Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Distraction. I handle stuff like this from my 86 year old grandma in the same way I handle my toddler. I just have to keep my voice pleasant and distract her, or I will say that I'll look for her missing item and hope she forgets about it.
Thank you, I try to do just that, she isn't always like this, she was really good for a whole week, but today was bad, she thinks someone is steeling or trading things , everything from money to underwear. I don't know if I should try to reason with her or just go along with whatever she says. I just don't know what to do, I have always been so close to my Mom and it is so hard to see her like this. :(
I don't try to reason with my grandma because I know it won't go anywhere. I'm sorry that you are seeing your mom like this when you were so close before. I am not close to my grandma so it's very easy to detach. My grandma is constantly convinced that her things are missing. Sometimes I just tell her that it's in the garage or storage so that it will be protected from damage, or I'll tell her that I saw it around and I'll bring it to her room when it turns up. Then I change the topic :)
I was very close to my mom though and when she was on hospice and having delusions from the medication, I would just try to distract her from the things that are upsetting. I would try to keep things very positive for her. Many times I would just go along with what my mom was seeing, or at least validate her feelings.
I'm very sorry about your Mom. I am constantly changing the subject sometimes it works but most of the time it doesn't , but I will keep trying, Thank you very much.
If this is a big change in her behavior, make sure she gets checked for a uti, for electrolyte imbalance and the like. Chart her behaviors for her doctor so that the progression can be tracked and treated.
This is so sad, and so common. Paranoia is often a part of dementia. LO (loved one) is worried that someone will take her precious possessions, so she hides them. Memory loss is part of dementia. LO forgets where she hid them or even that she hid them. See! I was right! Someone IS taking my things! And so the cycle goes on.
Dang! Frustrating for all concerned!
It just adds to the frustration to try to reason with LO. She sees it as you not believing her. She is losing the ability to reason, and when your reasoning conflicts with what she "knows," it can make her mad or sad.
As Aishamama suggests, validate her feelings. "Oh, how irritating that your lady bug bracelet has gone missing! I don't blame you for being upset--I always loved that silly bracelet! Just in case it got misplaced I'll look for it this afternoon -- let's hope it is still in the house somewhere. But before that, I'd like a little dish of ice cream with that new chocolate sauce over it. How about you?"
Validate and then distract. That doesn't always work but it has a higher success rate than reasoning or arguing.
Look for the missing possession as if it had been hidden, for often that is exactly what started this. Some LOs use the same odd places over and over, somewhat simplifying the task. Once you discover that she hides things in the freezer and in bag of kitty litter, it is easier to find things quickly!
We go through the same thing with grandma (she lives with us). She has a REALLY bad habit of moving things, sometimes more than once, then forget where she moved it to. I have to let her know "It is around here somewhere, its probably just in a different drawer than you remember" then look for it. One time she "misplaced" (to be kind) over $500. Needless to say after the third time of this happening in 4 months, we bought a safe and now only give her $20 at a time, telling her the rest is in the safe WHEN she needs it.
She usually will "hide" her things in the top drawer of her dresser, and upon moving it, it ends up in the second or third. The sooner you learn her 'hiding spots' the quicker you will be able to find it.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I was very close to my mom though and when she was on hospice and having delusions from the medication, I would just try to distract her from the things that are upsetting. I would try to keep things very positive for her. Many times I would just go along with what my mom was seeing, or at least validate her feelings.
Dang! Frustrating for all concerned!
It just adds to the frustration to try to reason with LO. She sees it as you not believing her. She is losing the ability to reason, and when your reasoning conflicts with what she "knows," it can make her mad or sad.
As Aishamama suggests, validate her feelings. "Oh, how irritating that your lady bug bracelet has gone missing! I don't blame you for being upset--I always loved that silly bracelet! Just in case it got misplaced I'll look for it this afternoon -- let's hope it is still in the house somewhere. But before that, I'd like a little dish of ice cream with that new chocolate sauce over it. How about you?"
Validate and then distract. That doesn't always work but it has a higher success rate than reasoning or arguing.
Look for the missing possession as if it had been hidden, for often that is exactly what started this. Some LOs use the same odd places over and over, somewhat simplifying the task. Once you discover that she hides things in the freezer and in bag of kitty litter, it is easier to find things quickly!
She usually will "hide" her things in the top drawer of her dresser, and upon moving it, it ends up in the second or third. The sooner you learn her 'hiding spots' the quicker you will be able to find it.
Desiree