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She lives in ALZ unit. She has no home since Dad died in Nov, 2013.

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Very commonly they want to retreat to a childhood home. Look around here and you will find caregivers who took them back home only to find out they did not recognize their house at all and insisted on going home. The oldest memories hang on the longest, deeply embedded in a happier, simpler time. They forget about the Depression, WWII, TB, Polio, the A-bomb, etc. and cling to the vision of a happier childhood.
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Wow. I actually think that is brilliant. Good for them.
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I have a patient with dementia who has forgotten everything in her adult life. Yes, she knows she used to be a teacher and she can carry on a conversation on the surface but when asked if she used to plant flowers in HER yard she talks about her childhood home and talks about her mother planting flowers. When asked if she's owned any pets recently she talks about the dogs she had as a child (she had a cat until recently). When asked to describe what she liked to do when she came home from work as a teacher she is unable to answer and goes back to talking about her childhood home. It's like her entire adult life never happened.

I think wanting to go "home" is more of a feeling than it is wanting to see an actual house.
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She often acts like she is waiting, waiting to be picked up, waiting to go home, like at a doctors office. In this stage of waiting she does not know if it is a few minutes or a few hours. Before too long, we get to making dinner, like cutting vegetables, etc.

Our 87 year old was recently hospitalized, for sinus infection/asthma and when we brought her home she thought we had kidnapped her and were holding her against her will (by product of the steroidal inhaled medication) she said she wanted to go back to Maplewood where she hasn't lived for almost three years.

The death of her spouse is a hard reality, she does not want to remember, our 87 year old feels sad/happy at pictures of her husband, recalls happy times and extreme sadness over his final months (RA and cancer) where she and her son cared for him.

She used to dance with him everyday(to records on the record player) before she would go to work, what a wonderful memory...

But in other things she hops to the table for breakfast, like a child, but still drinks coffee like an adult, has forgotten ages and birthdays of children, but not them yet...in a way I hope it never happens but the disease directs itself and all we can do is see what today brings.
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Life is a cycle. The ending stage is a return to childhood. It's the metaphor we see in the Brad Pitt movie, Benjamin Buttons. The end is return home to the source, whatever you believe that is. While some of it is sad to us in the middle of life, I took some joy in seeing my aunt at the end sneaking potato chips and chocolate she wasn't supposed to have. I enjoy seeing the look on my mom's face when I get her talking about her childhood adventures. I suspect she's "forgotten" about some of the hard things she went through in her life. Good for her, this is her time to be peaceful and enjoy what she can of life.
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We moved with my mum eight years ago so we could live in the same house and I could take care of her although at that time her health problems were mobility-related rather than concerned with dementia. However, within a couple of years of being in this house she was beginning to show early onset of dementia and within another couple of years, this had taken hold and she began to sit on the sofa getting her handbag 'ready to go home' - she continues to do this, pushing lots of irrelevant objects into the bag, including 'food for the journey', and constantly saying she's ready to go home and wants to do so. I have realised that with increasing dementia her short term memory is shot and the only memories that she has of feeling safe are those in the long term memory that relate to her last house where she spent 25 years of her later married life. I initially tried to deal with this by showing her photographs of her old house, of her and other family members in the garden, or inside the house. That worked for a while but now it only irritates her even more as she really wants to get back to that situation - I find the memories are of the last time when she was OK before the onset of dementia, rather than of when she was a little girl, although one thing that has become noticeable is that when she is sundowning, she really does revert to a childhood state, and calls me 'mother' or by the name of one of her older or younger sisters (both dead now so I can't even bring them to her). So, now when she says she wants to 'go home' I just try to calm her, saying 'don't worry we're here, everything's OK' - heaven knows what she makes of this, I have no answers.
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It's part of the end of life process. My mom started calling for her parents and siblings two years ago. She also frequently talked to her mom or imagined she changed her or had made a funeral dress for her. I think she was looking for more comfortable times while preparing herself for completing her journey.
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Yes to all of the above comments. A return to the past is common. My mother barely remembers the life of me and my siblings. She is much at home in her teens just before she was married to my dad and the condition of that life is very glamorized. She thinks the city she grew up in is as she left it. Even as I have shown her pictures of the city as it is now, she still thinks the old place is there somewhere to go back to.
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What is stored in her long-term memory will emerge more and more. No one knows what "home" from which she refers, however I am sure it was a place she felt safe and secure. Explore with her to describe the "home" she talks about and maybe she can shed some light on her family of origin. I did and learned my grandmother beat my mother and she told me she did not like her (grandmother). That information was invaluable talking to the last remaining son (my uncle) who now has dementia. I moved close to him in 2010 to learn more and yes, did find out granddaddy was also abusive. Explore her memories she has now. Best wishes!
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Wonderful comments! "Home" often means safety and comfort - the ultimate love. As Pam said - a simpler time when someone older and bigger than us carried life's burdens (ideally). As Alzheimer's destroys areas of memory in the brain the person goes farther and farther back in time. This explains many people "flirting" with 20 somethings, and further on, what is happening here, wanting to go home to a place that no longer exists anywhere but in the person's mind.

