80 years old and bedbound. No pain. She's just been crying and calling for her mother all day and feeling sorry for herself. I feel she may have a touch of dementia but that hasn't been diagnosed. Nothing I'm trying works, including medication, talking to her (she has a hard time speaking now), sitting next to her and ignoring it, asking her to stop, speaking patiently with her. Nothing. I'm very frazzled and drained from spending the day around her. The only times she seems normal these days is when she's asleep.
I once sat with a woman who was having a bad reaction to her meds and flipping out and all I could do to help her was sing. You could try that. Make up your own words to lullabies if you can't think of what to sing. I don't know why it worked but it was the only thing that did.
Also-I think I read somewhere that those with dementia are often in tune with their caregivers emotions. If you are stressed she may be sensing it and it may not be helping. Try and relax by her --just sit by her and relax to soothing music or a glass of wine and a book and she may pick up on your body language. I do this with my girl (minus the wine) , read by her bed and just keep a hand on her and she almost instantly relaxes.
Good luck. (((( hugs to you and Mom)))
got this b***h and she wont pack hod.
wont saw no brick, wont make no mud.
she looks at me with such distaste, i think im gonna break her face.
bla bla bla piss and moan, making calls on her cell phone.
sister paddy yap yap yap, her eyes are brown shes so full of crap.
my youngest son wont pack no hod, wont come to work makes effed up mud.
sits on a bucket and scowls at me, oughtta put him out of his misery..
my oldest son just up and blew, without even a F- U, he aint gonna lay no brick, anything i says gonna end in prick.
little joe and ner do well, guess ive died and gone to hell. they aint gonna pack no hod, thanks a lot good one god.
screw them all i wish them well, hope they all pack hod in hell.
hope a horse fly bites your sack, hope you liked my effed up song.
i donno, its funny when i sing it. try to make some real maniacle faces and hit the wrong chords on the guitar a bit..
I just told if she kept it up I would have her committed to a mental institution and that seems to have worked a bit.
And my heart goes out to you for taking care because it is just as horrible to watch as to have.
jeanne, I called hospice and they sent a nurse over and she wasn't very helpful. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that mom wasn't in pain, and that this was something mental/emotional. I find they are often more interested in what new medication to try than really understanding the problem. It's a bit frustrating.
capn: lol
jessie, thanks for your input. I think there may be a bit of dementia and/or psychoses here, but not diagnosed yet. That plus my mom has always been a bit of a drama queen.
Mishka, thanks for the suggestions. I've tried to work on my demeanor to be reassuring and completely calm and not let my stress show through. I think it has helped.
skinonna: Thanks for the hug.
Update:
So I talked to mom this morning (she went right back to moaning and groaing) and asked her if she was tired of being stuck in bed....and if that was part of whats going on and she said yes. Normally she wants to stay in bed because she gets out of breath and panicked when shes not lying down. But she's tired of it. So I lifted her out of bed for a little bit and into her recliner and she's settled down for now. *fingers crossed*
Her regular nurse came and the nurse thinks she's dying, there's a chance it could be dementia but she seemed to think she's entered the dying phase. She's on 24 hour home care now. I'm so sad and crying. I can't think straight. I can't imagine losing my mom right now. I'm in my 30s and my dad already passed away already. Im walking around without anything to do since they're caring for mom, I can't stand to see her like this; she can't even talk anymore, just moaning and grunting and nodding or shaking her head
When she is gone, her suffering will be over. I found that comforting with my father. The thing I found (after some time had passed) is that I didn't lose my parents, even though I couldn't pick up the phone and call any more. They live on inside me, and I can still talk to them every day.
Praying for you and your mother.
((((hugs and prayers )))))))
please let us know how things are doing....we care!!! my heart is breaking for you but also maybe nurse is wrong...get her in to a DR/Hospital for a more thorough assessment if you can asap ....I would say idk im flustered and in tears for you, I immediately put myself there with you.
You are not alone in spirit. and breathe as Mishka sed!!!!
love and prayers for you and your mom!!!
Juju
Update: Mom stopped the moaning and groaning (they medicated her with morphine and an antipsychotic and crashed this morning and hasn't been very responsive. I think she exhausted herself with all the agitation. Earlier today when you talked to her she opened her eyes and there was a completely vacant look in her eye. The hospice nurse said she's actively dying. She doesn't seem to be even opening her eyes anymore. she's not eating or drinking. Nothing today. No urine. She's under 24 hour at home hospice care now. Family is flying in from various parts to be here with her. My sister is here now too.
I've been her caregiver for a year and a half. I regret the times I was annoyed with her for my life being on hold. I keep wondering what I could've done differently and that I'm not ready to lose my mom. Like there were a few more things I needed to do or say to get things just right. I'm her youngest child and she always told me I was her favorite. She spoiled me and was always there for me. Just not ready for her to go yet
I am so sorry your Mom is dying. So very very sorry. I am glad your sister is there and others flying in. Take care of yourself. You are a good person. Your Mom is blessed to have you by her side. Still praying for you and your Mom and family. ((((hugs))))
her is something i just saw just the other day and had to copy to remember "A Moment of Respite: Holding Hands with Someone You Love – Every time she grabs your hand you are overcome with an awareness of how much she means to you. Holding hands is sensual and physically intimate, yet subtle. There are few people you allow to hold your hand, so when it happens you can be sure that the moment is special. "
When my mom (who has dementia) does this kind of stuff, I tell her if she keeps it up I will have to call the ambulance and have her taken to the ER (she refuses to walk - well, except when she wants to sneak down the hall to listen in on phone conversations). When she gets really bad I tell her that if she doesn't knock it off I'm going to have to put her in a skilled nursing facility, since obviously her medical needs are too great for me to take care of her. Those two threats - or a combination thereof - are usually sufficient to get her to stop. And, of course, I can always just leave the room and go do other things.
What the doc is likely to do, unless she has a UTI, is put her on anti-depressants. Oh boy! Another miracle drug to drag her life out a few more years.
Mom passed away peacefully this morning.
It does sound like she has dementia. Read soothing Psalms to her from the BIble to calm her. Show her old photographs. Play her old favorite music. She sounds like she is disoriented. Hold her hand and converse with her - even when she doesn't make sense.
Get help for yourself - really. Be kind to yourself. Take time to nurture yourself so you can give more to your Mom who really needs you at this stage of her life.
Use real butter.