She is is a nice memory care facility but cries every time we take her back. Calls late at night or early morning confused about where she is and why her clothes are in the closet of “this store”. This tends to happen more when we have taken her somewhere for part of the day (church, family dinners, parties etc.). Should we not take her out and just visit her instead?
If she seems to be enjoying the time out OK, but if she just sits there looking lost, I wouldn't take her anymore. They do better in one place with a routine.
At the end of the summer, she needed to be taken to a very near by orthopedic office for a check up on a previously broken bone, and much to my surprise she was VERY relieved to get back to her room at the AL.
She too would cry, become very angry, and I think, become more disoriented earlier in her stay, even when we went to the first floor from her third floor.ocked memory unit, and to this day will occasionally insist that we take her “home”.
She was seen early in her placement by an excellent geriatric psychiatric professional, who placed her on a very low dose of a second antidepressant with anti anxiety effects, in addition to an SSRI she’d taken since the death of her sibling in 2014.
I have not taken her off site since. I’d love her to be able for her to get out, and may try to visit the beautiful garden at the AL this coming spring.
I’m wary of triggering her discomfort by taking her out in a car though. We don’t think at this point that she has very clear memories of “home”, but she definitely DOES have associations with some other place that was important to her. Since she could not return there, we feel it’s kinder to avoid triggers for those memories whenever we can.
If you want to take her out, keep an eye on her. Someone needs to monitor her mood and reactions and be prepared to return her home if necessary.
I know it's different since your mom doesn't sound as advanced as mine but when they are agitated after going out, you have to ask yourself is it worth it TO HER. Would HER enjoyment of an excursion outside outweigh the pending confusion and agitation that she will suffer once back "home"?
I came to the conclusion that the 2 hours out wasn't worth her agitation later. She seemed to SUFFER after the outing. And to me, it's all about alleviating all suffering.
If it doesn't help you may have to do all family gatherings at her facility or just be prepared for the confusion for a couple days.
I personally believe that the longer we can engage them in life the better off they are.
You know what level of interaction happens at these events and if she is being mentally stimulated then I would keep doing it. It's bound to tire her out but that is okay. It's like exercising occasionally, we make ourselves sore and tired for a couple days, but we enjoyed it while it was going on.
Wishing you guidance for this, this holiday season.
Disruptions in a person's surroundings are usually not recommended for people with dementia. They have enough trouble orienting themselves in time and place, and changes of scene tend to make it worse.
It would be a pity to deprive her of the interaction, though. Can you get some of the people from those various social circles to visit her, instead? The facility should provide religious services, for example - perhaps someone could volunteer to go to her "church."
Moms AL had holiday dinners with family included. They had little concerts that I could go to.
Somewhere in the middle stages seems to be best. I would let her really settle in there first. Just like AnnReid said, once she can identify with the new home being home and where she feels safest that’s the time she can enjoy short outings.
Quiet calm places too with limited people and interactions may help. Seeing too many people or the hustle of a restaurant is usually too much with any stage of dementia.
Especially since she’s still aware enough to cry and say she’d rather die. It’s effecting her well-being and adjustment.
Good for you that you see it and are willing to do what’s best for her. I know it’s counterintuitive to not bring her out.
In my experience it truly is best that you don’t. Not right now.
Signs to look for before you try again might be that she calls the place home, stops asking to leave or has recall of her staffs names or faces.
Reach out to other family members and assist them with visiting her if needed.
She may or may not ever have a stage where it’s ok to take her out again.
You could also try it every 3-6 months for a year or two to see how she does. She needs consistency and keeping things as status quo as possible most of the time really will help her.
Best wishes!
Going forward we would gather the siblings and the grandsons and all make the trip to visit him there. The facility would give us a meeting room so we could celebrate with him. We knew he was safe there and he enjoyed having us without the stress of taking him somewhere unfamiliar.
Family members can come visit her. And a few at a time not the whole clan all at once. This will do two things
1. Spread visits out over a longer period of time so he has company more often.
2. Less likely to confuse her with a lesser number of people visiting at one time.
If the family wants to get together after a visit arrange to meet for lunch or coffee. The family that just left can relay any wants that Mom may have and someone can bring whatever she needs next visit.
this also is easier on staff and other residents less noise and confusion.
I think the main reason home visits have gone so well for us is because we started the visits early on and made them a part of his routine.