Mom is so mean and negative to dad, She tells him she's so sick she can't get up, but when I call or go see her she acts all good and doesn't complain. Lately she has made several dr and dentist appointments, only to call and cancel saying she's too sick to go. She is wearing dad out. They are both 84. She wants him at her beck and call! He does all of the housework, laundry and cooking. It's really hard not to have bad feelings toward her. She is on depression meds. She sleeps 15-20 hrs a day. I see my dad slowly regressing from a very healthy 84 yr? I would like to help both of them live a happier life.
It sounds like your mom could use a medical check up and maybe some psychiatric help. I know it's difficult to get them to a psychiatrist at that age, but maybe her regular doctor can prescribe her something to help her feel better.
ALSO, have her evaluated for dementia. Her regular doctor can test for that in his office. You need to inform the doctor of what is going on, so they know what to look for. Dad may fail to report how she really is.
Often the early signs of dementia comes in the form of being difficult, nasty and irrational. You can't convince a person with that condition to reason. Their brain is making them that way. I would try to find out what is causing her to behave that way. At least with that, you can plan for their care if you know what to expect.
I have a stubborn single mother who is her own worst enemy. I have had many medical and economic issues and have decided to save myself. It sounds like your Dad needs to "save himself ". If Mom is too ornery or has dementia, he will go down with the ship.
I agree that she should have a complete medical and physiatric evaluation. The sleeping might be a sign of overmedication or dementia.
What ever the case may be, I would definitely have a social worker (neutral 3rd party) take a look in.
Sounds like a housekeeper is in order. I am not old or disabled, but I could use a housekeeper!
I hear the other responders. Sounds like Dad is getting very worn out. Parental quarreling is one thing. Him going down the drain with her is another.
Definitely sounds like a 3rd party would help sort it out. Trying to mediate your parents' interactions is a good start. If that fails, call a social worker in. It sounds like your Dad is becoming unnecessarily exhausted because of Mom's behavior.
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