My mom with Alzheimer's is going downhill fast. Could it be due to her environment?
My Mom has had Alzheimer's that we know of for about 6 years. She has done well until lately. I had her at my home and had a caregiver, she started to fall quite often and one night it was bad she hit her head so hard that I had an ambulance come take her to the hospital.
The Doctor advised us that it was time to put her in a home and that she requires 24 hour a day care. My family flew in and we found a very nice place but now I wonder if it was the right decision. I was shocked when I went in the home, I still had horror thoughts of a nursing home from way back when my great grandfather was in one so I was quite surprised to see just how nice it was. I could not ask for more with the staff members, they are all so caring.
Lately my Mom has become very combative. She tries to hit the aids, she cusses them out and has scratched some. Although its very embarrassing everyone knows it just the disease and they know that after she gets up in the morning she will return to her sweet self.
The concern that I have is when you walk into the home there are a lot of residents that are in wheel chairs, kind of slumped over and sleeping, some don't talk. Mom seems to have gone down hill very fast the last month and I can't help but wonder if its because of her environment. We had to again take her to the hospital about 2 weeks ago, this time she kept saying she hurt, was very sick to her stomach and her blood pressure was way out of control. She checked out fine except for a yeast infection, they think at this point she can't decipher itching from pain. She is refusing to eat, I'm lucky to get a couple bites of a Cheeseburger in her, I say Cheeseburger because if nothing else she would always eat that so I bring them to her in hopes to get her to eat. I have though about bringing her back home but I know in my heart that I do not have the means to take care of her and that is very hard to admit. I though that I would take care of her until the end, I had even told my sister that if I had to hire 2 people I would but now I do understand a little better that its not easy to work a full time job and try and depend on caregivers, I did not have a lot of luck with them. Do you think the reason for mom's sudden decline is due to being put in the nursing home? She thinks its her apartment, I'm amazed she has a little dog that is with me and when we took her to the hospital the first time its like she has forgot about her dog. The dog was her whole life and she had never mentioned her again and its been about 3-4 months. I would appreciate any advice, its devastating watching your loved one go through all this. I'm not sure if I mentioned but at this point she will not even try to walk, I think she is to week because she will not eat.
After that serious fall, Mom had to go live in long-term-care. There was no way I could be her caregiver, plus it would upset my Dad having to see Mom in her current state 24 hours a day. Dad accepted caregivers for himself immediately as Dad couldn't stay by himself as he was a fall risk, too. At noon each day, the caregiver would drive Dad to the nursing home so Dad could see Mom, and the caregiver would feed Mom her lunch. After an hour, Dad wanted to go home. He finally accepted the fact that my Mom wasn't getting better, and wouldn't be coming home.
For my Mom, she needed the 3 shift care, and in her state of mind she thought she was in a hotel and that I had a room down the hall. She could no longer walk, or even stand. She was constantly trying to climb out of bed or out of her wheelchair. Her dementia kept getting worse and worse within the 3 month span, due to her head trauma :(
I had no guilt that my Mom was in long-term-care. Both my Dad and I resented the fact that she was so stubborn that it put her in this health situation. Two weeks after my Mom had passed, Dad announced he was ready to look at Independent Living. He picked out the place and he enjoyed living there, wishing, of course, my Mom would have been there with him.
You've made sure she is in a good environment with caring people and all the right facilities. It has to have been the right decision; I'm just sorry that even the best place can't always give us the results we'd like to see.
I had the same thing happen with both parents. It's all part of the unforeseen torture that we go through. I believe that when you place your parents into a care facility, they somehow get that they can be themselves again, and that they don't have to put on any false "masks" for fear of being found out how bad things really are for them.
My parents lived on their own until last year. Yet my mother was diagnosed with Dementia and the CAT scan showed that she had lost the judgement part of her brain 15 years earlier. Dad was diagnosed with mid-stage Alz that was at least 5 years in the making. None of their friends, neighbors or me (for that matter) noticed, and they worked hard at looking normal because they wanted to stay in their home.
It was only because my Dad didn't remember what a toilet was for that my mother agreed to come a stay with me in my home.
They've been in an AL home for almost 6 months now, and I've since moved them into Memory Care. I think my Dad is doing better, and they really know how to control the meds. there. The psychologist at the home did tell me that it would take 6 months for them to get used to the change.
He was definitely happier and content at home but he was also declining really quickly, and was not safe. Most of the time when we walked in the house he was asleep slumped over in the chair. He was starting to brace objects against the door when we weren't there and when my mom left for a couple hours one evening he fell (after prior repeated falls) and broke his leg. I just keep telling my mom that if we'd brought him home he would have fallen again, and maybe worse. There are only so many times that can happen before someone else would step in anyway and make sure that he was in a facility.
Some days the NH wasn't bad, other days you'd cry after the visit, but at least at the place he ended up in (after changing facilities) he was rarely falling and the people there knew him and liked him.
It is just a really sad and imperfect situation. I feel like if the person is having their physical needs met, are safe, and know they are loved by family (or friends), sometimes that is the best we can do.
She moved to memory care in August. There were times last year where I second guessed myself if mom should have stayed with me or not. Not so much anymore. Remember dementia is a progressive disease, she will get worse and she may have other health problems. I don't want to sound discouraging but all those falls may indicate more problems are coming. My mom was diagnosed with bladder cancer last April, she is now under hospice care. She is highly anemic and has several falls and trips to the ER. I can honestly say now, that moving her to memory care was the right thing.
It's never easy, just take heart that as she get worse your mom is in a place that can care for her at all stages of her disease. Also, I like you, am not equipped to be a full time caregiver; I did not want my home to be a 24/7 care center. Now when I see her, I am glad she is not with me - I miss her terribly but I am not able to care for her like I could one year ago.
Most folks at mom's memory care which is not a nursing home are in wheelchairs and slumped over
Mom at almost 94 is one of the few that still talks
Nearly all are on anti-psych meds and some rapidly decline and a lot don't eat except dessert
I too would rather have mom at home but caregivers are unreliable and she was running away from them and falling
She has fallen at memory care too and so I have private caregivers with her 12 hours a day and it's still not enough to prevent UTIs
She scratches aides too and cusses them out
We switched from one drug to a second which helps a bit more
As I understand it NH are under pressure to reduce psych drugs and xanax may not be the right one for your mom
Does mom have her own doctor or she only seen by the NH doc?
I'd also keep in mind that the abilities of the person with dementia may fluctuate. Some days, you may see what looks like an improvement, but, the next day, it's much worse. I learned to expect the unexpected.
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