She went to the ER, now at rehab and still refuses to. She has been in and out of rehab 4 times within the last 4 months and in and out of the emergency room more than a dozen times in the last 6 months. I don't know if i should have her cared for in a skilled nursing facility. She refuses to do anything.
Sometimes the mobility injuries like fractures take a higher emotional toll on recovery and emphasize a stage of delicate balance in life toward the end. That can frighten them and be a potent reminder of their frailty as well as their impending decline.
From all the rehab and ER visits, I think this might be the case. She may be overwhelmed with the issues causing the ER visits and rehab and just feel as though life has become hopeless and it isnt worth trying any more.
Do you have a good enough relationship with her that you can have a heart to heart talk about your concerns, her desires, and plans for the future? She may be reluctant to tell you she's concerned about being immobile and limited for the rest of her life, so approach this cautiously and stop if it's too upsetting for her.
Also, have you discussed this with the nurses, therapists and social workers at the rehab facility to see what insight they may have.
Good luck; this is a frustrating situation for both of you.
From the original post, I have no idea what is going on in this lady's life which is why I asked for clarification. Is she depressed, and able to recover with good support? Or would intervention amount to flogging a dying horse?
Today and every day to come, many thousands of people will die of entirely natural causes. To insist that every one of them must be kept alive at all costs, regardless of their own wishes and of their own understanding of themselves, is idiotic at best and at worst has the potential to be extraordinarily cruel.
On what information from the OP did you base that conclusion? Do tell.
I have taken care of many elderly people that continued to exercise their personal choices over a wide variety of activities, and always encouraged them to please themselves if what they choose to do, or not do, pleases them.
Often there is far more to a person's choice not to eat than plain bloody-mindedness. Becoming old is not a signal for anyone to replace us as the masters and mistresses of our own fates or day-to-day decisions.
Some times our choices do not work for the best outcomes for us, but that is not limited to us geriatrics. Age is only a number, and not a magic one at that.
Anyone that has been to ER and NHs that many times in such a short time is entitled to feel upset with what is happening, and to express their dissatisfaction in a any way they choose as long as it does not endanger the life or health of others.
As a caregiver to my disabled and elderly wife, I would never presume to attempt to take control of her life. She has earned the right to be well treated, loved, and cared for without having the insult of having to yield the reigns of her life to another.
Her life is the better for it. So will all our lives be better when we can express ourselves freely.
She likes the NH better, because they wait on her. But, unless it is the hospital wing, no one is allowed to just lay in bed. Everyone is clean and dressed and in the dining room for meals.
I was shocked that my mother would comply. But, she does. She is 95, with CHF and mobility issues. No doubt she would lay in bed, if everyone else did. But, no one does.
Perhaps it's time to get some counseling for her depending on the answers to the questions above.