Dad is 91, in great health except for some short-term memory issues. Still drives but refuses to wear glasses that the eye doctor prescribed for distance (and says he definitely should be wearing for driving). He is a homebody and would prefer to stay home, read and watch TV all day. Mom is 85, cannot drive and has difficulty communicating due to aphasia from mini-strokes 20+ years ago, very overweight, has a very bad left knee. She feels trapped at home, and has dad drive her to local stores, doctor appointments, bridge with friends. Siblings and I have taken them to look at local senior living places; my mom would really love to go, but my dad absolutely, positively refuses to consider it. Dad is also a hoarder... cellar and garage are packed with junk, dining room table ready to collapse under piles of junk mail, newspapers and magazines. Both of them have had falls within the past year (dad on basement stairs, mom going to mailbox), fortunately no broken bones. Siblings and I are worried that a serious accident will happen--on the road or in the house. Any advice would be SO appreciated!
If your mom were to move without your dad I'm afraid you'd have 2 problems to deal with: your dad living alone and your mom getting used to her new living arrangement. I don't think your dad should be left behind but if he absolutely digs his heels in and refuses to move at least their house will be safer and cleaner.
Don't enable him by doing all your mother did for him. Let him find out just how spoiled he really is.
How much easier life would be if they did move... they would have MORE freedom instead of waiting for me to clear my schedule to drive them somewhere. They now miss going to the stores, well at the retirement village the mini bus goes daily so they could shop all the time. What is there not to like? Plus Dad would have all these new set of ears to listen to all his college and work stories :) And Mom would feel secure that if Dad fell [which he does often] that all she would need to do is signal a panic button in the condo and security would come to help, any time during the day.
Then I figured that my parents really think this village is a nursing home, and people from my parents generation tend to refuse to even think about going to such a place. Good heavens, there are people my age who had moved there, and they love it.
I really think the downsizing is one stumbling block for my parents. Dad has his workshop that he would need to give up [even though the village has a woodworking shop for the residents]... and the though of leaving behind so much furniture. My Mom's idea of downsizing is donating one knick knack per year :P
You cannot clean up, after a hoarder. They think that junk is their life long possessions. Your dad would do the same thing at AL, so he really isn't suited for that. I think you are going to have to wait him out, until he has to be in a NH.
What are you and your siblings going to do with the house? I don't look forward to cleaning out my mothers and I think I will take out the family pieces and then, hire a company to clean it out.
My MIL is in such a nice AL, that I will have no problem moving into one. I am 61.