Mom not only doesn’t recognize me, she doesn’t want to see me at all. Advice?

Question

Mom not only doesn’t recognize me, she doesn’t want to see me at all. Advice?

Follow

Share

She looked literally through me, refused my touch, didn’t answer me except to tell me : I don’t want you, I want daddy to bring me home.

I’m still crushed one week later, I try to reason with myself as usual since 6 years, but I can’t help to feel visiting is useless for her and painful for me because since the last 2 months it worsens week after week. I’m exhausted.

All advices are welcome.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Burnout Mom

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

22 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First

My 96 yr old Mom, deep in Alzheimer's has not recognized me for years. I am the only one of 3 siblings close enough to visit. When I say "Hi Mom", nothing so I now greet her by her first name. Sometimes she says "Hi there". Other times nothing. It is so painful, I just sit with her and silently sob. For years she was terrified of ending up just like this " in a wheel chair at the nurses station drooling", and yet this is our reality. I also pray every night the Lord to take her home, hardest thing I have ever done. I am so sorry you are struggling with this. I visit once a week to survey the facility, interact with the staff and oversee her supplies. Different days, different times of day. I go out of my way to thank each staff member for taking such good care of her, write notes of appreciation and bring small wrapped treats occasionally. ( before covid they were home made, but now I buy commercially made) . Anything I can do to let them know she was a kind thoughtful woman before Alzheimer's stripped her of living. I wish you peace and comfort.

Helpful Answer (0)

Report

My heart goes to you, I so much understand the heartache! During the isolating period of covid when it was forbidden to visit (which broke the fragile memory link I was entertaining with all means possible), I sent flowers, chocolate, balloons, cards to mom and to the staff (not at the same time).

I think that what you are living will be my living in the weeks to come : visiting to see that all is well and thanking the staff in person.

I’m not quite ready to do so but are we ever ready with this monster that slowly breaks the people we love in so many different ways over so many excruciating years!?

Like your mother mine too feared to end just like she will. She still asks 2 things that are the same in a sense : that her daddy comes and brings her home and that her Father comes and brings her Home.

What I find very difficult not to be recognized as a daughter or even a sibling is not what people think, it’s not that I’m not recognized per se. It is because being just a kind visitor she considers me irrelevant if I can’t bring her home and so she rejects,violently rejects, all tentatives to approach her. She forms around her an impenetrable bubble. I’m mourning the impossibility to bring her even just a friendly comfort. When I will be healed (not completely but enough) from this new turn of event, I’ll do as you do. It will be a new kind of mourning!

Big hug and that all the comfort I can’t give to mom be yours! God bless you and give us courage and endurance!

(0)

Report

Its painful to experience what you've described. When mom developed dementia she only recognized my middle sister and I during the last three or four years of her life. My heart still aches for our younger sister who she didn't acknowledge at all. Point? You're not alone. It happens in some cases. It doesn't mean, however, that she didn't love you when she was cognizant.

Her brain is diseased and she has lost some/much of her memories and experiences. It has nothing to do with how precious you were to her when she was "present" mentally. Forgive her for something she has no control over. And forgive yourself for the feelings you have; they are very natural.

At the stage you've described here, your visits are more for you than for her. You may find them difficult because you are looking for something that's not there, i.e., her recognition of you. Its unlikely that will happen any more. However, if you stop visiting altogether, you may regret it later. Love is about expression of our feelings for someone. IF we receive love in return, it is wonderful and that interchange builds and builds making us feel wanted, special and warm. It can be painful when its one-sided. In your mom's case, she isn't able to express love to you. She can't even express it to others even though it may seem like that's what she's doing. So, when you do visit, its to let her (and yourself) know you love her. You'll be glad later on that you took the time to do that, especially once she's gone. Still, each person has to do what is best for them.

Some time after mom died I realized that things she said to me were merely parroting what I had said to her earlier. That's what dementia patients do. They're tricky! Some can keep a response in their short-term memory long enough to fool us into thinking they are conversing with us when in fact, they are merely parroting our thoughts or actions.

For your own sake, write your mom a letter. Express what you're feeling and don't hold back. Put the letter away and review it in six months or a year. This may help you get some of those negative feelings out, allow you to forgive her and let go of some of the pain you're feeling.

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

Very kind of you for sharing your experience and offers me compassion. When I say that mom doesn’t recognize me it’s to explain that she treats me as a relative, friend or family, that can’t give her what’s she wants. As her daughter I could not bring her what she wants and she accepted. Even when she thought that I was her little sister. Now she shut me out of her bubble completely as anybody else.Since we could return to visit her when the sanitary protection against covid stopped the relation never came back!

