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My mother lives with my husband and I in our home. My husband and I are both unemployed. We are living off of our retirement funds. We rent out a room to a roommate who is paying 600.00 a month with rent increases every year. He provides his own food. Mom is paying 500.00 a month and she refuses to pay any more. We supply her food, cook her meals, we take her to and from her doctor appointments, I do all her laundry and put it away for her, She does not qualify for medicaid because she keeps giving money away to her grand daughter who doesn't even thank her for it and in my opinion is taking advantage of her grand mother. After utilities are taken out of the 500.00 mom pays, and the groceries and the gas for transportation her rent is around 2 to 3 hundred a month. My husband plans on going back to work but I need to stay home with my mom. How can I convince my mother that she needs to be helping out more. She clears over 1100.00 a month .

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Suggest to her to move to senior housing. The subsidized rent with utilities is 30% of her income (1100x30%= $330) and she would get food stamps.
She might be happier. Talk it over.
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Older people are used to things costing less. My mother bought a 4 bedroom ranch brick home for $13,000. $500 probably seems like a lot to your mother. I remember being upset when coffee went from 10 cents to 15 cents. If she puts the balance of her money into her savings (makes her feel safer) then you will acquire it one day. You could think of it as a forced savings plan. If the granddaughter is getting some of the money, then you could tell her to do things for your mother (laundry, etc) or even move in to care for her, so you can work outside the home.
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May I ask how old you and your husband are???

If you are of retirement age and living off of retirement funds, that is one thing. But if you are too young to be retired, then maybe you should both be working.

As far as mom's rent goes, be glad she is paying anything at all. A lot of people don't even get that much help.
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I remember after I got out of college and was working full time, living at home [that was the norm in my era, live at home until you get married], my parents charged me rent. I also had a list of chores to do.
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I went thru the same thing with my father who lived with me. When he first moved in with me, I was making a much larger salary but when the economy went down, I lost my job and had to take a smaller salary doing pretty much the same thing. I asked my dad to help out and he refused. He said he paid for groceries many times during the month and that should be enough. He also paid for the two of us to go out and eat a couple of times a week and he paid for the food the animals needed. On occasion, he would just hand me $100 and said to put it on the food bill or other bills. I let it go and tried to do the best I could. He was already in his mid 70's and I thought he should enjoy what few years he had left. He had COPD and I knew he would be lucky to reach his 80's. After he passed at age 80, I found his social security stub from his check and it was only $770 so he couldn't afford much more anyway. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself that your parent supported you while you were growing up, gave you money when you needed it, most parents paid for their kids schooling and first car, maybe even their first house but whatever they paid, they did it without handing you a bill showing what you owed back to them. Your mother won't be here much longer so suck it up and go back to work. There are jobs out there that may not be your forte, but it will pay the bills until you find "the right job for you". Sorry if this sounds abrupt, but millions of kids are or were in the same shape you are in and can't do anything about it either. The time to settle this was BEFORE she moved in. The two of you should have discussed it with your mother and let her know you will need XXX dollars or you will need to rent out the bedroom to someone else. You also need to have a talk with the grandchild who is taking money from her and tell her that get ready, because grandma is coming to live with her since she's getting all the extra money!
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Assisted living definitely IF she is still cognizant--most of her check if not all of it will go to housing -- that way both of you can go back to work. You both may have to help with her expenses but that's still a lot cheaper than keeping her and you not working.
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I agree with the poster who said that the older generation really doesn't see the higher cost of living. My mother lives with my brother. (Last 17 years) She pays no rent, pays just 1/3 of the utilities and complains non-stop at how much that it. Well, she has her heat or A/C on continuously, runs 3 TV's all day everyday and uses my brother as her personal chauffeur. She gets mad the pharmacist over the cost of her meds--which are many and expensive. She has no clue whatsoever as to what a home costs these days, nor keeping a car running.
Yep, give her the option to move, it will be a huge shock to see what really living on her own costs.
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Opps,,, tablet of games....
Maybe show her the bills as they come in, so she can get a reality check?
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First thing I would do is stop the granddaughter from borrowing from her grandmother. Talk to her and explain the situation. Then I would make sure mother is capable of living along without assistance. If you are doing all the chores for her chances are very good that she is not a good candidate for independent living. Why not try taking her to few senior living facilities and let her see what they are like and what the costs for her would be. This should help her to understand just what the costs are every month for her living arrangements. Then move forward from there. It is never an easy choice with our aging parent(s), but must think of ourselves too. Do it all with a loving touch. God bless all your efforts.
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Medicaid wouldn't do anything toward paying rent, so that is irrelevant. Furthermore, if she has money and is receiving social security, she would lose the vast majority of that in a long term facility anyway. She can give her money to anyone she wants.

I actually think that paying $500 for one room is pretty acceptable. How much does she eat? How much laundry can she possibly have? Do you do her laundry together with your own laundry, or does she have too much that has to be done separately? If you do hers with yours, then you're not using more water or more electricity for the dryer. What utilities does she utilize that cost you more per month than if she didn't live there? I find it difficult to believe that your mother costs $200 to $300 per month between food, gas for transportation, laundry, utilities, etc. She'd have to be eating a heck of a lot of food, using a heck of a lot of electricity and be going to a lot of places for that much money.

When you were growing up, for how many years did your mother buy your food, make your meals, do your laundry, drive you around, pay for the electric you used, etc? Did you pay her for it? Did she charge you rent for the bedroom you slept in?

Is the grand daughter your kid or your sister/brother's kid? How old is she? Perhaps you could suggest that in exchange for the money she gets from grandma, she chip in to take care of her---drive her to appointments, cook her meals sometimes, etc.

I don't think it is your mother's fault that you are unemployed. And why do you have to stay home with your mother all day, every day? Is she bed bound? Is she unable to take care of herself? Making meals, grocery shopping, doing laundry are things that do not occupy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

It is not your mother's responsibility to pay for your living expenses. You are luckier than most in that you have some retirement income to live off of. Most people don't.

I would not charge my mother rent to live with me. And she does live with me. She does not increase my living expenses at all---if she weren't here, my expenses would be the exact same. However, she gives me money without me asking for it anyway----she says that if she were living alone, she'd have to pay for stuff anyway, and therefore she gives me the money she'd be paying herself. We both buy food----I buy the majority of the food----, do our laundry together, etc. The only thing she wants is a cable box to watch TV---I would get rid of it if it were just me because I don't watch TV. But, that's the least I can do for her---my parents put me through college & I never took outing loans, my parents bought me a car when I was 16 years old, my parents took me on vacation twice a year (didn't leave me home like a lot of my friends' parents), lent me money on countless occasions, etc. And I am going to be petty and charge her for a bedroom? Nah.
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