread, "I didn't put my parent in a nursing home to die." Well, unfortunately, that's exactly what's going to happen. You try to care for your parents as best you can. When you can't do it anymore, you enlist the assistance of home CNAs, visiting nurses, or get them placed in a nursing facility or assisted living as appropriate. We can only do the best we can, try to not feel guilty about it (boy, THAT'S hard), and love them while they're here. Hugs to you.
Everybody makes a big deal over living to be 100 years old. People say "I want to live to be 100 years old". I sure as heck don't want to live to be 100 years old. What quality of life would somebody have at 100 years old? I don't think sitting around in a chair all day long, looking out the window, a good quality of life.
I'm not sure a doctor would even venture into territory to prescribe a 97 year old woman a new anti depressant.
I'd say tolerate it as well as you can. Don't egg her on to continue talking about wanting to die, but remind her of the good things in her life right now. Tell her that you love her & spend some time with her. At 97 years old, what's she got left at this point? When life turns into getting up in the morning, eating breakfast, brushing your teeth & washing up, getting dressed, sitting in a chair until lunchtime, eating lunch, sitting in a chair until dinner, eating dinner, sitting in a chair until bedtime & going to sleep, only to do it all over the next day, it can't be all that motivating to want to live.
I don't think this was an answer or advice in any way. I can just understand how she feels.
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