(0)

Report

I’d try bribing her with little 🎁 gifts and treats …food whatever surprises …things you think she might enjoy … maybe that’s way to help her look forward
to your visits …. Imagine the pain confusion frustration she suffers especially if she always was very independent in control perfectionist but it does make you childlike …like a
3 year old in many ways …
but it’s a big mistake to think they’re not aware of everything they’ve lost !!!
best luck

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

Thank you for wanting to help, but for now nothing goes through her bubble. She wants only one thing and only that and doesn’t accept gift, caress, chocolate (her favourite).
So I wait and see...

(0)

Report

It is exhausting and it is painfully sad for a daughter to experience this from a parent. My heart goes out to you.

I understand you feel emotionally and psychologically crushed.

* It is apples and oranges to understand intellectually what dementia is - and how the brain changes, knowing it is the BRAIN changing and NOT your mother - and a / your gut reaction to what feels like absolute rejection.

* With this said, it is important for you to separate the two (even if this is a life long pattern, which triggers deeper and more visceral reactions in you) -

I suggest:
- Refocus your thoughts and feelings using C O M P A S S I O N to support you to move through these feelings. Start with:
(1) Feeling compassion for you, the little girl inside who is 6 years old. Sit in a comfortable chair and see her with your mom, and see your mom giving her a comforting hug. Really feel it.
(2) As an adult, visualize yourself extending compassion towards her - for she did and is now doing only what she can.
(3) Realize that trying to 'reason' these feelings away is hard; it hurts. Learn that you can hold two (or more) feelings concurrently (by practicing).
a) how you feel hurts
b) reframing feelings by the awareness of compassion.

You might want to start with a meditation (sitting in a quiet space) and seeing the word COMPASSION and/or feeling it in your heart. However you bring up the thought and feeling of compassion, ask IT to guide you. Ask 'it' what it wants to give you and what you do for both yourself and your mom putting this quality into a living form.

This exercise may be very abstract to you - to others - play with it.
Allow your inner guide to take over - get your logic(al) head out of the way.
This will shift your feelings of rejection and attachment to reacting NOW to your mom's behavior.

I've studied and worked with others using the model called FOCUSING. It is an amazing process when you give the feelings inside a voice and have a dialogue with them. Most of us 'only' respond from our point-of-view. It is a very different experience (and healing) when we ask the feelings to respond to us. They want to be acknowledged and heard (to release / transform) - and talk to you, they will.

In light and healing, Gena Galenski

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

Wow, are you a therapist?! Very detailed and clear steps and it seems more or less easy to practice. Thank you!

I think the process you described is a bit on the road as I answered to each people writing to me : I see other sides, other ways and a sort of healing took place. With your example and steps it will be easier.

It’s not as abstract as you fear : I meditate and expose myself to my compassionate God every day, and in flash moment anytime a day.

I’ve just realised today that the Alz deprived my poor mom of all her means to cope with frustration which she had never quite manage to do so in the first place. So if I want to be able to visit her again eventually, I very much need to practice what you suggested because mom will never ever be able to cope anymore. So I’ll have to face her many tantrums! I could face her anger, at least, she accepts that I’m there but her rejection is hard because there is no door or window in her bubble! I wish I’ll be able to have again some moments with her whatever who she thinks I am, because I don’t want to keep that image of her stubbornly rejecting even a loving presence! And most of all, I so wish to be able to bring her some comfort as it used to be. That’s the worst part of not being able to reach her at all! No word, no touch, no object (she threw them away).

So I’ll have to practice your method a lot just to survive this phase (hoping that it is just a phase!).

Thank you. Have a nice day!

(1)

Report

Don't visit, but get the staff to call you if she asks for you. It is very sad when we are not recognised but we all know it is the disease and at some point it is coming - it may be a stage she goes through it may be permanent, but do not let it stress you out, she would not want you doing that if she knew what she was doing. Let facility staff look after her, keep in touch with them, and allow yourself to grieve for your loss. Look after you now, she may get through this stage, she may not but you have done and are doing your best, letting it upset your health is not good for you.