Thanks to you all for your wisdom and support for the community.
Carol
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My mom is always in a "waiting" mode also - for me to come pick her up. When I say I'm right here and where do you want to go, she can never say. Never could get a straight answer out of her years ago and still can't, ha-ha. I wish she were more like her mother was; that lady always knew what she wanted. So much easier to get straight answers from people, in my view, even if I don't like what they do want. .
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Experiencing the same thing with my Mom. She is in her late teens. But there are times when she is a young mother. She sometimes thinks I am her aunt. Last week she introduced me as her sister. She never had a sister. She is now in an Alzheimer/Dementia unit. She speaks of taking the train to go to her
childhood home. She has very little memory of the home that she spent 53 years in, raising her children. When we visit, it is hard to leave because she thinks we are taking her with us. We have had to get creative in our reasons for not taking her. I hate this rotten disease.
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My mom says the same thing to me everyday..."I haven't made it up to see my mama and daddy yet" I always just reply that she will get to see them soon. My grandfather passed away in 95 I believe and my grandmother around 2003. She always seems ok with my answer : )
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Home means something different to each one of us...she may be looking for her childhood home. As our memories are erased through dementia, the oldest memories remain for a long time. She is thinking about the home of her youth...in a sense, she is reverting to being a little girl.
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When my grandmother had Demetria ,she told grandpa she wanted to go home so he took her for a ride in the car all around and brought her back home and she was content. You may want to try that. Prayers for you . My mom is in that situation now.
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These answers all describe what my mom is going through. She is 94. She does say she is going to go outside and wait for the bus to go to Sharon, PA. There is no bus. Our mailman turned around in our driveway one day and she jumped in the truck and told him Sharon, PA. His mom has what she has and he was so nice and talked to her for a while till I could get her out. Mom did have a great family, I understand her love for them and she was the baby. Someday we will all be together. I had to put locks at the top of the door and it is very upsetting to her.
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Yes, it is very common. My 63-yr-old cousin with Alzheimer's has reverted to acting out when she is upset, i.e. defecating where she knows she shouldn't, carrying around her teddy bear, asking when her mom and dad are coming to pick her up. My 88-yr-old mother does not have dementia, but she has begun to project all the traits of my late father onto my brother who is her primary caregiver since my dad died 8 yrs ago. In fact, she has referred to him as Dad a number of times while talking to me. If I say something about it, she'll say, oh, I mean Mike. It's just easier for her to revert back to a time when she was more comfortable in her routine, knew what to expect and felt in control of her life. After all, they were married 58 years and it's largely what she recalls. Although she remembers some things about her childhood, she doesn't stay there very long in her mind, because it wasn't an altogether happy time for her.

I can understand the desire to go back to a simpler time when things were better, especially when you're at the end of your productive years and you have pain almost daily. You don't feel useful or needed anymore - despite what loved ones might tell you - and you are living in a foreign world where technology has long passed you by and you can't relate to much of what people talk about anymore, especially younger people. I'm not ready to be nonproductive yet, but having experienced age discrimination in the workplace for a number of years now, I can actually empathize with the desire to just say, forget it, the world can go on without me, and I'm going to create my own happy world. It's a sad state of mind, but until our society starts doing a better job of outwardly valuing older people, we're going to see more and more of this, whether Alzheimer's is part of the picture or not.
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Before she died at 92 last year, my mother's Alzheimer's (progressing for about 8 years) affected her short and long term memory as well as her ability to take care of herself. I lived with her for two years (of her last 4 years) and was instrumental in getting her through some life-threatening health situations. She lived a relatively good life in a caring nursing home the last two years. I visited her every day, and she remembered me until the end. In the last two years, I did notice a return to childhood, as she became more comfortable with people helping her. She would sometimes lament that she wanted to go home, but didn't know where that home was. Sometimes it helped to play along and ask her to describe her home. Her descriptions were nothing like the homes I remembered, so I could only imagine they were memories of a childhood home. Mom also enjoyed looking at old pictures as I described the people and events. She did not remember them, but it still provided her pleasure. I held her hand for three days while she was mostly unresponsive, but I could tell that she was aware of my presence and was responding to my voice at times. All in all, I was thankful for a comfortable end.
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My 88-y/o mom has early-to moderate stage dementia, which accelerated overnight since dad died 18 months ago. After dad died, we had to sell her house of 47 years and place her in Assisted Living. Mom constantly either forgets that she no longer has that home (& says, "drive me back to (the old home)") or else she will often say that she misses her home (meaning our family home, not her childhood home). In your mom's case, I'm not sure in what context she means this comment, but in my mom's case, she misses her old life of just 2 years ago, before dad died and everything changed on her. I feel so sad when she says this, so I try to visit as often as I can and make new rituals & routines w/ her so that she will adjust to her new life as quickly as possible.
Hope this was helpful.
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thank you for these comments. it helps to know that this is 'normal' behavior, but sad and at times, disturbing to witness up close and personal. the greatest tragedy is that it is a relief when they finally go home...and to feel this relief causes a tremendous amount of guilt.
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In the mid to late stages of the Alzheimer’s the desire to "go home" is often more about a feeling of safety and security than a place but whatever is at the base of it, this constant plea to go home is agonizing for the caregiver to hear.

People differ as to the phase they are in when (if) they go through this and there aren't any clear answers except to be patient with the person and try to distract them. They need to feel secure (as many people do when they are children). That, plus the fact that many with AD remember more about decades past than the near past, often brings them cognitively back to their childhood home (as it was decades ago). Even if the caregiver could possibly replicate that home and take their loved one to visit, the plea to go home would not stop.

It's a normal phase and a very difficult one. Compassion, distraction, validation - all of the things we as caregivers practice help but there is little that will make it go away.

Read the whole thread for some great ideas!
Carol
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It was the hardest thing for me, her daughter, as I remember her home and all my aunts and uncle, and her mom and dad, all of whom I loved dearly too. It took me a while, but I often say I love them too, I wonder where they are. She thinks at this time that I am her mom. That hurt at first too. But I know that it makes her secure.
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