Car is there for caregivers. Took the car and she threatened suicide, yelling, crying. She had a mini stroke and broke her hip a year ago. Also, medium dementia. She has three daughters who also drive and care for her. She doesn't want to ride in the caregiver's car because it is not in good condition. We told her we would leave the car if she promised not to drive. We put a tracking device on the car in case she drove and got lost. We've begged, pleaded, written heartfelt letters, to no avail. Her doctor has talked to her multiple times. She is on anti-depressants and medication for dementia. Mom claims she does not want to live if she can't drive. We pointed out how much she has to live for and how fortunate she is that she is able to stay in her home with her dog. She says she doesn't care. We told her she could injure someone if she has spasms in her legs and she says she doesn't care. I know she doesn't mean this, but she acts like a child when we talk to her. We know the car needs to be removed, but we are trying to get her to accept things so it is a win-win situation. Don't know how to deal with the suicide talk, yelling and crying. She also drinks alcohol at night, against doctor's and our requests. She is capable of living "alone" with help, IF she follows doctors orders. Any suggestions would be most appreciated. We've told her if she falls again, she will not be able to stay in her own home. Once again, her response is she will "take a bottle of pills" before she goes to assisted living.
My mom caused an injury accident resulting in a week long jury trial.
A year of anxious legal wrangling before the trial was stressful on all of us.
Selling her beloved car was a battle worth fighting and she doesn't even remember
the whole ordeal.
One less thing to worry about.
My Dad didn't go quite that far, but it was frustrating any time I couldn't drive him or Mom someplace, he would threaten to drive himself.... that was a very hot button for me. I would explode. Numerous times I told him that if he was in a serious accident where someone was really hurt, then he and Mom would be sued and everything they worked so hard for the past 70 some years would be gone. Then what? How would he and Mom live? Was going to the grocery store for a sale on can peaches worth that risk??? That usually settled him down.
Thankfully Dad's old Oldsmobile wouldn't hold a charge [something electrical in the car was draining the battery], so Dad would need to bring out the portable charger and set it up.... after a few hours of charging the car, Dad would forget why he wanted to drive :)
The other hard realization about dementia is the "sanity swings" they can be perfectly logical one minute and just plain stupid the next minute. The suicide threats? They are done because they push your buttons and put your entire family into turmoil......lots of attention.....mission accomplished.
I realize what I just said sounds harsh. Get rid of the car and pay the caregivers mileage.
The husband sounded rational for the first 5 minutes and then began to repeat himself. APS asked how they managed their shopping, etc. and the husband said they drove. When he was asked if he understood their licenses were revoked, he acted surprised. Later he was asked what he thought they should do with the car if neither could drive and he said: "sell it and get some money out of it." At that point I was able to get the keys and move the car to another friend's garage while we got it ready to sell. At that point, I took over taking them shopping and to their different appointments. I was also their POA for health care and finances, so by doing this, I could monitor how things were going. They were able to live on their own for another 8 months or so before the wife's dementia became so bad she needed 24 hour care. I found a nice, one bedroom memory care apartment in an AL so they could be together, which was extremely important to both of them. By involving APS, it removed me from being the "bad guy" about the keys.
Hope this helps in dealing with the manipulation going on here.
There's no easy way to do this. The car has to go. You can take the keys or disable the car or just drive it away some night.
And don't be afraid to fib. Depending on the level if her dementia a story that the car is in the shop or you borrowed it may cool her jets a little.
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