Mom constantly brings up hurtful times from 40+ years ago. I sometimes forget to just "shut up" and we go back and forth about it. She also tells me about things that someone "said" to her,which are not true. (She's the one thinking/saying it) She's done the later most of my life,causing resentment toward family and friends until I confronted them and found out the truth! I need help to redirect her when this happens...it doesn't work for me. Advice not criticism please.:-)
Hang in there! This generation has so much to be thankful for...living through the depressions, WWII, etc, etc.....but it seems a very common denominator to be bitter about absolutely everything! It it the mercury in their dental work?????
Your mother may have been really hurt by some of the negative experiences that occurred, and they may have been so indelibly etched into her brain that they surface whether she wants to think about them or not.
And of course there's always the aging issue. I don't think anyone wants to experience the negative sides of aging, and it can make some people more angry than others.
Sometimes redirection works, sometimes just agreeing works, followed by a change of subject. I think it would depend on the specific nature of the negative comments (and I'm not prying to ask what they are).
Just throwing out some suggestions here...
For someone who's excessively thin and thinks most other people are fat - comments such as "I'll bet they wish they were as thin as you are", or "what secrets can you share on how you've kept your weight down?" something like that. Perhaps even asking questions can refocus from the critical mode to the thinking mode.
Others, such as "how can I help you when you think of such unfair situations" might shift the burden to them in terms of responding positively instead of complaining.
Sometimes I try to put myself in the position of the one complaining and think what someone could say that would shut me up.