For several years, everywhere my mom has lived someone has "knocked" on her bedroom window. She and my Dad now live with my husband and I. She has always loved my husband and gotten along very well with him. Now she is accusing my husband of knocking on her bedroom door, because "he hates her and doesn't want her to rest". This is totally untrue. He has looked her in the eye and told her he would never do something like that. This is so upsetting to me and I do not know what to do to help her. She doesn't have a UTI. She refuses to go to the doctor and is adamant that she's not crazy and nothing I say will sway her. For years, everywhere she has lived someone has knocked on her window. I would actually prefer her to go back to that than think my wonderful husband is doing it. It's as if all of her common sense is gone. She's always loved him and gotten on very well with him. We are all at a loss as to what to do in this terrible situation it's completely disrupting all of our peace and contentment in our home. I do not know how to ignore this and I do not have the faintest idea how to help her.
That was what she believed, and what her damaged brain was telling her was HER TRUTH.
Her perception of what she hears is not based on an established fact but rather it is based on what she believes.
Whether all of her common sense is gone or just this part, you are correct that there is nothing that will change this belief.
I’m not sure what you mean by “I do not know how to ignore this”, and you have offered her good options for help that she has rejected.
‘If her behavior has reached the stage at which “it’s completely disrupting all of our peace and contentment” you may need to be at the point where consideration be given to a placement outside your home.
Tragic, but perhaps an important thought to consider. Some behaviors have no good solutions.
Delusions are a symptom.
She needs a complete physical and psychiatric exam to rule out and rule in the causes.
There is no "she refuses" here. She goes to the docs or you call 911 and have her transported to the ER for a psych eval.
If she is competent, she will understand which is the better choice.
Delusions are so difficult to deal with.
Best of luck finding a solution.
She should not be allowed to refuse a visit to her doctor. No one is going to tell her she is "crazy".
This is to rule out dementia bit there are other things that can cause auditory hallucinations and they should be ruled out.
If the situation can not be resolved it might be that mom and dad have to move to another place, independent, assisted or if appropriate memory care.
There are medications that can help lessen anxiety.