Looking for advice and feedback from anyone who has had to sell their parent's car. I have POA and can legally sell the car. My 84-year-old mom has dementia. She was still driving (!!!!) up until this past February. She does not recognize her dementia, and thinks she is fine. No official diagnosis. I reported her to the DMV. She had to appear in person for a written test, which she failed. She would have had to pass that to take a road test. She blames the DMV for not "giving her anything to study", or she "would have passed". She is determined that she will take the test again and regain her driving privileges. There is no way she can set that up herself, and I am certainly not going to do it. Her driving days are over.
She has a low mileage car in great condition. In the current used car market, she can get at least as much as she paid for it. I want to sell it and add the proceeds to her assets. I know I CAN do it. I have the title. It seems so cruel to just drive off with the car and sell it against her wishes. I have asked her repeatedly if she wouldn't rather have the money from the sale instead of a car just sitting in her garage. She says "no I will drive it again". She would get extremely upset if it just disappeared, even with a large chunk of money appearing in her bank account.
Advice?
Take it to the "dealership" and then begin with the reasons why it is not back yet.
It needs a part and they are on back order.
They are almost done but it needs a seal for the window or it will leak.
They are closed early today so we can't pick it up.
If she listens to the doctor have the doctor tell her that she can no longer drive until he says it is safe for her to do so.
Then the "bad guy" is the doctor. Each time she goes in the doctor can just tell her "not this time, maybe next"
I asked Dad why are they keeping the car. He said in case there is an emergency. Oh great, neither of my parents can see well enough to drive, so that would be an accident waiting to happen.
I told Dad if there was an emergency just dial 911 and let them drive. Eventually let me donate the car to charity.
What I would do is let her "study" and take the written test again. Telling her if she flunks again, the car gets sold and the proceeds go into her bank acct. Its been 6 months. With my Mom she declined monthly so alot can happen with Moms Dementia in 6 months. I doubt if she will be able to "study" and may get frustrated enough to agree to sell the car. And if she does, get it out if the garage and park it someplace else. We always parked the cars we were selling at my Moms. She lived on a main road so they sold quickly.
If you have POA and its not immediate, you need to get a formal diagnoses of Dementia. Then your POA is in effect. Read it to see what it says, carefully. With all the discussions on POAs on this forum I reread my Moms. She asked me to take over certain things for her so I never had a problem finance wise. Her POA did not say Immediate right away, it was in a paragraph that the Financial POA was immediate. But her Medical was if she could not make informed decisions.
Your life will be so much better if you realize Mom is no longer able to make informed decisions. She can't be reasoned with or process quickly what is being said. Its now time for you to take the wheel. Its now what she needs, not what she wants. You can't give her choices because her brain can't organize her thoughts anymore.
My Mom lived with me for awhile before she was placed in an AL. We would take her out to eat. First the menu was too confusing for her so I gave her 3 choices. Then 3 choices became too much, so it was two, then one. Always...liver and onions so that's what she got every time we went out.
Roles change when Dementia is involved. Mom becomes the child, you the parent.
I finally told him he was depriving a college kid a reliable car they could afford, and sure enough, being called selfish did the trick. He sold it to a college kid and moved on to a new car.
Try telling Mom that someone needs that car badly, then sell it.
You know mom's not going to drive again. Right now there is a dearth of good used cars out there (I know, we've been looking and are going to have to wait!).
Keeping an undriven car for sentimental reasons is silly, and you know that.
You may have to get tough with mom and just tell her that she is not going to be driving again, but you will do what you can to help her maintain 'mobility' by either introducing her to Uber or Lyft or becoming her chauffeur.
Being the adult in the situation is HARD. We sold my MIL's car (same situation) and she was sad for a while, but then glad that it was gone. She had to keep it insured and in running condition for the 2 years it sat in her garage--and that just became one more thing to do.
Be upfront and not 'sneaky', Would it help her mindset if she knew you'd sold her car to someone who really NEEDS one? That's where MIL's car went..to a woman who couldn't afford much and we cut her a great deal.