I have lived with her for 15 years and I am getting tired. My mom is getting more frail and is falling some. I am with her almost 24/7 with no help from my brother who lives 15 minutes away. We have a petsitter who comes occasionally so I can get out for an hour or so to play tennis. My mom will not allow anyone else to "babysit" her. I used to be very active but now I spend my days inside watching her fall asleep in front of the TV. I hate this life right now. I gave up my job 8 years ago to be with her so I haven't gotten a paycheck since then, although I do live "rent free" and she pays the bills. She says I can go do whatever I want and she will be fine at home, but that is not the case. As other posters have said about useless siblings....I hate my brother because he refuses to help out in any way. And I REALLY hate it when he says to me, "It must be nice to be retired at such a young age" (58) My mom is so stubborn but I need a break.
Until she didn't take her coumadin for 3 days and we wound up in the ER for 4 hours with a bad foot (probably threw a small clot) and had a follow-up visit with a vascular surgeon. At that point, I said, we ARE getting people in to give you your meds, because it's affecting ME and I won't put up with it. She backed down and I have girls coming in 2X a day. It's worked out VERY well, but it took me standing up to my very stubborn mom (my dad was military too, so I can be a drill sergeant when I need to be). Your mom needs you, not the other way around. Exert your power over this situation - you need to take care of yourself first, or you'll wind up like Chicago1954's sister. You don't want that.
Hopefully, your mom is paying your retirement and health insurance, or you are on your husband's. Because, you will need your own social security within 5 years.
After my sister's death, mother tried to pull all of this on my other sister, who is 76. LOL. Mother would not let her have visitors or even leave the house. Nothing I would say, could convince her to get up and leave. She stayed 6 weeks, until her husband stepped in and drug her out of there.
I am dealing with something similar with my parents [both in their mid-90's] but they still live on their own in their own house, and I live in my own house. My parents refuse to hire people to help them out, they don't want strangers in the house, yada, yada, yada.
Finally I had an ah ha moment, I started to back off on doing things for my parents, told them I was dealing with my own age related decline [I am pushing 70] so now I am beginning to hear Dad say he will need to hire someone to do this and that.... so far he hasn't, maybe he was trying to guilt me into helping.... but I am digging in my heels.
Could it be that your brother really wanted your Mom to move into a retirement community years ago because he was able to see into the future and see how exhausting caring for an elder 24/7? Maybe it's tough love on his part.