I work full time, own my own place, raise horses. Mom moved in with me 2006 to get out of a bad relationship. last year I asked her to chip in financially by paying the 120 a month cable-internet-phone bill. It got ugly- she says she has no money-rewrote her will- told all her friends I was trying to get her to bail me out. I pay all the bills. I had to go to unlimited LD because her average monthly LD is 48 HOURS. How can I make her see that she needs to contribute to the bills. I am the oldest of 4. My sisters hate her( really) my brother has enough problems. If I ask her to leave- I will be the bad guy, but I am tired of being taken advantage of. I am not rich- barely make ends meet. I am tired of the whole situation but don't know how to make it better without making her leave at this point. I asked her again 2 weeks ago to help out. Same ugly conversation. No Money. BUT she just bought 2 donkeys in June that I provide a barn for also.
Mom is 68. She gets aproximately $ 800 + a month in SSI. Apparently she filed or is filing bankruptcy for her Credit card bills but last year when I asked her about paying a little, she had $10k in the bank from a workers comp settlement. She said she couldn't touch that money because she might need it later for her foot, but she flew to two different locations to meet guys she met online. (She said they paid)
There is little to no communication. I am torn between cutting off the cable/phone /internet to prove a point, but I am pretty rural and don't want to leave her here during the day without a way to call for help. I don't know how to legally ask her for rent after 4 years. Or ask her to leave without going through the eviction process. Again- I will be the bad guy.
Be firm with her. Tell her you can not afford the extra costs and stress of having her living with you. Tell her you cannot afford to provide free housing for her mules or to pay for her long distance charges or anything else you're covering.
Tell her you will give her 30 days to find an apartment -- give a specific cutoff date, say September 15. Tell her if she does not find one, you will rent a room (don't put your name on the lease) for her and help her move in on the cutoff date. If you have to pay the first month on the room, it would be worth it to you to have her out.
She obviously has no appreciation for what you are sacrificing for her and is obviously able to take care of herself. So you shouldn't feel badly at all about getting her out so that you can take care of yourself. If you let her stay, she'll drag you both down.
Take a deep breath and lay down the law and a move-out date TODAY.
Feeling like a beast of burden? She's on 68, and getting over ... on you. While she's tending to her donkeys (and online dates), get cardboard boxes and pack her stuff. Let her know the gravy train is leaving, donkeys and all. Or start cutting the privileges she apparently can't afford: a roof over her head, space for her new roommates, free Internet, etc..
Children are not a retirement account, so we shouldn't bring them into the world and then charge them for it. She gets it, but believes you can't do anything about it. ... It's time you throw her a surprise party.
-- ED
I didn't read all the posts before I commented, and now I feel like an a__. There was a surprise party after all. What happened to the burros? Did you keep them? If you did, you know she's coming back for them -- after her "friend on the other coast" gets sick of her and the little dog too. There's no dignity without sanity, so remain assertive and enforce your boundaries. Of course I'm a compassionate individual, but if I were you I'd let her move back in ... after the funeral.
-- ED
I worked last Saturday and when I got home everything was gone. Including all the food in the house. I have spent this week getting my house back in order and cleaning up.
Thanks for all the support..
Well, at least she didn't take the all the toilet paper and ice cube makers like my ex did just to be spiteful.
There's a peace of mind that comes with reclaiming your own home. But like Naheaton said, be prepared. The monkey's off your back, but that doesn't mean the circus is out of town.
Good luck my friend.
-- ED
Thanks for the laugh, and your objectivity. You have this uncanny ability to see things for what they really are; and sprinkle it with that "been there, done that" I can't describe.
-- ED