I feel these individuals are taking advantage of her but she is completely blind to it. They only pay half of utilities and no rent. They have it so easy and it really bothers me. Living on 2 floors of her home. However, I feel this situation is beyond my control as her son, because my mom is adamant that it's her decision and she is okay with it. I have expressed my concerns to my mom who assured me before they moved in that they would be paying $1200 rent, plus half utilities, which was a lie. I feel betrayed by her and also feel my hands are tied in even approaching these family members about my feelings after the fact. If I had known she wasn't going to charge rent I would've put up such a fight with her. I guess that's why she didn't tell me. I do not want my mom to feel I'm pushing her around or trying to control her life, but at the same time, I see her struggling financially when she should be asking for rent money that could help her tremendously. On top of this these family members have son nearby who lives in a huge house that can accommodate them. I feel that my mom has enabled this situation to develop and God forbid something happens to her, I have to adopt the headache of removing them from my family home. I'm at a lost on what to do, but sometimes as I rack my head to figure out what to do, I simply think maybe nothing....but I can't tell you the inner anger I feel when I see these people living in my childhood home like pigs in you know what....they moved in soon after my dad passed away, selling their home in AZ moving all the way across the country to NY and I wonder to myself what type of individuals do this, at their age (60s). I've expressed all these emotions to my mom and have had heated conversations to no avail. I have just dropped it because it seems hopeless.
What I am doing is watching patiently. As soon as they are not competent, I will step in and make some adjustments. Are you your mom's Durable POA? If so, maybe, you can correct things, if and when the time comes. I would keep your eyes open, just to make sure they don't try to pull some kind of fast one regarding her finances.
I honestly understand your concerns, but please do look at the facts that they Are looking out for her, she's Safe with them, they Do help to Care for her, and if they weren't, who would be? You? Because, if their being their with her, allows you to continue on with your own life, with your wife and family, continue working, continue taking vacations, and your life is without a lot of interuptions, and that you Do have peace of mind that someone is there with her, Man you are miles ahead of many others who have to give up those luxuries, and devote many many hours per week to their lone surviving and elderly parent! Not to say that your aren't doing tons for her, I'm just asking questions, but if having them there helps you to carry on in what are probably your highest earning years, and that you can visit her as you will, and that it's actually enjoyable Visiting, and not going to her houses several times a week or every day, and each and every day is a chore of some sort, I say GOOD ON YOU MATE! You are one of the lucky ones! If you have not yet read up on long term caregiving, and how burnout happens, and how kids become resentful for having to give every available minute to their parents care, then I would take that trade off in a heartbeat! Not to say you may have to do that in the future, because you might, but for now, having them there, looking out for her, Hurrahh!!!