For instance today I phoned her and she said she wasn't feeling right so I phoned the nursing home to check on her and they phoned me back and said that when they asked her she said she was fine. This seems to happen fairly often. Is she lying to me or is she lying to them. What do you think?
Get specific with her when she says that. "What hurts?" "Well, what doesn't feel right?" "What do you think the probem is?"
Mom was in a nursing home for 2-1/2 months in rehab -- with many other health issues to go along with recuperating from her broken hip. I personally can't imagine calling the nursing home if mom said, "I'm not feeling right." I'd be asking more questions.
Please!! No offense!! It's just that MY mom is 87 years old. She's never "feeling right." If I had nothing more specific to go on than that? I wouldn't be bothering staff. "Oh, that's too bad . . . I hope you're feeling better tomorrow." This assuming I'd asked questions like, "What hurts?" "What's going on?"
It could be, as Maggie says, that she's just (what my father used to call) "wingling" at you, like that sound of generalised discontent that babies put out when there isn't really anything to cry about but they'd like some attention; but on the other hand it could be that she's happy to confide in you but clams up when she's asked by someone she doesn't know very well.
Are you able to get to her NH? Because if possible, seeing as there is something in particular that she's mentioned, you'd want someone to come and examine her while you're physically there to encourage her to she speak up. And ideally, get her favourite member of staff there too, so that next time that person knows how best to get answers out of her in front of the doctor. Best of luck, and hope there isn't anything to worry about.
I don't know if this might work for you, but doctors in the family, when speaking to doctors treating family members, tend to say something like "I wonder if you think such-and-such might be worth considering." Translation: oi, fathead, why haven't you tested for xxx? - only of course they wouldn't ever be anything but courteous.
Again, the thing is, no doctor should EVER take offence at being asked questions by a relative. And yet, and yet, we all know some who do, all the same, don't we?
But how is your mother doing? If she's still complaining (I mean in the clinical sense, not in the whiney sense) of a sore throat, then the only thing to do is speak to the doctor, on the phone or in person, and tell him how concerned you are that his respected patient (and I agree it is a good sign when they treat the person, rather than the dear little old lady) still seems to be in discomfort. I hope she's soon feeling better.
I've been struggling with the fact that I have siblings who see me as a person who needs to distance myself from my mom in order to protect my heart for when she dies. But at the same time they rarely go to see her or get involved when problems arise.
I guess what I'm trying to say is if I had some support from them maybe I wouldn't get so alarmed when my mom says she is feeling bad but since I feel like I'm responsible for her it falls on my shoulders to make sure she is well. (not that I'm complaining) I adore my mom and that would never change whether I had one or fifty people helping me.
I will continue to monitor my mom's complaints and see if there is a pattern of any kind and will phone her doctor this week and ask him to look into this. Someone on this forum had mentioned (I think it was you ba8alou) that you had gotten them to change your Mom's pain medication to an as needed basis. I will try to do the same.
You guys are all so great!! Thx for all your advice.
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