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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Absolutely not! Even if you don't mind upsetting her apple cart regarding adjustment to a facility, you need to consider that her behavior may not be appropriate at various times during the wedding festivities. She may be the most compliant patient where she feels familiar, but in another setting she could start hiding teaspoons in her purse, picking up bugs and eating them, or crying uncontrollably. Don't think this couldn't happen. It does, and to some of the most (formerly) well-behaved people I know. Then it becomes YOUR problem to remove her from the scene, figure out how to handle the situation, or medicate her to get her back in the car.
You don't need these problems. Chances are she won't recognize a lot of people there anyway. Watch the video with her afterwards, and freeze a piece of the wedding cake to eat while you're doing it. Or not, since the video may be confusing for her.
No , Mom needs to stay where she is so she can adjust .
Taking her away overnight will just add to her confusion .
Show her videos and pictures when you get back .
If the wedding was local and not overnight , it may have been more doable , with hiring an aide and not having her stay the whole time . Large parties for too long can be too much for them to handle, causing anxiety due to too much stimulation .
In general , I do not believe overnight travel, especially to unfamiliar locations is a good idea at this stage of dementia . They can get very disoriented , anxious , try to leave the hotel at night to “ go home”.
My hub has end stage Alzheimer’s from a TBI and is in memory care. Our sons wedding is in 5 mo and though some have said the couples wishes want him there it’s me who is deciding and right now no. He just got over Covid and the change now has him not knowing how to even walk . He Can not do any ADLs and is incontinent. Though a nurse friend has offered to take him and leave with him if unable to tolerate all the commotion , he doesn’t remember anything not even the kids not me. That is not how a wedding should be. It’s a happy time and I don’t want regrets later . A lot can happen in next 5mo and it’s local but the decline in last two months and esp the last week has me knowing this journey has excelerated and I truly take it a day at a time. You wouldn’t enjoy the wedding if she were there and let’s face it you need some joy in your life too. So go enjoy ,make good memories and take pics. You may feel bad about it now but you will be so happy later that you allowed the kids their time. Take her pic in a nice frame and set it on a table if some feel they will miss her . Mom will never know. It never is easy and he is my third family member with dementia two from accidents. And I know he would want the kids happiness first and foremost so go enjoy and reminisce after. You will not regret your decision.
My Mom was in her last stages if Dementia, maybe 6. She was incontinent. My niece, her granddaughter was being married 8 hrs away at a resort. I actually was setting up respite care in an AL so we could go without her. They were having a 50% sale on Room and Board, I ended up placing her there.
There was no way I was taking Mom. I had been caring for her in my home and I needed a break. I did not want to spend my time babysitting her. I just wanted to enjoy the wedding. You can take a video and show her or pictures.
I, personally, believe that no matter where a severely demented person lives, they should never be taken from their home for overnight trips. Change is far to incomprehensible for their broken brain and makes it too difficult for everyone involved.
Go, enjoy the wedding and bring back a video to share. Maybe, the granddaughter can come for a visit after to share the video and ring and honeymoon and make grandma feel like she was included after all.
In my own humble opinion this would be a very BAD idea. I cannot imagine it going well. Of course I don't KNOW Mom nor her adjustment to her ALF, nor how well she travels historically, nor how much she understands of what is going on.
I think that this is best discussed with the administration of the facility. I think if this goes wrong it will make this wedding all about MOM, and not about the bride and groom.
Wishing you good luck in your decision. This is not something I would attempt, quite honestly, in the BEST of situations.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You don't need these problems. Chances are she won't recognize a lot of people there anyway. Watch the video with her afterwards, and freeze a piece of the wedding cake to eat while you're doing it. Or not, since the video may be confusing for her.
Taking her away overnight will just add to her confusion .
Show her videos and pictures when you get back .
If the wedding was local and not overnight , it may have been more doable , with hiring an aide and not having her stay the whole time . Large parties for too long can be too much for them to handle, causing anxiety due to too much stimulation .
In general , I do not believe overnight travel, especially to unfamiliar locations is a good idea at this stage of dementia . They can get very disoriented , anxious , try to leave the hotel at night to “ go home”.
Congratulations to your son. I wish him (and you) happiness for the future.
I wish your husband peace, and strength to your family.
There was no way I was taking Mom. I had been caring for her in my home and I needed a break. I did not want to spend my time babysitting her. I just wanted to enjoy the wedding. You can take a video and show her or pictures.
Go, enjoy the wedding and bring back a video to share. Maybe, the granddaughter can come for a visit after to share the video and ring and honeymoon and make grandma feel like she was included after all.
I think that this is best discussed with the administration of the facility. I think if this goes wrong it will make this wedding all about MOM, and not about the bride and groom.
Wishing you good luck in your decision. This is not something I would attempt, quite honestly, in the BEST of situations.