She has been diagnosis with Corticobasal Degeneration. And the rare disease is progressing. My mom had a recent fall and is now afraid to take shower standing in the tub. She states that she has a hard time standing for any length of time and is unable to lift her legs into the bath tub. They have a small tub so a shower chair does not fit. She resides with my dad in a rented townhouse.
CVLRadar, it will be ok.
A bath or shower 3 - 7 times a week may seem to be essential when the caregiver tries to impose personal standards on their loved one but in reality as long as the skin is cleaned on a regular basis by any of the suggested means it meets the standard of care. Using lotions on the skin keeps it moist and comfortable and paying attention to the genital area with wipes or plain soap and water will keep the area clean, sweet smelling and free from irritation. It is important to do any bathing in a warm draught free area and expose the skin as little as possible. Use clean warm towels and have warm clothes ready and if possible a freshly made clean bed.
Elderly people are often like young children and frequently have a favorite blanket of lap robe. These become easily soiled and the patient becomes agitated if the item is removed for laundering. The solution is to have two if possible identical blankets so one can be slipped away when necessary and the second substituted.
Breaking try not to be upset about you mothers attitude but turn it into an advantage. I assume your brother is with Mom overnight so arrange the main meals of the day while he is there. A good meal late afternoon and a nutricious breakfast. While you are there offer drinks and snacks and maybe high protein drinks which should be adequate. Let brother do the exercising and walking and you take care of the bathing. Many older women respond better to sons than daughters. They are used to taking orders from their husbands. You just have to go with the flow and don't question if something is working and both caregivers are satisfied with their roles. Be very thankful that your brother is prepared to be equally responsible for your mother. Most caregivers here would give a lot for such co-operation from a sibling.
We are caregivers under a caregiver agreement which was executed by an elder law attorney.
The problem I am facing with my mother is that she responds differently with my brother than myself. I spend 10 hrs. per day with her and she does not want to walk, exercise, or eat when I am with her. She has stated that I am trying to boss her. She just wants to sit in a chair and sleep or complain that she is to tired to walk . My brother takes over in the afternoon and she responds to him much better and will walk on the walker and seem to eat more food.
We have always had a good relationship over the years, but since her dementia diagnosis she seems to resent my trying to help with her everyday needs.
Please help with any advise on how to deal with this difficult situation.
There is no-rinse body cleanser which can be applied to a wipe and used during sponge baths and it can also be used as shampoo. If the hair is very thin and so many elderly women's hair is you can use the no-rinse wash on a washcloth and wipe the hair down with it. Make sure you get the perineal area thoroughly.
A shower bench or chair doesn't have to be completely in the tub. Half of it can be in the tub and the other half outside the tub. You'd need a detachable shower head but it can be done.
Lots of towels to keep mom warm while you're giving her a bath and finish off with lotions and nice, clean jammies.
In case our experiences might be of use to others, I want to share personal hygiene methods used to care for my 95-year-old mother who has dementia.
In between showers, I rub down her body with Simple brand exfoliating wipes, followed by an all-over lube job with a nice oil such as argan. I especially like L'Oreal "Age Perfect Glow Renewal" because it's absorbed well and has a light scent. Then on Mom's calves and other especially dry spots, I massage in O'Keeffe's Working Hands cream.
No matter what method is used, she complains that she's cold. She also complains that I rub too hard with the exfoliating wipes, but I explain that we have to get the dead skin off so she won't get itchy and that usually satisfies her. Then she complains that the wipes are wet, that she's wet in the shower, that something dry should be used instead. This often escalates to whining and even wailing at which point I gently sing a hymn and that comforts both of us.
Mom stopped showering long ago. In fact, personal hygiene pretty much is a thing of the past for her, a formerly fastidious homemaker. So there are lots of other personal tasks involved on a daily basis, a key one being to clean her hands with sanitizing wipes after she's been to the toilet (on those occasions when she actually uses the facilities) and before meals. She also needs adult pull-on diapers and recently I found (thanks to a nurse telling me about it) a baby wipe warmer which makes my doing that task more pleasant for her.
Mom used to go to her hairdresser once a week for a wash and set. But we had to cancel appointments so often for one reason or another that I had them take her standing date off the books. Now we just go for cuts and perms as needed. For a while, she bent over the bathroom sink so I could wash her hair, but that's become too uncomfortable. Now I do the hair when I shower her and she hates it but it seems the only alternative remaining. In between full washes (which her hairdresser insists should be at least once a week) I use a dry spray shampoo (the Batiste brand suggested by "ferris1") and of course complaints are associated with this practice too.
Perhaps you can see a trend here, about the complaining. Mom has had a habit of negativity as long as I’ve known her. Medications have helped but of course don’t change her basic crabby nature. So it’s not advisable to wait until the impatient patient feels like getting cleaned up and/or gives permission.
Blessings to those who face this challenge. It isn’t easy but is satisfying when Mom is clean and smells good, for as long as that lasts. Good luck and keep singing.
Anyone can probably get by in the short term with a sponge bath. However, in the long term, overall body skin probably needs some water moisturizing and rinsing. And what about the plan for washing her hair, usually done in the shower these days?
You need to figure out what the rate of progression of your mom's CD is because you have indicated it IS progressing. The practical reality may be that a town home, often with stairs, is not going to be suitable in the near future and that the small tub, maybe in a postage stamp sized bathroom, is already unworkable.
There may come a time in the very near future that your mom and dad will have to move to a more compatible location together. It is also possible that your mom may have to be placed. The speed of the rate of progression will probably be the determining factor.
You haven't mentioned their ages or the status of your father. Is it possible they could move to independent living together. Have you heard of or researched tiered facilities, where one can stay under the umbrella of one hey silly, but move between independent living, assisted living, nursing home or memory care as required? Folks who take that route can have their parents still living in the same location, albeit different sections, making visitation, helping out or sharing meals possible for them, avoiding separation.
So, that was the long way around answering your question. If she may have a move in her very near future we're showering is again possible, independently or with assistance, sponge baths may suffice for the time being. They are also almost exclusively used if the patient is bedridden or near the end of life. But at most other times, showering with hair washing is the norm for body hygiene.