My mother is 75 and her boyfriend (they had a marriage ceremony in Mexico years ago but they are not legally married ) now has severe dementia and she can't afford more than 10 hours a week of In-Home Care. His two kids are doing pretty well financially one is a lawyer and one is the dentist, but neither want to help their father financially. He doesn't qualify for Medicaid. They live in California where there's no common law. My mother lost 25% of her weight and her blood pressure has gone up all in the last year due to the stress of my stepdad and has constant hallucinating and getting up in the middle of the night etcetera etc. He needs some sort of full-time care. The question is, who is responsible to pay for it? My mother already owned her house when he moved in, but of course it has gone up in value in the last 20 years. Hoping somebody knows something about these issues, thank you.
Is that London UK or London US? I gather you have contact with her. She doesn't have to help him financially, but she does have the responsibility of managing his affairs which includes where he lives and the care he is getting. If she will not take that responsibility seriously, then you need to discuss with the lawyer how to proceed. As he is severely demented it is too late for another POA to be appointed. Guardianship is the next route to get the authority to act on his behalf and provide for his needs. That is expensive and a lot of work for the guardian,
Also you might benefit by visiting your local Agency for Aging and see if they have any ideas.
Good luck Let us know how you make out. This is a difficult situation,
ETA re your reply to worriedincal - check with the lawyer if evicting him in his state is advisable or would have repercussions for your mother, One route to getting him into care is if he is admitted to hospital your mother can refuse to accept him back home on the basis that she cannot provide proper care for him. Then they are obliged to find care for him. Possibly then, he could be made a ward of the state is the POA will not step in.
another idea - is your mother's PCP aware of the effect caring for this man is having on her? There might be a social worker in his office that could help;
This is a question of quite how much responsibility she is shirking, having agreed to it. I'd have a lot more sympathy with her point of view if she hadn't done that.
You have had it formally established that the Mexican knees-up did not constitute a marriage, have you?
Poor man, but even more poor mother! I hope you'll find the way forward very soon.
Is your mum POA? She is ill from the work and stress. 40% of caregivers die before the person they care for. This situation needs to change quickly. Good luck in helping her. She needs that right now.
It is sad how things are going here, but it's the responsibility of the daughter who has POA to step up and handle things, as your mother clearly cannot.
Please do let us know what the lawyer advises, if you would.
My family have been trained by professional
TO do this to me
May God help us