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

Thank you very much for your compassion. I’m beginning to understand that what you kindly suggest is the best that I can do for now. And wait for what will happen. It’s been a while since she asked for me or my husband, I think she’s in her childhood, with very brief moments in the present.
The staff is wonderful and caring and very patient with her tantrums. It’s very reassuring.
Have a nice day, God bless,

(1)

Report

So sad you are suffering, I lost mum to Alzheimer’s last November and it’s horrible painful process so I do understand something of what you are going through.

Lots of times she thought I was her mum, I didn’t correct her I played along. What ever is going on in a persons head is their reality.

take a break, do something nice for yourself have a spa day anything to take your mind off it for a while.

your mum won’t even realise you have been gone so don’t feel guilty.

The personality changes are horrid. It’s not your mum that doesn’t want to see you it’s the Alzheimer’s.

keep strong x

Helpful Answer (3)

Report

Thank you for your kind words and my sympathy for your loss. Take care!

As for « it is not your mom, it the Alz » I recognize too much of my mom in some of her unfiltered (that is the Alz!) reactions to feel any relief. Rejecting people because they don’t bring her exactly what she wants is not the dementia, it is her! She doesn’t recognize me, it’s the Alz. The combination of her character and the dementia shut me out of her bubble it is a very sad combination!

Thank you for your understanding and kindness. Take care: mourning is not easy either.God bless you.

(0)

Report

i understand as my father passed away from Alzheimer’s. I can only tell you what worked for me.
My dad lived the last four years of his life with myself and my son.
Sometimes it would really help to simply sit with him and just be quiet. Sometimes I would hold his hand or read a book or watch a little tv. Just be with him. My dad loved to walk with his dog and was very agile until the last year or so. So we walked a coupe of times a day. I think it’s important to realize that they may not be seeing you as a daughter or family member or anyone they know. It seems that it’s not just the memory that’s in play but it affects how a person sees
things. I would make my dad his favorite meals and had a difficult time getting him to eat. For some reason it affected his ability to understand that this was his favorite meal. I didn’t find this out until after he died. So not only is it cruel to see a parent loose their memory but to watch a person literally starve to death is heartbreaking. Especially as our doctor didn’t explain why he wouldn’t eat. We can say that it is memory lost but it is so much more. I will say that the last four years of my dad’s life were wonderful for me because I
got to know who he really was and became closer to him then ever before. yes it was extremely sad in so many ways but it gave me an opportunity to connect with him not only as a daughter but as a friend. Did I get impatient yes I did at times or tired of course but Overall when you love someone you will do as much as you are able to take care of them. In the end I took my dad home to his house for the last six months and he was able to pass away quietly holding my hand as we said the rosary. He was able to see beautiful green grass and blue skies from his bedroom and he went gently into the good night. My dad was 88. If I have any regrets I wish I had educated myself more on his illness but at the time I wasn’ in the best of health myself. In the end I did the best I could and always made sure he knew he was loved. I hope this helps .....😂

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

Thank you for sharing those warm moments. I hope reliving them in sharing them was comforting. They are luminous in a way.
Have a nice day. God bless you!

(0)

Report

My mother passed back in April and she didn't know me 'sometimes' the last year or so. She thought I was the cleaning lady. Bless her heart, she can't help it. Can you imagine the confusion she has? Dementia is a terrible, unforgiving, dignity- robbing disease. Keep visiting. Hold her hand. Tell her you love her even if she doesn't understand. It won't be long and everything will change. You'll long for her warm familiar hand. I can still feel my mom's precious hand in mine and it makes me cry. Hang in there and God bless you and your momma.

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

First of all my sincere condolences. And yes, I’ve done all you said. I was her sister, sometimes even her mother, sometimes she was not sure who I was at all, but we could still have great moments.

But now she only wants someone to take her home and if I am not this person or if I promise to do so later she doesn’t even acknowledge that I am here, refuses to be touched, refuses to look at me. Isolating bubble! It’s like hitting an invisible wall at full speed: hurt like hell! She needs comforting but she refuses it because it is not in the form she wants. The dementia didn’t change this part of her personnality!
I dare to hope that in a while, her dementia will take another turn and I’ll be able to communicate a bit again. But for now I’ll follow the advice to step back a bit.
Take care of yourself!

(1)

Report

I think that you're right about visiting being useless, as much as it may hurt you. What you are experiencing is quite tragic, even if you knew it was coming, even if you know intellectually that what is happening is due to the disease, it is still going to hurt because it is tragic. Stay away if you can, spare yourself this pain for a while. It may also hurt to stay away but at least you won't have the double pain of losing her and having her not know you. Not sure this makes sense but it's what making sense to me right now. Maybe stay away for short periods of time at first. If you visit several times a week, visit just once a week. If you visit just once a week, switch to every other week and so on.

