Mom lives alone and likes her space. Originally after dad died, I was her only caregiver. Now, due to increased pain and the need for extra help, she has to have 2 shifts of caregivers every day. She doesn't like having to carry on conversation all day and has changed her mind several times with the agency due to being stressed from this. I told her that if she decides to have all day care (which she just did), she has to accept it and not change her mind again.
I just called to check up on her and she complained again. I told her I don't want to hear it. Am I being mean? What should I say when she complains?
If you aren't local, then the supervisor from the agency should be able to handle negotiations. On my first job as a companion, I was told that the client had said she didn't want anyone who was too chatty, so it's a common situation.
I shouldn't worry too much about the agency. I'm sure they'll appreciate your efforts not to inconvenience them, but if they're any good they will have seen it all before and know how to manage things considerately. They're also the people to talk to if you think there might be a personality mis-match with a particular carer, by the way: they'll be used to solving the problem without anyone's feelings getting hurt.
A little tip: give them somewhere to hang out, then give your mom a signalling device. We have a set of battery operated door bells: the push button is attached to a lanyard, and given to her to push when she needs or wants our attention, the actual bell portion we keep near us. We're only steps away, but out of sight. It puts the control over the situation into her hands, and she doesn't have to feel like we're hovering. I can't imagine feeling like someone is watching my every move.
Part of the problem of forced conversation filling in the 'blanks' is that the morning person is there primarily to put pain ointment on her and heat packs every hour. The afternoon shift is typically bath duty and making lunch/dinner where that's not a problem.
I feel her pain...she is a sweet, outgoing caring woman and I need to remind her this is her life and her time and her home and they are their to meet her needs, not the other way around. I like the idea of having them in another room. Brilliant!!
We too, have a wireless doorbell that is kept next to the bed for my mom's husband of 7 years to use in case of complete disorientation during the night. It has been used on several occasions in the middle of the night when my mom thinks there is a stranger in her bed, or she doesn't want her little girls to find out she is sleeping with someone or she tells him it is time to go home.
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