I care for my mom (96) and have for past 3 years living with me. She either ignores me or does the opposite. when her hearing aid batteries go out at in appropriate times I have to raise my voice to her and at times it sounds harsh. Sometimes it probably is but never abusive. This goes on 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. Someone said I was abusing my mother by talking to her that way. I tried to explain about her hearing aid batteries had gone out and as soon as I cleaned her up from using the bathroom I would go and get replacements out of her room. I was so angry at that person! Am I wrong?
My mother didn't wear hear aids but had impaired hearing. I did have to raise my voice to repeat things. Usually it was just a word or two that she heard wrong. At least she never complained that I was yelling at her.
But there is the natural immediate reaction, of feeling angry, to this person's meddling; and then there is the more patient, considered reaction to his or her underlying good intentions. The "positive good intention" of your critic is to prevent your mother from being spoken to unkindly. Well, you agree with that! You too would like not to speak to your mother in a way that seems unkind, even if it isn't really.
So once you have taken a deep breath, counted to ten (or a hundred) and reflected briefly, the thing to do is to thank the person for his or her concern, explain the difficulty, and assure the person that your mother's welfare is in safe hands. You may also feel like advising that person in return to consider the practical difficulties of particular circumstances before he or she hands out criticism: that way, he or she is less likely to be given a thick ear by someone less patient than yourself in future.