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

Sorry I don't agree, I guess because I just lost my mom. She may not know you, but you still know her and she deserves the respect because she's still your mother laying there. Just saying.

(1)

Report

See 1 more reply

Stop feeling like this. It has nothing to do with you, it’s the disease. Your mother loved you when you needed it, be content with that. There is nothing you can do to so please stop. Remember the good times you had with your mom, don’t dwell in her sickness. You are a wonderful beautiful person whom she loved and still does although she might not know it. Maybe you don’t need to visit her as often. Be kind to yourself.
love and light

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

Thank you. Your kind words will help me to let go of my hurts.
God bless you!

(0)

Report

Michou: I am so very sorry to read that your mother has a large mental handicap, to attempt to put it kindly, especially as evidenced by her "daddy" reference, which could mean her father. Perhaps in the future know that all sense of reason may be lost, sadly. Focus on the love of your mother.

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

Thank you for your kindness! Yes « daddy » refers to my grandfather! For some months I was her younger sister. Horrible Alz!

(1)

Report

See 1 more reply

She doesn't recognize you as family. Stop trying to make her see you as her child. Visit as a friend. Commiserate with her that she is "sick" and needs to stay where she is. Visiting helps you to see she is well-cared for. Knowing her the best, you may also notice health care changes that should be addressed.

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

I think you didn’t read all I wrote in answer to the others who like you were very kind and had to try to help me.
Because of all of you, I realize many things and I evolve at least in my head if not quite in my heart.

I’ve never ever tried to make mom see me as her child if she doesn’t, but you must admit that on the receiving end, it’s hard. But I didn’t stop visiting her: my first concern was her, not me. If she rejects the « relative » that she thinks I am because I’m not the person who will take her home no matter what I tried to communicate, I feel visiting her is pretty useless for both of us!

Thank you for your concern. Have a nice day!

(1)

Report

It's not an uncommon situation. Your Mom is there, but she isn't. It's certainly a mental situation so don't take it personal while you grieve the loss of the relationship. If meds can't improve her mental state, then I would say resolve yourself to the loss of her memory, her comments to, and understand that your visits are to check on her care more than expecting improvement in attitude. I would consider that your visits do not involve explaining who you are if you doesn't remember you but rather checking on her care.

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

Yes Rick, I very recently came to the same conclusion! For some months now the relationship « devolved » and worsen each time till this sad bubble! Now she seems to perceive me as a sort of relative that can’t give her what she wants (going back home) so I’m irrelevant! In that attitude, I, I recognize her (sad smile). That’s probably why I know that for now on visiting her won’t bring her any relief, she won’t perceive any of my love and that is really, really sad (but not really new so I’m crushed by also very old wounds).
On the brighter side I can watch over her in many other ways and even go almost incognito in some weeks if her memory continues to degrade.

Thank you for your insight: it’s comforting. Have a nice day!

(1)

Report

It's only once a week, keep visiting.
Be aware of her feelings, she may not recognize you so don't blame her for not wanting hugs from a stranger in her mind..
Visn't as a visitor, a friend or whatever.
If she likes what happens when you visit, she'll want you to visit.
Mare it about her, not you.
She can't help not recognizing people.

Prayers

Helpful Answer (0)

Report

It’s not so much that she didn’t recognize me that wounded me because it’s been the case for a while, and I adapted (at least I was family), it’s the angry rejection: she refused to even look at me! A really foolproof bubble! No touch, no look, no answer except angry ones.

To succeed to do as you say : « going to see her as a friend » I must let her die in myself as my mother, let go of a 64 years of a very close relationship . Not as easy as you seem to think!

And sincerly by now I fail to see what good it could bring for her that I visit her as a « friend » : I can watch for her wellbeing in other ways and she has plenty of « friends » around her far more able to bring her relief than me, crushed by my mourning, because they are all very caring professional.

But thank you for trying to help me: some days ago I was in the mindset to do as you suggest. Now I still entertain the hope to be able to visit her with peace in my detached heart ...after a very long mourning, but today I’m really not so sure to succeed because it’s still hurt like hell : she’s my mom, not a friend, she will never be just a friend!

