80 years old and bedbound. No pain. She's just been crying and calling for her mother all day and feeling sorry for herself. I feel she may have a touch of dementia but that hasn't been diagnosed. Nothing I'm trying works, including medication, talking to her (she has a hard time speaking now), sitting next to her and ignoring it, asking her to stop, speaking patiently with her. Nothing. I'm very frazzled and drained from spending the day around her. The only times she seems normal these days is when she's asleep.
Still coming to terms with what's happened. I feel an incredible void right now and it doesn't seem like it will ever be filled. For the past year and half my mom was sick and my whole life revolved around her. When I went to sleep, when I woke up, how much I could sleep (depending on how much she slept), what I ate, making her meals, going to the market thinking about what she would like, lifting her out of bed and onto the commode when she was able, and then changing her diapers when she couldn't, lifting her onto her chair, feeding her, putting her on her bipap, all the people coming and going, dealing with hired caregivers, calling in hopsice and dealing with them, dealing with medication. Man. I realize almost every waking moment of mine was pretty much devoted to her, and when it wasn't, I was worrying about one thing or another related to her. And now she's gone. Just gone. Not coming back. So much finality to it, it's crushing me. I want her back. I walk into her room and her bed is there and it's empty and I start crying, so I'm avoiding her part of the house. I'm not sure what to do with myself. Thanks for listening.
Mom n I, will pray for your strength!!
praying for your family and your strength this morning and thru this entire grieving process you now face. (((HUGZ)))
What a wonderful gift you were to your Mother. I had a therapist once tell me that humans really are amazing because we choose to love even when we know our loved ones may die before us and that we will, ultimately , be in pain. I don't know why I just thought of that except that you are now enduring that pain. And it is just horrible but it is universal and it will get better. It has to get better--humans would never be able to choose to love in the first place if it didn't.
Try and take it day by day, hour by hour. Let yourself grieve but try and get some sunshine and a little exercise everyday. Surround yourself with friends and family and maybe find a support group in real life(I mean, you got us here! --but maybe a real one would be a good addition)
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please stay in touch here if you can. Let us know how you are doing. We all care. (((hugs)))