We can all be in a conversation about fun stuff, and then the phone rings and voila, she talks right in front of us instead of stepping away taking away our conversation. I do not know how to tell her that is inappropriate. My husband will do that too, but he complains, therefore, here I am again a mediator! Urgh! I'm throwing my hands up! Rude!
PatatHome01
PatatHome01
NOT to put anyone down because I know we all do the best we can --- But --- calling someone rude is sort of like name-calling. The advice I have gotten is to figure out what you are entitled to, or what injury you are suffering from the behavior.
The masturbating father-in-law is just fine - as long as he keeps it in his room. If he doesn't, you don't try to tell him not to masturbate. You tell him he has to do it in private. Tell him no one wants to look at it, especially not children.
If your mom doesn't respect your privacy, and she's not demented, don't tell her she's being rude. Tell her that you were having a private and important conversation, so would she please take her call elsewhere? You have every right to interrupt her call to tell her this and insist that she change her behavior when you ask. As often as necessary.
It's not her rudeness that is the problem. It's her impact on you that you can object to. Telling anyone that they are being rude will just make them defensive and angry. As with all "good advice," easy to say and hard to do. Good luck.
frustrated3, you really should tell her what she's doing is rude and it bothers you. It can be said in a non confrontational tone. It's not fair to you for her to continue to get on your last nerve and its not fair to mom not to be honest with her. She may not know you are upset or if shes doing this on purpose, it needs to addressed. Problems don't go away with just wishing. I'd sure want to know if I was annoying the family. I had to tell my mom several times to stop doing things. Sometimes she didn't know she was upsetting us. Other times she did it on purpose and we got it out in the open so she knew we weren't going to tolerate it. I can't say she always liked it but we found some of kind of solution. It was the fair thing to do for all of us.
My mom and her friends got rid of the red/purple hats because they found they were treated differently (i.e. old) when they had luncheons.
My MIL has this attitude and my grandmother didn't. Guess who was more welcome everywhere she went? Not the lady in the red hat. Growing old doesn't give anyone the right to be a brat. Our parents wouldn't stand for that behavior when we were young.
And folks, let's not be too quick to judge frustrated3. We don't know the full story.
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
Jenny Joseph
A great poem. To me it says, when I am old I will do what I want after a lifetime of doing what I must. Is it right? Who knows. But I kinda think so. I would also add--when I am old:
I will back out of my driveway without turning around-so get out of my way
I will swear at teenagers
I will braid my hair like a little girl
I will eat with my fingers
I will ask the priest to repeat something I did not understand during mass
I will point , a lot
I will touch your knee when I talk to you so you cannot leave
I will tell young men they need to open the door for me
I will tell young ladies they need to help me load my car
I will tell my neighbors to watch out for me
I will have many cats
And I will talk loud on the phone in from of my family
Yes, old people can be rude but after a lifetime of niceness I say go for it.
If she doesn't step away, why don't the rest of you?