(2)

Report

YOU NEED TO TAKE A BREAK!
This is not a sin you know! I am sure you have fond feelings for your mother but if you keep submerging yourself in this - you risk to lose the good memories of better days.
Realize that this is beyond your control. And this is not your fault. If your presence irritates and angers her and hurts you - you both suffer and there is no benefit for either of you at that moment.
So please, take a break, do some fun stuff! Get pampered at a spa! Take a short vacation! Focus on your other family members (if you have them) who might need your love and attention.
Instead of visitations, call the place she is at and inquire of her health and wellbeing. If she is lucid enough to recognize you - tell her how much you love her (if that's the case) and visit her and give her a hug. If she is not - keep your distance for your own mental health's sake.
And please, give yourself permission to feel OK with this! It is normal to feel sad about one's parent's decline. But it is not your fault and you have no control over her health.

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

Thank you so much Alex❤️. I needed to hear that! I’m slowly coming to the same conclusion, but it is good to hear that from someone else.

God bless you!(or whatever bring you peace)!

(1)

Report

Mom's alzheimer's was quite severe and she went through to the end stage quickly but also in much pain the week before she passed, We had her on hospice care and that was a blessing to have the help and advice, support for dad and I. Dad did pray for God to take her as it was too much for him to watch her suffer. It was a week I will never forget as I took a emergency leave from my nursing position to be with them and to cherish memories that I knew were her last. She just knew at times I was there and that was a comfort. I so feel for you not being wanted by your mom at this devastating time and that she is not in her right mind but in a fog and just can't get out. I do know God is greater and can help her break through even for a short while to see you and recognize her daughter. I am praying for this right now as I feel in my heart. Praise God! I will continue to pray for you .

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

Thank you so very much Tinalouise for your prayers! I hope when time to go Home for mom will come that we’ll have this short moment of recognizing!
But for now mom is in very good health and very bad moods!

My sincere sympathy for your loss, even if your mom is in a better place I know it’s a hard time. Even if we pray for their (and our) deliverance from this horrible Alz, when it’s happening , it’s still very hard! I know because once we feared mom was at the end and I was surprised how much I cried and was sad, not ready at all. Perhaps because it was not her time to go, God didn’t give me His peace!

When mom refused to receive my love, I was crushed and I said to God : « if it is what you feel when we refuse to receive Your love, I ask You to forgive us and me particularly from all my heart! ».

So I’m very grateful for your prayers! I’ll keep you in mine too.

(3)

Report

Does your mom's place have a spot where you could just observe her in the common area? Sometimes just being nearby is helpful to your heart without upsetting your mom.

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

Unfortunately, no! But from time to time they send photos and a very brief report. I would suggest your idea, but her residence mimics a family household as much as they can, so I don’t see how it could be accomplish.

Thank you for the suggestion

(0)

Report

See 1 more reply

My mom does not have Alz., but she has 'filter issues' and picks on me to be the scapegoat for everything--b/c I actually visit her regularly, unlike my other 3 sibs--so when I do go visit, it always deteriorates into blaming and shaming.

The trick is to leave before that starts. Good advice to myself, b/c I CAN see the clouds on the horizon and if I can zip out of there, the visits can be not awful.

My mother has spent my whole life playing both sides of the game: if I am of use to her, she is as sweet as can be. If I have 'mucked up' she cannot get over what I've done to her, even though she couches it in ways that are kind of passive aggressive.

It's so sad and I personally fear that I will turn into one of these old people--just checked out and unaware of it.

Death is not the thing we need to fear--it's the loss of self. Yes, some people develop memory issues and not all become mean. However, seems like 'mean' is the norm.

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

I sympathize: mom was a bit like that too : spoiled princess who never takes no for an answer and escapes as much responsabilities as she can. Sadly she never believed that she was loved as hard as dad and I tried to showing her, so now with the Alz that’s this sad side that comes forth!

Sometimes I caught myself checking to guess what side I could develop if Alz struck me: the gentle or the nasty one. What an idle thought to entertain so useless and inspired by fear and too much sad experiences with a mom with a broken brain! It is so hard to see other Alz people sweet and smiling compare to my angry mom!

I sympathize with you also because it’s always the faithful one whose been lashed on. The one it is secure to be hard with because they’ll come back anyway. Well sometimes they don’t come back for a while because as Lealonnie said : we’re human, not saints or superhero!

Take care the best you could: here is a good place for understanding and comfort... and it is so much needed! Because nobody takes care of what we call in french « les proches aidants ». We are there for our loved ones, but who are there for us in the health care system?
At least we have each other here!
God bless!

