80 years old and bedbound. No pain. She's just been crying and calling for her mother all day and feeling sorry for herself. I feel she may have a touch of dementia but that hasn't been diagnosed. Nothing I'm trying works, including medication, talking to her (she has a hard time speaking now), sitting next to her and ignoring it, asking her to stop, speaking patiently with her. Nothing. I'm very frazzled and drained from spending the day around her. The only times she seems normal these days is when she's asleep.
I once sat with a woman who was having a bad reaction to her meds and flipping out and all I could do to help her was sing. You could try that. Make up your own words to lullabies if you can't think of what to sing. I don't know why it worked but it was the only thing that did.
Also-I think I read somewhere that those with dementia are often in tune with their caregivers emotions. If you are stressed she may be sensing it and it may not be helping. Try and relax by her --just sit by her and relax to soothing music or a glass of wine and a book and she may pick up on your body language. I do this with my girl (minus the wine) , read by her bed and just keep a hand on her and she almost instantly relaxes.
Good luck. (((( hugs to you and Mom)))
jeanne, I called hospice and they sent a nurse over and she wasn't very helpful. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that mom wasn't in pain, and that this was something mental/emotional. I find they are often more interested in what new medication to try than really understanding the problem. It's a bit frustrating.
capn: lol
jessie, thanks for your input. I think there may be a bit of dementia and/or psychoses here, but not diagnosed yet. That plus my mom has always been a bit of a drama queen.
Mishka, thanks for the suggestions. I've tried to work on my demeanor to be reassuring and completely calm and not let my stress show through. I think it has helped.
skinonna: Thanks for the hug.
Update:
So I talked to mom this morning (she went right back to moaning and groaing) and asked her if she was tired of being stuck in bed....and if that was part of whats going on and she said yes. Normally she wants to stay in bed because she gets out of breath and panicked when shes not lying down. But she's tired of it. So I lifted her out of bed for a little bit and into her recliner and she's settled down for now. *fingers crossed*
((((hugs and prayers )))))))
please let us know how things are doing....we care!!! my heart is breaking for you but also maybe nurse is wrong...get her in to a DR/Hospital for a more thorough assessment if you can asap ....I would say idk im flustered and in tears for you, I immediately put myself there with you.
You are not alone in spirit. and breathe as Mishka sed!!!!
love and prayers for you and your mom!!!
Juju
Update: Mom stopped the moaning and groaning (they medicated her with morphine and an antipsychotic and crashed this morning and hasn't been very responsive. I think she exhausted herself with all the agitation. Earlier today when you talked to her she opened her eyes and there was a completely vacant look in her eye. The hospice nurse said she's actively dying. She doesn't seem to be even opening her eyes anymore. she's not eating or drinking. Nothing today. No urine. She's under 24 hour at home hospice care now. Family is flying in from various parts to be here with her. My sister is here now too.
I've been her caregiver for a year and a half. I regret the times I was annoyed with her for my life being on hold. I keep wondering what I could've done differently and that I'm not ready to lose my mom. Like there were a few more things I needed to do or say to get things just right. I'm her youngest child and she always told me I was her favorite. She spoiled me and was always there for me. Just not ready for her to go yet
her is something i just saw just the other day and had to copy to remember "A Moment of Respite: Holding Hands with Someone You Love – Every time she grabs your hand you are overcome with an awareness of how much she means to you. Holding hands is sensual and physically intimate, yet subtle. There are few people you allow to hold your hand, so when it happens you can be sure that the moment is special. "
I am so sorry your Mom is dying. So very very sorry. I am glad your sister is there and others flying in. Take care of yourself. You are a good person. Your Mom is blessed to have you by her side. Still praying for you and your Mom and family. ((((hugs))))
What a wonderful gift you were to your Mother. I had a therapist once tell me that humans really are amazing because we choose to love even when we know our loved ones may die before us and that we will, ultimately , be in pain. I don't know why I just thought of that except that you are now enduring that pain. And it is just horrible but it is universal and it will get better. It has to get better--humans would never be able to choose to love in the first place if it didn't.
Try and take it day by day, hour by hour. Let yourself grieve but try and get some sunshine and a little exercise everyday. Surround yourself with friends and family and maybe find a support group in real life(I mean, you got us here! --but maybe a real one would be a good addition)
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please stay in touch here if you can. Let us know how you are doing. We all care. (((hugs)))
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