Mom's dementia has really been progressing. Have others experienced such emotional issues with parents and dementia?
Many days she is "pleasantly confused" and tells some of the most amazing stories of her day. Other times she can be very anxious, shaking, and calling out for help in her room at the nursing home. She is on hospice care and they are doing all they can to keep her comfortable. However, two days ago there was no pleasant confusion, instead she became very emotional and dark. When I asked her why she said "I lost the baby." It is very hard to see my 87-year-old mother in this stage and, emotionally, it through me into a tailspin. After a visit to the doctor yesterday I'm hoping to be able to handle things a little better. This is such a hard thing for a daughter and caregiver. Have others experienced such emotional issues with parents and dementia? How did you handle it?
Mom has frequent UTI and has been under massive doses of antibiotics - her body just doesnt react to them anymore. This now though is so much different than the hallucinations she had with a UTI. These stories are real - she has bottled beer (never worked in a brewery), lost a baby (never had a miscarriage), has been to jail and broke out riding the bus home (never been in jail), etc. As my doctor told me, find the humor where you can and just go along with her. I hope my friends and family will do the same with me as I tell them of my visits :)
Thank you all, again, very much for your responses. They do indeed help!
many times, she's finally now showing rapid mental decline in a short period of time. She IS nearly 97, still lives in her home (!) and her willfulness is sill intact and will NOT accept outside help, although I've tried every year for over 7 years to hire help - she needs it and I DO TOO.. but that's another story...! Let us know if your mom gets regular urinalysis for UTIs... the elderly do not have the same "symptoms" as younger people, and a sudden escalation of what appears to be "dementia' may actually be the only symptom that your old parent has a UTI. FYI. Bless you as you navigate these difficult days... and nights...
You have to deal with it one day at a time. I am not the primary caregiver but my mom is, so am going through the changes of my dad with her.
For the most part, I cry and feel helpless soo as i go through my bouts of crying, i force myself not to be sad and look at the big picture. I CAN NOT be weak for them, I need to advocate and help my mom as much as I could...we have to deal.
Always try to look at the positive sides of things...and still let yourself have days or moments of saddness---it is definitely an achy LONG goodbye.
REMEMBER, once you overcome this nothing else is impossible. Hang in there =(
Other days she is angry and agitated. During these times: I think they know something is wrong, but they are not sure what it is. Or they may not feel well. I agree with bee 1988- maybe your mother had a memory of a miscarriage and she was mourning. The minds are fragmented now; it is hard to watch. They will remember something and then react. Unfortunately I have more pleasant visits with my mom when she is more delusional. I was always told to live in their reality, so we do. When she is more lucid, she tends to me more agitated and anxious.
Just go with the flow and know there will be good days and bad and try to enjoy the good for as long as you have them.
She's awesome!!
I think that you are doing the right thing by talking about what you and and your mom are going through. One of the hardest things for me was to deal with people who would not acknowledge the reality of my mother's dementia. I had to witness things like my sister-in-law's fiance making fun of my mother at my in-laws', because (best case scenario) he had no clue of what was going on.
It seems from what you say that you have made sure that everything was done to help your mother, and that is such a big deal. Please try to find comfort in what you try to do, not necessarily in the results you get. My heart goes out to you.
We call in the behavioral health team and they have so far been able to get her back to baseline with anti anxiety and antidepressants.
I handled everything well until he went into skilled care. Having him there was like a full-time job between the visits, the meetings with the social workers, care plan meetings, chasing down his missing laundry, searching for his lost hearing aids, phone calls at 11pm from him asking me where his socks were and having to take him to the hospital twice a week to have fluid drained out of his peritoneal cavity. For months I wandered around in a fog and would burst into tears at the slightest provocation. One particular stressful day at the hospital I was near hysteria and as soon as I got my dad situated I went in search of a priest or a nun (it was a Catholic hospital). No one was able to find anyone for me but the hospital volunteers sat me down, gave me refreshments, and let me cry it out.
I've never known such stress in my life and haven't experienced it like that since. It was all so overwhelming and it was constant, all day everyday. I lost a lot of weight and wasn't sleeping well.
A few days before my dad died I got to his room and he was just sitting there, bewildered and confused and tearful. I sat next time him and asked him what was wrong and he couldn't give me an answer. He was so upset. Not agitated really, just upset and crying. My mothering instinct took over and I stood up and placed my hand on his head and brought his head to my chest to comfort him. I stroked his hair and told him that everything was fine, that I was there and everything was going to be fine. It was the last time I ever saw him.
He died 4 years ago today.
I would imagine that there are people out there who would handle it much better than I did but you used the word "tailspin" and that's an appropriate word. An emotional tailspin. I was such a basket case so I don't have much to offer you when it comes to handling all of this but I can certainly relate.