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83yo… moderate vascular dementia due to multiple strokes… lives with me currently but will be moving to assisted living at end of summer… lots of behavioral issues that I deal with via "tough love"… most bad behavior just an extension of life-long mental illness and total self-centeredness…nothing new there…

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Gaze avoidance is a common reaction to someone who does not want to see the eyes of the person with whom they are speaking. There are studies on this subject with men avoiding gazes the most. That's why women get so frustrated with their husbands/boyfriends who do not look them in the eyes when they are talking. Do not "blame" a person with a mental illness as they are blameless. Seek more understanding and continue to be loving without the "tough".
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I believe that they do not make eye contact when people are speaking to them is because they do not understand they are being spoken to, nor do they understand the conversation. Part of dementia.
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My mom has macular degeneration, and before her dementia got really bad, she said people looked very scary like they were wearing a Halloween mask. Their faces were all distorted. This caused her to not make eye contact.
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I realized that my mom could not see you unless you were standing directly in front of her. Think I read somewhere that your vision is affected with dementia.
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I've noticed this a little bit too with different elders. My guess is that they are concentrating hard on what it is that they want to say, or ask you before you leave. Afraid they'll forget, so only 1/2 listening while you address the last issue, waiting to bring a new issue to your attention. I go silent when that happens, after a few seconds a question about the mail, an insurance bill, a Dr., pops up. :-)
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My Mom claims she needs new glasses. Took her for an exam. She had cateract surgery a few years back. The doctor told her she would have no eye change because of the surgery. He told me it was the dementia. One day I found her sitting on her bed watching TV. This is off to the side of her TV. When asked why she was on the bed she said she couldn't see the people on the TV from her chair that is in front of it. She saw it better on the angle. I had no problem.
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I have just recently realized my father does the same thing and has for a while. I have to touch his shoulder to get his attention, keep calling him by name, asking him to please look at me. It is hard to stand directly in front of him since he is bed-ridden and I would have to stand at the foot of the bed to face him, which would then mean yelling (he is hard of hearing). I wonder how many other family members are having the same issue? Would love to se more replies to this thread.
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Patrice2oz: Answer=she may have macular degeneration and thus, not be able to see you or where you are. In cases of MD, a person's central vision is blacked out. They cannot see a person's face, even close up. How do I know this? My mmother suffered from MD.
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JoAnn29 - I would suspect she has macular degeneration... :( As Llamalover47 said, their central vision is messed up, so maybe she can see better from the side.
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Sounds like she may need a full medical workup, medications may help with the behaviors but if she has some vision or hearing issues she may not look at who is speaking. Also dementia can cause changes in a person including looking at people when they speak, disruptive behaviors and their ability to communicate effectively.
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