(2)

Report

My mother will be 95 in Jan, suffers from advanced dementia and suddenly, I'm the devil. She spews nastier than usual words at me and has decided everything I say is targeted against her. So while it hurts my feelings, and it DOES hurt my feelings to be treated like garbage, I've decided to take care of MYSELF in this whole mess. My chronic stomach aches and crying jags aren't helping me, and they aren't helping her, so what's the point? I haven't visited her in 10 days, and have no plans to do so any day soon. I'm not calling her either. Last night she called me, heard my voice on the phone, and slammed her phone down hard at that point. When I called her back, she said some horrible things so I told her I'd speak to her when she's in a better mood. If not, no more phone calls for now.

Dementia hurts everybody, not just our mother's. WE suffer too, and yes, their ugly behavior hurts because they're our mother's and we're human! It's a lot easier to say "just shrug it off" when a person is not the recipient of angry, harsh and terrible words from their own mother whom they've been struggling to care for for a very, very long time. No good comes from dementia, no good at all.

I feel your pain,my friend, because I'm feeling it along with you. Every night I pray for God to take my mother Home so she can end her hell on earth now, and mine as well. Take things one day at a time and stay away from the woman as long as that's what she wants. That's my plan as well. Best of luck.

Helpful Answer (10)

Report

Dear Lealonnie1, I feel along with you too. Mom has always had those bouts of paranoia and rejection ( I know too well the slamming angry phone call) but even if it was hard and devastating I’ve always managed to find a manner to relive the link, the memories, the relationship. Not anymore and how I understand you when people said to « shrug it off » to feel they really don’t understand, don’t have to live repeatedly with the harsh pain. I used to say that my intellect understands what’s going on as well as them and even that partial knowledge it’s not easy, but nothing makes my heart to suffer less. Except perhaps the compassion and understanding from other people suffering similar heartache like on this site( thanks God for it!)!

Yes, I too, dare from time to time to ask her Father to bring her Home at last, and I do it with less and less feeling of guilt because that’s what she asks herself now when she cries to God!

I think that I’m learning to let it go, not even asking anymore for our mutual liberation...

Thank you for your understanding: it relieves me from the guilt to not going to see her as often as I used to. It’s so difficult to think of ourselves first, even when we’re suffering the aftermath of breast cancer as I do! I’m sure more vulnerable and less emotionally resistant!

God bless you! Big hug!

(4)

Report

Hello my sweet mother had alzheimer's disease and it was devastating for our family and especially dad as they were high school sweethearts and best friends for over 55 years. It will be soon ten years in February of 2022. He misses her every single day and we talk about her all the time. We were blessed to have her in our lives . I am sorry for what you are going through and for your mom not to know you, mine did not either but she seemed to recognize I was someone she knew and that I loved her. She became like a little girl and I just wanted to take care of her and protect her as she did me when I was a child. I hope you can find some special memories of you and she that you can hang onto and find comfort in during those most awful and hurting times. I will pray for both of you and for God to bless you both and your family.

Helpful Answer (6)

Report

Thank you, I’ve done what you suggested some months ago but mom is over any kind of memories by now: only one thing counts : her dad bringing her home. Anyone else is irrelevant. I still have so much love for her but that awful Alz is a barrier and my poor mom can’t receive my love anymore: she’s stucked in her own desolate bubble.

I dearly hope that your mom won’t go to that point, not every Alz sufferers live that terrible isolating bubble.

God bless you!

(1)

Report

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. I'm sure it is painful for you, but you must remember that your moms brain is now broken(like ZippyZee said below) and will never get better, only worse. You must learn not to take it so personal.
Perhaps for the time being just cut your visits back to once a week, so you don't have to put yourself through the pain, and see how that goes. Either that or if you feel you must go more often, just keep your visits to an hour tops(or less even.)
You must take care of yourself as well, and if theses visits are getting to be too hard for you then it's time to do things differently.
I wish you the very best.

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

Thank you for your kind answer. I think I’ ll pass this week. Perhaps when she’ll be in a better mood, I’ll be able at least to touch her, in silence as it once be. I think that next time, I’ll phone the residence and ask in what mood she is: better safe than sorry.
God bless you

(3)

Report

Can't reason with a broken brain.

It's like asking a person with two broken legs to walk.

Helpful Answer (3)

Report

Yes, I know. My head understands that very well. My heart finds that very difficult and when I’m very tired, well, my heart doesn’t understand at all!

(3)

Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Mom not only doesn’t recognize me, she doesn’t want to see me at all. Advice?

22 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions