I have a feeling that if I try to force mom to go into assisted living using my POA, she is going to want to revoke it, if thats possible. She has alzheimers and says she is mixed up, every day. So far she is able to manage her meds and hygiene....I take care of everything else. But there will come a time when she will need assistance and when that time comes, she will not willingly leave her home. She cant afford in home care. I will have to be the one to force the move and im sure she will refuse and want to 'cancel' my POA. So how does that work....can she do that?
Letting a person with moderate dementia who has lost judgement, perspective, reasoning ability and empathy be in charge and make truly bad decisions about big moves is generally a mistake, albeit a well-intentioned one. You have to think hard about what is best for her, and avoid doing anything that will destroy your life and in the long run not preserve hers. Sure, she would like to stay in her own familiar place for the rest of her life, and she wants to have support and care there - but if she is asking too much - and frankly, asking you to abandon your own children and grandchildren, she is - you mustn't give in to that. Give her the choices that can reasonably be given.
How will she afford assisted living if she can't afford in home care? Medicaid?
What stage does her doctor say her Alzheimer's is? Has the doctor assessed her competency?
As her doctor told her what level of care she actually needs?
Possibly adult protective services could help you somehow.
Otherwise, as long as she is competent, she can dig her heals in until an accident takes place that puts her in the hospital where you can tell the discharge social worker that you can't take care of her at home.
Maybe some others will have additional ideas.